This past summer he starting having some problems with wetting inside (the house) suddenly. We had him checked out and they suspected a bladder stone. It was confirmed with an x ray. Our veterinarian recommended if we wanted to try antibiotics first it may dissolve on it's on. She put him on a special diet (food and snacks) and we waited. After he finished the antibiotic he was still having trouble controlling his bladder and we were now spotting blood in his urine.
At this point she (our veterinarian) decided we should go ahead with the surgery. It was definitely easier as far as recovery but at his first post op check I let her know things just weren't right still. He was still struggling to make it outside. Dallas has always made it all day, sometime up to 10-12 hours without going out. He wasn't even making it for 6 hours.
We tried switching back to his other food now that the stone was gone. The special diet food makes them very thirsty causing them to drink a lot of extra water. She thought maybe that was causing the problem.
After discussing with the male veterinarian on another follow up visit he recommended we try an incontinent medication. After a couple of weeks of being on it everything seemed to be back to normal and we realized Dallas was nearing 10 years old and he'd likely be on this medication for the rest of his dog years.
Then one fall day on a evening walk we noticed some blood in his urine again. Oh wow, not again. It didn't just go away like we hoped and the accidents inside started again. We took him in and they took an x ray. No stone. Yeah, good news. But what? The veterinarian put him back on the special dog food and an antibiotic and we crossed our fingers. It seemed to get better but right towards the end of the medication it seemed to come back stronger. We called in asking for another round but of course they wanted to see him. They recommended he have some blood work done. On the Friday after AJ was born while I was at her home visiting, D took Dallas in for his blood work.
She called me last Tuesday evening and said some crystals showed up in his bladder which could be a sign of a stone but could also be a tumor. She didn't really like the way his little bladder felt and decided our next step should be an ultrasound. She wanted me to schedule it on a day that both her and Dr. Tony was there so the could get together on his case. She had been treating him through this latest issue but he does all the ultrasounds. Between their schedules and ours today was the day for it to work out.
It was pretty chilly outside and he was shaking all the way there even under his blanket. He's so nosey. He wanted to stay under the blanket but he had to pop out now and then and see where we were going. I've never been worried or scared for him with either surgery he had. For some reason today, I was exceptionally nervous for him. Puzzled why they couldn't give us an answer of what was going on with him. I felt very uncomfortable when I left him and it was sad, he was crying when I left. He never does that.
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| On our way to the vet |
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| where we going mom? |
While I was at home waiting I had the must uncomfortable feeling in my gut. I can't explain it, I just knew we were not going to get good news. Something simple wouldn't be so hard to find. I found my self missing him following me around and not having to remember to leave the gate closed. One thing I didn't miss was getting him outside twice an hour and cleaning up blood drips here and there that he can't help.
4:30 rolled around and I hadn't heard anything. I called at 5 and asked why I hadn't heard anything. They said I should get a call before 5 to come back and pick him up. The receptionist called back at 5:15 and she said to come on to office and Dr. Gretchen would talk to me when I got here. I asked did they get any answers with the ultra sound and she said Dr. Gretchen prefers to discuss with you in person. I called D. I knew it must be bad news if they wouldn't say anything over the phone. I wanted him to meet me there on his way home in case it was.
We had to wait about 25 minutes. It was such a long time. She called us in and start saying she was sorry right away. I read her face it said it all. The ultrasound showed what looked like to her as a tumor. She was pretty matter of fact about it. She said she wanted our permission to send to LSU for a second opinion from a radiologist there. "What else could it be we asked?" It could be a stone, an unusual one if it is because it doesn't feel like one when I check him with my hands or on the xray. She said in her opinion it was most likely a cancerous mass. Could it be removed? She couldn't say. That's what she is hoping LSU will tell her. In his little body there is not much room in the bladder so removing it is probably out of question, but a biopsy maybe. I took her pretty seriously. D said I wasn't thinking positive and didn't hear her clear about having LSU confirm her suspensions.
