Chronic Pain

A 51 year old female living and dealing with lumbar back pain and fibromyalgia. Sharing things I do for relief, reduce stress and control weight gain.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Birthday, Easter & April Fools

Here she is the "Birthday Girl".  A daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, a niece, a wife, a mother & an aunt.   My first born, my baby girl, my Golden (band) girl and my friend.  She's as good at one role as another.  30 years ago tomorrow she came into this world at 7 pm at night.  It was a Friday.  Not just any Friday, but Good Friday.  We went home from the hospital on Easter Sunday.  I've never really paid attention to how many times her birthday fell on Good Friday again but it's always on April Fools Day!  I can't believe it was 30 years ago.  

A daughter, Good Friday April 1, 1983
An Aunt 
A Sister 1988

Easter  1987
A niece 1987

A friend and fellow Golden Band member


A wife

B with my brother when he was 13 and she was 4.

The Golden Band Girl at TigerRama 2002

October 7, 2006 
with her grandparents on her wedding day.
A Mother
A Friend
The picture of us together was at her surprise party last night at her home.  She came in from taking family portraits at their church before and after the Easter Service.  Another person she portrays, a leader in her church to many.  She was tired but still had her smiling face on and had a great time.  So did P, the life of the party!  

Fork in each hand
helping daddy put on the candles

Today I went to the service at her church so I could be with my both of my children and my son in law and grandson.  A beautiful service.  Great Worship!  After B had to get back to those family portraits so she didn't get to see P hunt his eggs but I took plenty pictures for her and she.....had a friend take a family portrait for me :-)


Always so happy and smiling

Easter Sunday 2013

It was so hard to keep this post to a minimum because I continue to think of things that make me so proud of my girl.  Can't wait to see what she has done by age 40 he he. 

Watch out for those April Fools day pranks tomorrow and Happy Birthday to the greatest daughter a mother could ask for.  I Love you forever.

It is likely your boy possesses a measure of competitive and adventuresome spirit.  If you as a parent understand and respond to this nature, both you and your son will be more in sync.
Dr. James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Saying Goodbye

I went to see my friend today.  I knew I wanted to go for sure but I was nervous all morning waiting for them to get home from the hospital.  Her husband text and said...exact words "come on down"   I could see him smiling saying that.  You always wonder what to say.  You don't know what's wrong or right.  She made it so easy.

I hadn't been to their home in some time.  When I drove up everything in the yard was in bloom.  Pretty flowers everywhere.  A camper in the drive for her family.   I met 2 of her 3 sisters and her mother.  A wonderful sweet lady.  No wonder Jeannie is so kind and generous, seems to run in the family.  As I walked down the hall that led directly into their bedroom there she was.  Sitting partially up.  Her husband say baby baby look who's here. "Hey Reba", she said.  I totally forgot her and Ed called me "Reba" for years.  Back then I talked country non stop. Her son asked me if I'd won anything on the radio lately.  I told him no.  I've grown up, not playing radio games anymore.  I used to call in for tickets all the time.  Won quite a few.  I spent a lot of time with the radio in my ear for that to happen.
I couldn't believe her son could recall that.   Some other friends were "Reba groupies" with me.  We went to many of her concerts.  Traveled for a lot of them and didn't really matter how many times we saw the show, we couldn't get enough of her performances.  So that's how I picked up the name "Reba" with The Martins.

Apparently they had found a good mixture of the right pain meds for Jeannie.  She was talking, smiling and even laughing out loud.  She was entertaining us.  Comforting us.  Can you believe.  She asked me to sit by her on the bed.  We talked about old times and she caught me up on what is going on in her kids lives.  Her grandchild is due in May.  Oh how I wish she would make it for that.  I'm so pleased that I saw her today.  The perfect day.  How I want to remember her.  Compared to how she's been the past few days I understand it was quite a difference.   She makes it all seem so simple.  She is definitely at peace with her fate.  She said when your ready and not afraid it's easy.  She's ready to go.  Even asked me me what I'd like for her to pray for me when she gets there.  Always thinking of someone else.  It was a nice, pleasant, happy visit and I'm so glad I went. We don't know how much longer she'll be here but she told me as I left, it she makes it through Easter please come back and see me, and you can bet I will.

