Chronic Pain

A 51 year old female living and dealing with lumbar back pain and fibromyalgia. Sharing things I do for relief, reduce stress and control weight gain.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Pray for Newtown

I've been thinking for days I needed to take the time to get back to my blog.  Every day something would prevent me from getting to it.  Nothing much has changed with me and my issues with my back so I'm not even going to go there.  Still having problems with my stimulator but I've decided to get passed the holidays and deal with it then.

My hearing was this past Monday.  It was quite an experience.  It was raining here.  Pretty hard, with strong winds.  I was in a skirt ( we were told to dress nice) with flats.  I had a rain coat on and D had his supersize umbrella covering us.  We had to park a block away.  By the time we made it into the court house my back side was wet and my shoes were squishing with water.  Getting through security was time consuming.  My stimulator was running so I'm assuming that's what triggered it on me.  It made me a little nervous because then he used a wand and I thought it would shock me or something.  I survived, no shock.  Then it was D's turn.  It took three tries before he passed clear.  The last culprit was his belt.  

We were sent to the basement to go to our assigned room.  My attorney was still with the hearing before mine.  I was actually happy because by this time it's 10:15 and we were supposed to be there at 10.  We were, but had some those delays.   Around 11:00 we went into a small room with just the attorney, myself and my husband.  He asked me some questions while looking over all my paper work.  He also explained to me who would be in the room with us and what would take place.  

The hearing itself took around 30 minutes.  I was so happy when the judge said she didn't have any other questions for me and I could be excused.  My attorney stayed behind.  Of course when I came out my husband wanted to know how things went.  I said it seemed to go well, but I wasn't sure.   Soon my attorney came out and told us he'd be with us in 10-15 minutes.  He took the case that was before mine into the first room we were in to go over their case with them.  After they came out he called my husband and I in.  He said, "congratulations, you've been approved for disability."  I wondered how he knew this.  I assume that was the topic when I left the hearing room.  He took time to go over a lot of information with us.  Gave me some paperwork and phone numbers for different sources of advise we may need.  He also gave me his cell number and told me not to hesitate to call if I had any questions.  "I've been doing this a long time.  Don't just ask anyone who wouldn't know."  "If I'm not the right person to answer your question I'll give you the number of the best to do so."

I'm still kind of in shock over the hole ordeal.  I never saw myself even 5 years ago having to go on disability and not be able to work.  My husband kissed me and said congratulations.  I was tearing up.  I told him I didn't look at it as a congratulation on something good but something sad.  Obviously, I'd rather have heard...Congratulations we've found a solution to your pain.  You can be cured.  It is what it is though so I'll make the best of it and be happy that the disability will at least improve my quality of life.  I need to see the letter come in the mail before I feel sure it's final.

Enough about that.  Since I first started listening to the news Friday @ 10 I've been completely glued to the TV wanting to know as everyone did how something so horrible could happen to such young innocent children.  It's so hard to even comprehend that an elementary school has it's doors locked at 9:30 and anyone who wanted to come in had to be cleared and buzzed in.  That information alone is scary to me.  As every bit of information poured out I felt every emotion you could feel.  When my husband came home from work I was in a angry state.  OH I went on a terrible rampage about guns and the kind of rifle this unstable young man used. 

Frist thing Saturday morning I was right back at the TV to see what new information have arrived.  It was on all day Saturday and I couldn't move from the TV.  I felt like I'd lost my own children too.  Our President said tonight to the families that the entire nation is grieving along with them and he was so right.   It's not that I enjoyed watching this kind of thing unfold but I felt like I shouldn't be doing anything else but praying for these parents and the children they lost.  Also the children who survived and their parents who have to live through the memories and return to school this week. 

The statics that have been told during the coverage of this horrible act of violence are just alarming.  13 mass shootings in 2012 alone.  On Black Friday 157,000 guns were sold.  There are more gun stores in the United States than there are Wal Marts or Mc Donald's.  20 kindergarteners, 12 girls and 8 boys and 7 adults.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this.  Losing you child would be hard enough but to know they were at school where they are learning and growing?  They should be safe from strangers and evil people at school.  These innocent children were shot at close range.  Some as many as 11 rounds.

I could just go on for ever.  I can't begin to tell you how passionate I am about this.  Ask my daughter, I've been texting her all week end because she doesn't watch the news.  Unfortunately at an early age we have to teach our "children" how to react in this insane type of situation.  I may have spent to much of my time consumed with this but I learned a lot.  Things every parent who sends a school should know.  Some of the little children were so brave and their teachers were exceptional in know what to do.  Putting there self in front of the shooter to protect the children while loosing their own life.   True hero's.  I don't see a day anytime soon that this community will loose my daily prayers.

I had to take time out of my nose stuck to the TV yesterday to get ready to take a little drive.  My niece graduated from LSU on Friday.  My brother and sister in law were hosting a party for her Saturday night.  No matter how I felt ( like I shouldn't be celebrating anything) I knew she deserved some recognition for her hard work and accomplishments.
We had a good time.  Good company, good food and a delicious cake.  Yummy.

Last week end my granddaughter was with us.  We went to a birthday party where she had a grand time.   On Sunday we went to the Christmas parade and met up with my daughter, her husband, grandson and more of my son in laws immediate family.  There was a wait, but it was worth it.  The kids had a great time.  They caught so much candy and trinkets that we couldn't even hold the bags.  