I heard her clear. I don't think a veterinarian would tell you the worst unless she was trying to prepare you for it. I asked her if it for sure is a tumor what next? Our two options were to keep him comfortable with a steroid medication. As the tumor grows he will be less able to control bladder and there will be more blood. She said his need to go more often is because as it gets bigger he can't hold it because the tumor takes up some of his room. He will start to get uncomfortable and we can give him pain medications. By this time I'm crying. D thinks I'm over reacting. He kept saying, "we don't know yet". I still asked the questions. How long will be live if this is indeed whats wrong. She couldn't say for sure but suspected 3-4 months. Give or take a month. Now I'm overwhelmed. No way. I knew something was wrong. I wanted so bad to be mad at her but she was just so nice about it and kept saying she was sorry. I could see in her eyes that she didn't feel we would find anything different. D still wanted to know option 2. She could send us to see an Oncologist for treatment options. She said they would do a consultation to tell us what might or might not work. Dr. Gretchen pointed out that this kind of treatment is very hard for some humans and definitely would be hard on Dallas and our pocket book but we could certainly make the decision when the time came.
Then I asked when will we know? She said sometime they are very busy and it could take up to 3 days but sometime they are slow and call back the same day. She asked me to call her if I hadn't heard from her by Friday. You bet I will. I cried all the way home. Poor Dallas just whined with me. He is very sensitive to your feelings as most dogs are and he was very bothered by my sadness. D stayed behind to pay the bill and when he came in after us he asked me to not take everything so seriously and to wait and see what LSU says. I didn't hear her say, "I don't know what it is and I need their help". I heard her say, "I want a second opinion that it is indeed a bladder tumor". I really don't think she would have answered all my questions so truthfully if she wasn't pretty sure of what was wrong with him.
I'm trying to remain positive but it's hard. Being negative is what has kept me away from my blog. I've been having quite a few pity parties by myself as soon as I can't get alone. In the bathroom after D goes to bed. After he leaves to workout or where ever he is going. Sometime I can't hold it together when he is here. I try hard not to break down to much around him because he has to hold everything together now. I'm no help at all. Poor man never know what he will find when he returns home at the end of the day. Either I'm crying because I'm hurting or I'm angry. I'm angry about my pain, but I take it out on him as some other issue that is really not important. He knows that because he will ask me. Are you hurting today? I give him that "are you serious look" that means I'm hurting everyday. Do you mean, Is it a 10 day? God Bless him, I couldn't put up with me. I really couldn't.
With all this said, when I come in and I'm hurting and all I want to do is get to the heating pad Dallas is there to greet me the same way every day. He doesn't care if I scold him, talk sweet to him or shoo him out the door for wetting the floor. He is still so happy to see me. Runs to the gate with his blanket still on to have a pet on the head. That little moment makes me push a few minutes more to let him out, feed him, love him or whatever is necessary before I take care of me. Just like a child, they come first most times. If he will only be with us a short time longer I will love those moments even more than I do now if thats possible.
Dallas is such a big part of D and ours relationship. Almost like a child. My children gave Dallas to me for Christmas as a puppy in 2004. D and I married in 2005. We've joked about how it's easy to keep up with our anniversary years because of Dallas. Just one more year than his age. He will be 10 in October. We will celebrate 9 years of marriage in November.
Everyday that I put my feet on the floor and make myself get dressed and go it's a good day. I can tell you I don't want to do it. I'd rather, and it would be much easier, if I just stayed in bed. To bad I can't make my brain work like Dallas and just be happy all the time no matter what. :-)
Full of H.O.P.E.
Theresa
***a note that I wrote this very late Tuesday night and am to sleepy to proof so the todays mean Tuesday. Not Wednesday. I think Dallas and I will commit to just being lazy around here on this rainy day we are supposed to have and I will just let him sit or sleep where every he wants. It's his day, King for a day!
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