My son is doing better.  Today was the first day he was starting to feel a little like himself.  Even wanted to get out and get a little sunshine.  Anxiously awaiting his appointment nest week.  We still have a long road to battle but as long as he keeps moving forward, everything will come together.  

If I'm not back before, have a very blessed Good Friday and Easter.  The following day, April Fools day will be a big day too.  My baby girl turns 30.  Talking about starting to feel old. I remember 30 so well, like it was just a couple of years ago.  It's going to be a busy week end for my high anxiety self.  I'll get through it.  It's 3 days for heaves sake!

Good night all.  Sweet dreams Jeannie.....

    The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

++++Peace be with you Jeannie +++

I'm sure we've all experienced watching some one we love and care about leave us because of the awful disease of Cancer.  I still remember the day when I found out that a past employer/friend was diagnosed.  It was such a shock. Why her?  Why do we ask our selves that when we know everything is in God's hands, thy will be done.  She is one of your greatest servants.  Your daughter who spreads your love through mission work, leading charity's at her church and an example of two becoming one.  Her and her husband set the greatest example of that of what that truly means.  I could never list all the things this couple has done for their church, their community, and any one who comes within reach of their contagious faith, hope and love they spread. 

Myself and two of my friends worked for her and her husband for several years.  We all left at different times, but were all there for several years together.  If you've been following my blog for any length of time you know that us "girls" try to get together a couple of times a year.   Any time Ed would call for Jeannie or walk through the door he'd ask for his "Baby Baby". Just last month I posted a picture of us after writing about having dinner together the night before. ( us girls)  Her husband is a Deacon at the Catholic Church my children grew up in.  I had moved to Baton Rouge before he was ordained but over the years spending time with him I always thought he would be perfect for the job.  He is a such great speaker and leader. 

In July of 2010 Jeannie thought she was experiencing Gall Bladder problems.  Her pain became so intense she went to the doctor and discovered she had liver cancer which had spread from a cancer in her colon.  Through further testing they discovered they were many tumors on her liver the largest the size of a man's fist. (9c)  Over the last three years I've followed all of the updates on the CaringBridge site.  Each one with new news but always the same great spirit from her and her husband.  I can't even begin to tell you the strength and courage they have.  There are plenty times he had some humor in there in light of everything.

On Sunday the news came she is nearing the end.  She was admitted to the hospital to replenish fluids and more serious pain management.  Ed says she will remain there until Hospice is set up in their home and can manage her pain.  Her bilirubin has jumped from 2.1-13.1 in the past 30 days.  Normal 0.3-1.3.  The post today says she is now at 15.4
It has reached life threatening levels and they are not sure how long before consciousness is lost.  

Over the month of February and early March Jeannie and I were exchanging emails.  She had reached me about our Christmas card and then we just kind of kept returning emails.  We were trying to find a good time for both of us to visit and it never seemed to work out.  That's the terrible thing about putting things off.  Especially with people.  You never really know when the time will come that you don't have another chance to see or speak to them.  I truly regret I didn't try a little harder to work it out.  They have 3 children. Two young men and a daughter.  One of her sons is expecting their first grandchild.  Somehow in my mind I feel one life will leave but another takes it's place and for that I'm so grateful for Ed.  A baby can bring such joy, happiness and comfort to someone who is hurting.  I can attest to that.  Even though some of my toughest physical and mental days being with my grandchildren makes it easier to deal with.  They make me laugh and bring joy in my heart.

Some of my family had the good fortune to meet "The Martins" so I thought they would like to know about Jennie and where her journey has brought her.  I'd like to leave you with the last part of the post before last from her husband.  This is only a touch of the affection and love he has for his, "baby baby"

Our oncologist will run some more blood work on Monday and will have a better feel of things, but he's guessing she may be born into eternal happiness within the next two to six weeks.  