Friday I spent a good part of the day finishing up some Christmas shopping.  Today my husband and I went to Wal Mart.  It was absolutely insane in there.  I managed to get everything on my list to start making some treats this week at my own pace.  My husband, with my help, finished his lists for his nieces too.  I did some more wrapping this evening so not much of that left either.  We'll be going to see my husbands family on Sunday.  I'm feeling pretty good at where I'm at this Christmas season.

After a long battle with multiple illness' over last 8-10 years my great Aunt passed away at 8:55 tonight. One of my grandfathers sisters.  Her husband and of course my mom was with her to the very end.  May she rest in peace.  Born March 11, 1919.  Age 93.  She was the last of 13 siblings.  She had a twin brother and they were the youngest of the 13.

Hug your children a little more and a little tighter.  

God Bess,

  The things you take for granted someone else is praying for. 

Sunday, December 2, 2012


A few weeks back a blog I follow "Eat yourself Skinny" had a post about letting go.  I don't like to try and repeat what someone else has said.  Besides I'd miss something that may be just what you wanted or needed to hear yourself.  So check it out @ 

As I was taking my walk this morning a song came on I've heard plenty times but today it was played just for me to hear.  Matter of fact that was the second time that God tried to put something in front of me hoping I would get it this time.  It's hard when someone hurts you with harsh words, especially when your not even sure what you did to cause/deserve it.  This happened to me recently and I've been struggling to "let go".  The little devil on one shoulder is trying to keep me angry so I will feel angry and stop myself from forgiving.  Obviously this does not affect the other/others but keeps me with hurt and anger in my heart.  Something I'm choosing not to do.  As it says in the bible, how can you expect God to forgive you if you can't forgive someone else?

Below is the song I heard this am.  I've sang it over and over when I hear it but never really paid attention to the words I was singing, until today.  If your are struggling with forgiveness have a listen. 

I can't believe what she said...
I can't believe what he did
Don't they know it's wrong?
Don't they know it's wrong?
Maybe there's something I missed?
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love
This is hate
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing

It's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
But I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love
This is hate... 
We gotta a choice to make

Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing

Why do we think that our hate's going change their heart
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but but just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound...
Of mercy and Your grace
Father, send Your angels down

Oh Father wont you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing
I feel like I've been losing

(Tenth Avenue North)

Saturday, December 1, 2012


I feel bad because I'm in the recliner and my husband is still outside decorating and working in the yard.  We both started about 9 and I had to quit about an hour ago.  I do plan on continuing inside after I rest a bit.

New addition for this season

I set out to take a walk this morning before starting with decorations.  So warm outside.  Go figure Louisiana in December feeling like October.  Reaching 75 today.  For probably 30 minutes before I went out I could hear sirens and horns.  Couldn't detect if it was an ambulance or fire truck.  I even mentioned to D went I came out to walk.  Have you noticed that the sirens have been going off for some time now?  Must be a pretty bad accident.  When I hear that my anxiety kicks in high gear.  I start imagining all kinds of things. I always want to know where my family is but even still I hate knowing anyone may have been hurt or even worse killed.

As I started the first turn around the other end of street I could hear them so loud. Drowning out my music on iphone.  It seemed like it was just behind the houses I was in front of.  What is going on?  I was really getting worried.  As I neared back close to our end I saw cars stopping at stop sign and getting out to look.  My walk path takes me that way but did I really want to see?  I began to realize it was down the road that brings you into our subdivision the back way.  I made it to end of subdivision and I could see the flashing lights and a fire truck just sitting still.  I continued around and noticed my husband had walked a few houses over and was watching that way.  It was so obvious they were getting closer and closer it was soooo..... loud.

When the fire truck made it to the entrance of our subdivision it turned in.  Then I saw him sitting on top of fire truck throwing candy to anyone who was outside.  Who?  Santa, Good 'ol St. Nick.
Oh how I wished my grandkids were there.  Just the evening before P was with me.  Behind Santa's firetruck was a second one then a  truck with banners on it for the food bank.  Some of my neighbors that were aware of what was going on came out with their kids and food to donate to food bank. One of my neighbors told me that they do this every year.  I told her I was here last Christmas and she said I must have been away because they've been doing it for some time.  I'll have to make it a point to find out the Saturday next year so the babies can be here.

The other random thing that I wanted to share is about Rod Stewart.  I saw him on the Today show one day this week.  I couldn't believe how great he looked.  I tried to guess his age because I know he started singing when he was 17.  I figured he had to be between 65-70.  I'm not a big fan of Christmas cd's because there is holiday music every where.  Channels on your television, Pandora,the radio,and anywhere you shop.  Not to mention you only pull them out one time a year. However, I am very interested in buying his Christmas cd.  His first.  He has several duets with some other stars.  Just hearing him sing one song it brought back so many memories of the late 70's and 80's. I used to love hearing him sing.  He has such a distinct voice.  

The same day he was on "Katie"  Now she will ask anything.  Anything at all.  It was only 2nd time I watched her show but I wanted to see Rod again.  Wow, he was magnificent.  I suddenly after years of not even have his music cross my mind was intrigued with him.  Katie's topics for him were Sex, drugs and rock n roll.  He has eight children. His oldest has given him title of grandparent and with his current wife he has had 2 children.  Age 1 and 5 I believe it was. Of course she had him give up his age.  I was close, 67. He has an autobiography out.  They talked a lot about topics in the book. He was so comical and honest. Ok, now I want the cd and the book.I don't purchase many books.  I like to use the library but I always purchase autobiography's.  I have a nice collection.  Some of my favorites were George Foreman, Dolly Pardon and Barbara Walters but there isn't one that I didn't really enjoy reading.

I'm starting to count down the days until my disability hearing again. 9 days away.  I'll be so glad when it's over.