He may be able to slow down the brain confusion with some drugs but doesn't think there is much he can do about the rest other than try to manage her pain.

Fr Eric has just anointed her and continues to be a wonderful pastor to us.   We are so blessed!  Her family is traveling here from SC and FL to surround her in love and say their good-byes.

St. John's and Caring Bridge family, ya'll have been and continue to be such a comfort to us.  Words fail me.  I feel so sorry for those who think all they need is a Jesus and Me relationship.  Jesus lives in so many of us and it's an awesome family to be a part of.

Jennie wants me to tell all of you how very special and precious each of you are to her.  She loves each of you so much and will be eternally grateful for all the love and kindness you have lifted her up with. 

She is tired of being sick, she is tired of the pain, and she is ready to be reunited with Maggie and the many children we've sent on ahead through miscarriages.  It won't be good bye; it will be 'till next time.

She has been the greatest gift God could have ever given me.  I never dreamt someone could make another so complete and so fulfilled.  She is the air that I breathe.  She has made the world such a better place for all that have been lucky enough to journey through this life with her.

Now she is showing us all how easy and beautiful it can be to pass through this portal of life so many dread.  

She laughs about her jaundice and says she still has a few more shades of yellow to turn for Easter.  Jokes about being pregnant (twins or triplets?) are how she refers to her bloated abdomen.  Yesterday we had an ultrasound done to see if we were only dealing with a plugged bile duct.  No such luck, but she took it in stride and wondered if the Church crawfish dinner sale for the youth group had sold out or not!

Thank you all for your love, support and prayers.  Our lives have been made so much more complete by each of you.  Be of good cheer and trust in God's will for Jennie and for each of us.  He's got it!  It's all good (thanks, Ryan).

The luckiest man on earth for almost 35 years now!

Somebody's birthday!

These first three I pulled out LG&G memory box

My favorite from the journal <3

Her beautiful family

Jeannie with her sponsor child from Honduras 

This one simply titled "Lean on me..."

     If you'd like to know more about Jennie and Eddie's story visit and please keep them in your prayers.  

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Taking baby steps forward

Hum...where do I start?  This past week has been tough but in the end we're seeing some light barely peeping in to the tunnel.  My daughter and I left St. Claire's Sunday night feeling like my son was getting the help he needed and happy to know it seemed the next day he'd likely be able to participate in therapy and talk to the kind of professionals he's needed to for some time now. Then the call came Monday to my daughter that the doctor said we needed a family meeting.  I'd been warned that when that happens they will be releasing the patient soon. We were quite shocked having seen him the shape he was in the night before.  The plan was for me to visit that evening during visitation and B to go Tuesday evening.  We decided to switch so she would go for the family meeting.  My son request for her to be the family member there.

We didn't quite know what to expect.  While we wrapped the though around our brain and what it might entail she gets another call.  Meeting canceled.  The doctor had been around again and said he could dismissed.  Someone needs to come get him they told us.  My daughter franticly started making calls and we both were searching for the "right" place for him to go.  It was so obvious he couldn't be alone.  He so far from recovery we couldn't imagine them letting him leave.   I will say the SW who worked with him that day was kind enough to talk to my daughter several times on the phone with suggestions and letting her know of options for him to go.  Meanwhile I headed toward the clinic because I had the key to his car.  All the way there I kept thinking, is he stable enough to drive?  What in the heck are we going to do. 

When I got there I asked to talk to his doctor or the SW in private before taking my son outside to his car.  The doctor was no longer there so the SW came out and talked to me in a private room.   Everything I asked I was told, "I can't really answer that"  Besides him being an adult there is that lovely HIPPA law that sometimes can a pain in the butt.  My son had only listed my daughter to release any medical information to so the SW wasn't talking.  As I asked my questions he just kept backing his way out the door to go and get him.  

It was just heart wrenching to see him come through those locked doors with his plastic bag of personal items and the nurse following.  She told me they had set up an interview at a shelter for him but it wasn't until 8 that evening and it was only 5 pm.  She stressed he shouldn't be alone and didn't want him riding around in his car.  She actually looked him in the eye and said that to him.  "Right Brad, not good for you to be out on the street until your better?" We got a nod.  When we got in my car he told me he liked his nurse she'd been nice to him and he really liked his SW.  (interesting, because I didn't)  I saw tears streaming down and asked him what was wrong and he said I was just really getting some help today.  My first time to be able to get out of bed and participate in any group therapies or discussions with a SW.  That made me cry because at that moment I knew he really wanted to get better.

To kill time my daughter and grandson came to meet us to have dinner.  I went home after an hour to let them have some personal time to talk and she wanted to get him a few things at the store.  Later that night we were on pins and needles to see how the interview went because if they accepted him he'd be allowed to stay that night.  He'd promised B he'd let her know if he had a place to stay or not.  Without saying to much, because I know his SW worked very hard to get him in this place.  He's probably never seen it but helps people all the time find someplace to go other than the street.  The result was what we feared.  He was in his car and called my daughter and told her no way he could stay there.  He felt safer in his car.  There was a broken window in the room he'd stay in, it wasn't very clean and there is not other way to say it but that he knew he'd never be able to sleep there.  One of the problems the past month has been lack of sleep.  There are so many things he is paranoid about and his anxiety level off the charts.

My daughter had a back up plan but had saved it for 2nd solution because she'd discussed with his SW and he thought best for him to try this first because he'd be with other people in his current situation and he'd see that they were better and had gotten through it and taking steps forward to get out on their own again.  Out the window with that.  So, plan B was put into action.  She allowed him to stay at her home because she was off the next day and would want to go over all the stipulations and rules for this plan B.  She spent her entire day off making calls and getting a plan of action started for him.  He had a phone screening at a Mental Health clinic in her parish and an appointment for the next day @ 8.  B sent me a long text with some updates and ended with "Wish I didn't worry 24/7.  I know how you must've felt the last several months/year.

That Tuesday night was his first night to stay where he'd be for the next month or possibly longer depending on how it would work out.  He made it to his appointment and called to fill my daughter in on how it went.   You just have know idea what an accomplishment for him this step was.  Even the SW agreed.  Baby steps forward.  He told us even though he was put on the priority list the first available appointment is April 2nd.  He was really bummed because he's really ready to feel better and get back to work.   Unfortunately since that time things have been pretty rough.  At the clinic they were giving him anxiety medication and pain injections to help with the withdrawals and apparently when he left there was still some in his system.  On Wednesday things went way down hill.  He couldn't get out of bed to eat or anything else.  Thursday I saw him for us to exchange some things we each had that the other needed.  He looked awful.  I didn't even understand how he drive himself there.  He looked like he'd just climbed out of a grave.  No energy at all and body aches everywhere.  We were around the corner from a smoothie king so I gave him some money to go and get one with some good stuff in it to help boost his energy.  

B informed me that the person he was staying with would be out of town starting on Friday until Sunday and the SW had stressed how he should be around family as much as possible and not be alone.  His "support system" was crucial.  He stayed here last night.  From the moment he got here until 1 am I felt like a nurse.  Guys are such babies.  I know he's hurting....don't doubt that for a second.  Their just so pitiful about it.  I quit Ambien cold turkey two years ago and if you know anything benzodiazepines you know their a killer to get off of.  Any drug of that type causes terrible withdrawals.  Especially if you've taken a long time.  For me, two years.  I really felt like I was going to die the first couple of days and then I realized it could last for 10 days.  My doctor said that is how long before it's completely out of your system.  I couldn't believe my GP let me take something like that for that amount of time when it's supposed to be used on as "as needed" basis.  They definitely recommend not to use more than two or three nights in a row.  The drug my son was taking has the same dangers if taken to long.  I can't believe the doctor he went to continued to prescribe it for him an entire year.  It's no wonder he's having such a hard time detoxing. 

He's finally starting to get a little relief.  Out of the bed most of day.  Drinking a lot of fluids and I even got him to walk to the end of subdivision and back.  A lot of epson salt baths, ibuprofen and naproxen round the clock.  We keep reminding him every day will get a little easier until he's back to normal.  By that time his appointment at the clinic will be here.  I continue to pray that he keeps going forward and no steps backward.  

I picked up the phone several times today to make an appointment with my PM doctor.  I'm really annoyed that he's making me come back when I was just there 3 weeks ago.  I guess he thought we wouldn't discuss in detail a plan if I chose to wait it out and see if it gets better. 
When it's not bothering me I know I don't want to do anything.  Then it starts to hurt and I know it's not just going to fix itself or stop hurting.  I ended up not calling but it's inevitable.
I'll probably call Monday :-(   Mr. R wants to know when I go so he can be there.  I didn't say anything but I need to see him before then.  After the longest run ever with some good programs I had need reprogramming again.  The stimulation is coming around my waist and into the abdominal area again.

I forgot to start putting my Christmas cactus in the dark early enough in the fall.  No blooms at Christmas.  Low and behold D pointed out to me that there were two blooms on it.  Didn't think to take a picture until just one was still on.  Seems odd a Christmas cactus blooming in the spring.

A friend of mind monogrammed a beach hat and matching towel for me.  It was a complete surprise and just made my day.  My initials are on the hat and Nonna on the towel.  She was thinking of my upcoming beach trip.  It's so odd that last May the week before my surgery we went to the beach and I came home to facing another surgery.  I haven't decided what option I'd consider but something has to be done so it's like the same situation all over again. 


In a previous post I mentioned about driving to my hometown to meet with my mom and brother.  There was a part of the story I forgot to tell you about.  When we were leaving I grabbed my magnet so I wouldn't have to bring my stimulator I could just turn of  with a swipe of the magnet.  For whatever reason I sat it down on the hood of the car.  How I didn't see when we got in the car I don't know but we didn't.  I couldn't quite make it to the exit we get off of to go to my brothers house between needing to stand up and to go to the restroom.  We got off and stopped at first gas station we came to and this time I see it.  Standing out like a big sore thumb.  It's an important part of my stimulator and can be replaced but lucky for me it's a heavy duty magnet.  So strong it made a car ride an hour and 20 minutes without moving.

Sorry this post was so long.  I didn't intend for it to be but sometime my blogging turns into venting.  Sometime it's sadness, sometime anger, this time it's about finally seeing some hope for my son.  I pray it continues on.  

Blessed to have all the support and prayers coming in.  I've received a lot of emails but I haven't replied to any.  I'm sorry, it's nothing personal I just have to get in the mood to talk about it then I take off.   One of the reasons I started the blog in the first place when I had the stimulator implanted so I could just update once.  I never dreamed I meet so many wonderful people and make new friends through a blog.  Donna....I am so excited about your upcoming trip.  I'm praying for you a painless flight and a lot of relief from that pool.  Hope to get back to you before you leave.

God Bless to everyone

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 17:22

Monday, March 18, 2013

Happy St. Patrick's Day

St. Patrick's Day.
St. Patrick's Day, one of my favorite holidays.
Maybe it's the irish in me.

I struggled for the 24 hours before the parade Saturday to go or not.  We rarely miss. 2 years ago we did and that was the first time in many years.  I was so physically and mentally exhausted.  Had I know what I do now, two weeks ago my post title would have been "the worst week to come".  Because I thought last two weeks was bad and couldn't be any worse but then this one dragged along.

I knew the day was coming.  Every morning I prayed to God that if this was the day please give me the right words to say to be helpful, useful and not just make matters worse.  Things were not working out at all for my son at his dad's house.  For his privacy and because it's such a personal matter I'll just say it was less emotionally stable there than being in his car.  On Monday he made a call after having his Dad bring him into town hoping  my brother or my mom would come to pick him up. (without asking first)  I can promise you he was totally serious about walking home, he would have done it.  

My mom spent most of day with him mostly just letting him relax and sleep while she did her thing in the truck.. It was pretty warm that day so I could imagine how warm it must be have been just staying in the truck letting him rest some.  He stated he hadn't slept but only once during his time with his dad.  At the end of the day my mom brought him to stay over with my brother and sister n law.  2 nights and the second was not pleasant by any means.  The strange thing was that Monday morning I text my daughter and said something had him on my mind more than usual durning the night and I came over whelmed with this fear she or myself would hear form him on this day.

A couple of hours latter I heard from my sister n law.  She seemed to be very concerned for him and recommended he be evaluated asap because what ever was causing him to be seeing what he was seeing, feeling and not sleeping was keeping their household awake too.  I knew it, I'd already witnessed  myself myself.    Then came the decision of who would go and get him.  My daughter and I brainstormed all day searching for some kind of help for him.  No mental health centers in the state of LA are left open.  I did find one place that seemed interesting but needed more resources.  

My daughter stepped up to go get him.  This time would be different.  She had the hard task of breaking it to him in order to bring him home he had to be willing to seek treatment.  I think it took a lot of encouragement from both sister n law, brother and my mom.  B had prepared herself that she couldn't be all sensitive to his needs.  She had to talk to him like the adult that he is.  She gave him two options and neither were fun what so ever.  

She brought him home with her and let him sleep at their home under the agreement he'd go to my house bright and early to be brought to hospital for an evaluation.  He agreed.  She dropped him to me and we didn't wasted anytime getting out the door.  We went to OLOL hospital ER.  They took him right back, I 'm sure mainly to do with what I explained he was experiencing.  After about 30 minutes a PA and SW came out to talk with me.  Another 30 minutes went by then a different nurse came out and asked me a lot of questions also.  The told me to go home it could be hours before the were finished their evaluation and need for admitting.  Needless to say they called called 2.5 hours and said they were admitting him into the ER.  I asked about seeing him and she said it would be sometime later because I wasn't allowed to have any conversations with him until the found a permanent bed to place him.

 Without explaining it was one of the hardest things I've done in my life.  There's more to tell but I'm falling a sleep.  I want to share some of St. Patricks day excitement with you also.  Tonight my daughter and I went to see my son for the first time.  She had spoken with him by phone the day before and he seemed so very uncomfortable and not willing to talk much at all.  Our visit tonight went well though.  He seemed different, but we were happy to see him out of bed and talking some.
I'll go for the visitation tomorrow night and B back on Tuesday.

His car was fixed and we picked it up on the way home from the parade.  I spent quite some time cleaning it out last evening then again some this morning.  My body has been through more in last four days than past couple of months all together.  Everything aches, especially my back and battery area from bending over so much.  I have a busy week ahead too.  A lot of papers to fill out for him and some research to do also. 

I never in a million years believed this is how my son would end up.  I've never even been inside of one of these centers.  It was like I was in a fog on my way there and it was not my kid we were going to see. A very hard decision to have to step up and do for him to get better and stronger for himself and his daughter.  I'm so glad it's over but on the same token scared to death as to what comes next.  How will we survive?  We will, I know it by the strength of God.  But right now it's so hard to believe.  

Thank you brother, mother, daughter and friend who talked me through this.  Your love and support help me to know I'm doing the right thing.  I hope no one you love or care for has to experience this.  He has a very long road ahead and has many stops along the way.  I'm so sorry if I have mistakes.  I'm even to tired to proof read as I usually do.

I finally heard back from Mr. R.  I was a bit annoyed that it had been a week and I was hurting so much it reminded me to follow up.  I guess the tone of my text came across and he apologized for his crazy busy week last and to feel free to pester him when i don't get a quick response, but thats not me.  He said after his discussion with my doctor they are looking at a possible revision, new batter site, smaller battery or wait it out to see if it gets better.  I wanted so bad to say with all my stress build up , "yes, like my back?"  I'm still waiting for it to get better:-( 

I leave you with a sneak pic of a few pictures.  Both of my grandkids say the silliest things sometime.
I was so joyful to have them both during a difficult day.

Hanging in there....Theresa

Sunday, March 10, 2013


I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

I'm tired, I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn

My prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn
Even before the day begins
I'm worn
I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So Heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I'm worn

Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though, I'm worn
I'm worn...

Tenth Avenue North

This song moves me so.  It's more like a prayer than a song.  Music is to me what meditation is to others. 

There are so many areas in my life that I'm struggling with right now.  These are supposed to be the "golden years"  Our kids are grown.  Parents retired and should be enjoying life now at this point in their journey.  It's just not happening that way right now.  I believe things will turn around.  The hard part is waiting.  Letting Gods will be done.

A fellow chronic pain suffer and implant patient said to me, "if your feet hit the floor this morning it can't be all bad"  I know she's right.  I had another dear friend tell me the exact same thing.  I also know that you don't have to look far or hard to find someone worse off than yourself.  

Not a lot of news to tell.  I've been in touch with Mr. R to follow up about the "issues" with my battery because him nor the doctor have given me answers.  I text him Friday morning and asked why I haven't heard anything and he said he had a procedure that afternoon with the doc and he'd get back with me.  Nothing yet, but hopeful tomorrow. 

Sleeping has been pretty uncomfortable.  In the beginning lying on either side has been most comfortable for sleeping.  Now I'm down to one side. (right)  If I lay on my left side I feel the same pressure on the battery site.  It makes it poke and causes pressure because it moves around.  Definitely uncomfortable on my back which is how I'd always slept pre surgery. 

For now, I'm taking a day at a time and making the best of it. The thought of having to be cut again depresses me because the last 5 years nothing regarding treatment for my back has been successful.

My husband and I made the trip to my hometown to meet with my brother, sister n law and my mom.  A family pow wow so to speak.  We've all had so much going on in each of our lives that we needed to sit down with my mom and make sure she was ok.  She's been through more than anyone can imagine and you'd never have guessed.  She is tough as nails.  I regret calling and dumping on her so much the past few years.  She never would have burdened anyone else with her problems.  

It was a good family meeting and we all know what each other is dealing with and my mom is willing to let us help her "some" now.  My only regret is that I'm so far away.  Some time I can drive there and back and it's not so bad.  Sometime it can be awful and the flare up carry on for days.  That was this trip.  I didn't due much of anything today but take a walk and a little laundry.  

St. Patrick's Day is coming up.  We have a nice family parade here in Baton Rouge. My husband and I have been going to the same place since 2001.  Parade passes right in front of the family home. Praying it's a good "back" day on Saturday.  Also for nice weather.

Glad to see the Apprentice back on.  I watched the first time last season then I was hooked.  I've also been on a Law and Order SVU kick.  I had never watched until a couple of months ago. Now I DVR ever chance I get.  The reruns are always on.  I've watched enough that I had to start writing down the ones I've seen watched to keep from recording one I've seen.  I had no idea how long it had been on the air. 

If one of my readers with a stimulator would let me know if you've experienced anything like dealing with.(battery movement) I'd love to hear from you.  Maybe this is the norm, but even my doctor agreed things are not right with the battery right now.  I'm just wondering if I do anything to try and fix it if it may just end up feeling exactly the same.

Thank you Shauna for your kind, healing words.  Hearing from my readers means more than you'll know.  My continued prayers for you and others like us.

Take care everyone and have a wonderful week.
Fighting on.....Theresa

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despir. So let us be loving, hopeful and Optimistic. And We’ll Change the World.
-Jack Layton

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The worst week

This past week has been particularly hard.  A lot has been going on in my life, my family and my health.  A week ago Saturday my daughter heard from my son.  She's the one who said, "he'll eventually need us, and he'll call".  What she didn't know is she would be the one he'd call.  I think the experience she dealt with that day left her with an idea of how hard it can be to really want to help your family out, but you just can't.  

I could never tell you enough to help you understand how we all ( family ) got here to this point that we have limits and boundaries of what we can do to help him.  His car was broke down in town and he knew it was bad.  I know he had no where else to turn if he was calling on her.  I was sitting with my husband enjoying a cup of coffee on this quite but erie day.  I woke up with a strange feeling that I would hear from him this day.  I'd stop texting....even the prayers.  Anger and risen again and the little devil on my shoulder told me to stop wasting my time.  I didn't even know if he was reading them.  Obviously he had nothing to say to me.  My therapist said there was nothing wrong with me just leaving him alone and let him work it out.  Maybe that's why you don't hear from him she told me.  Maybe he just wants to be left alone.  

He asked my daughter to come and get him please.  She called me on the way and filled me in.   She was struggling with the idea of having to tell him she could not bring him home with her.  She had some options for him but staying with her, her husband and son was not one of them.  She was upset to deliver this news to her homeless brother.  I told her how much I understand and it made me so sad and relieved at once.  Sad for her because I'd been in this spot many times before and relieved he didn't call me.   Once she made it to him and went over his options they took care of a couple of things and she brought him to Hammond where my mom meet her and he went home with her.  He stayed that night with my brother and his family then two nights at my moms.  I had his car towed to our mechanic who informed me on Monday it was bad news.  Timing chain or possibly even the engine.  Neither of which did he do at his shop.  To many hours and not enough man power.  So it had to be towed again to a place he recommended.  As of today no word on it.  They told me it could take up to two weeks before they even started on it.  He is now at his dad's place in Bogalusa, LA.  He'll be there until his car is fixed and then he says he's coming back here.  We've all tried convincing him to stay there where he has help, get a job and get back on your feet then come back to Baton Rouge when you can afford a place to stay.  When you can support yourself and your daughter.

The same day we heard from him I had started feeling pretty bad with some allergy/sinus stuff.  By Tuesday I'd given in to seeing the doctor.  The rest of the week I still felt fatigued mentally and physically.  It wasn't until over this past weekend did I start to feel a little better.
I was thinking I was going to have to go back.  

My granddaughter came on Saturday.  We stopped off at the library and checked out some books.  It was a very cold day and we were happy to stay inside.  Nice and warm, both of us fighting a cough and allergies.  On Saturday evening my daughter came with P to visit his cousin and her and I just get to chill and catch up.  We had a nice visit.  It was the best part of my entire week.  The only good part!

With everything going on with my son, the cold and some other family problems my back seemed to feel the stress of it all too!  Not to mention the several long car rides I took during during the week.  The first day I used the patch I mentioned in last post really seemed to help my back for up to 2-3 hours.  Supposed to be  up to 12.  But hey I'm excited about what i get. No luck for helping my battery, I think there is only one solution for that and I'll delay as long as I can.  The good news about them is I found out my insurance covers it.  Thank goodness.  Shelf price $300 for a box of 30.  Outrageous huh?  My copay will be $50 but with all the others it starts to add up.  

I haven't called and asked for a prescription just yet.  I went and bragged about being hive free for 3 months.  Had them for 3 years, off 3 months and WHAM here they are again!  I'm wondering if it could possible be the patches.  I doubt it, but I'm having trouble excepting they are back to stay.  I've laid off the patches a few days to see if they go away.  Ugh, it was so nice for them to be gone, they are so annoying.  

So here's to a new and better week.  Seriously it can't be worse than last week even though it didn't start so hot this Monday.  A phone call from my brother regarding my mother has the anxiety level right back up there.  I'm going to get through this week and take what comes over the week end as we are supposed to get together to work with my mom to resolve some issues.  I wish I could just run away and hide and relax this week end.  I'm sure we all do at times in our life.  Nice thought, but when the going gets tough, the tough try harder. What I striving for.  

Happy Birthday Karen.  I hope your day was especially nice.  

Thank you to all my friends checking in on me and being so understanding for so long.  I'm not my old self, but trying very hard to get back there.  The end of April my husband and I are getting out of Dodge and heading to the beach for a long week end.  I can't wait.  I need it NOW!

never a dull moment!
primping :-)

refusing to smile...little stink <3


  A gift to a child is the gift of a parent's listening ear- and heart.