Chronic Pain

A 51 year old female living and dealing with lumbar back pain and fibromyalgia. Sharing things I do for relief, reduce stress and control weight gain.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Pray for Newtown

I've been thinking for days I needed to take the time to get back to my blog.  Every day something would prevent me from getting to it.  Nothing much has changed with me and my issues with my back so I'm not even going to go there.  Still having problems with my stimulator but I've decided to get passed the holidays and deal with it then.

My hearing was this past Monday.  It was quite an experience.  It was raining here.  Pretty hard, with strong winds.  I was in a skirt ( we were told to dress nice) with flats.  I had a rain coat on and D had his supersize umbrella covering us.  We had to park a block away.  By the time we made it into the court house my back side was wet and my shoes were squishing with water.  Getting through security was time consuming.  My stimulator was running so I'm assuming that's what triggered it on me.  It made me a little nervous because then he used a wand and I thought it would shock me or something.  I survived, no shock.  Then it was D's turn.  It took three tries before he passed clear.  The last culprit was his belt.  

We were sent to the basement to go to our assigned room.  My attorney was still with the hearing before mine.  I was actually happy because by this time it's 10:15 and we were supposed to be there at 10.  We were, but had some those delays.   Around 11:00 we went into a small room with just the attorney, myself and my husband.  He asked me some questions while looking over all my paper work.  He also explained to me who would be in the room with us and what would take place.  

The hearing itself took around 30 minutes.  I was so happy when the judge said she didn't have any other questions for me and I could be excused.  My attorney stayed behind.  Of course when I came out my husband wanted to know how things went.  I said it seemed to go well, but I wasn't sure.   Soon my attorney came out and told us he'd be with us in 10-15 minutes.  He took the case that was before mine into the first room we were in to go over their case with them.  After they came out he called my husband and I in.  He said, "congratulations, you've been approved for disability."  I wondered how he knew this.  I assume that was the topic when I left the hearing room.  He took time to go over a lot of information with us.  Gave me some paperwork and phone numbers for different sources of advise we may need.  He also gave me his cell number and told me not to hesitate to call if I had any questions.  "I've been doing this a long time.  Don't just ask anyone who wouldn't know."  "If I'm not the right person to answer your question I'll give you the number of the best to do so."

I'm still kind of in shock over the hole ordeal.  I never saw myself even 5 years ago having to go on disability and not be able to work.  My husband kissed me and said congratulations.  I was tearing up.  I told him I didn't look at it as a congratulation on something good but something sad.  Obviously, I'd rather have heard...Congratulations we've found a solution to your pain.  You can be cured.  It is what it is though so I'll make the best of it and be happy that the disability will at least improve my quality of life.  I need to see the letter come in the mail before I feel sure it's final.

Enough about that.  Since I first started listening to the news Friday @ 10 I've been completely glued to the TV wanting to know as everyone did how something so horrible could happen to such young innocent children.  It's so hard to even comprehend that an elementary school has it's doors locked at 9:30 and anyone who wanted to come in had to be cleared and buzzed in.  That information alone is scary to me.  As every bit of information poured out I felt every emotion you could feel.  When my husband came home from work I was in a angry state.  OH I went on a terrible rampage about guns and the kind of rifle this unstable young man used. 

Frist thing Saturday morning I was right back at the TV to see what new information have arrived.  It was on all day Saturday and I couldn't move from the TV.  I felt like I'd lost my own children too.  Our President said tonight to the families that the entire nation is grieving along with them and he was so right.   It's not that I enjoyed watching this kind of thing unfold but I felt like I shouldn't be doing anything else but praying for these parents and the children they lost.  Also the children who survived and their parents who have to live through the memories and return to school this week. 

The statics that have been told during the coverage of this horrible act of violence are just alarming.  13 mass shootings in 2012 alone.  On Black Friday 157,000 guns were sold.  There are more gun stores in the United States than there are Wal Marts or Mc Donald's.  20 kindergarteners, 12 girls and 8 boys and 7 adults.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this.  Losing you child would be hard enough but to know they were at school where they are learning and growing?  They should be safe from strangers and evil people at school.  These innocent children were shot at close range.  Some as many as 11 rounds.

I could just go on for ever.  I can't begin to tell you how passionate I am about this.  Ask my daughter, I've been texting her all week end because she doesn't watch the news.  Unfortunately at an early age we have to teach our "children" how to react in this insane type of situation.  I may have spent to much of my time consumed with this but I learned a lot.  Things every parent who sends a school should know.  Some of the little children were so brave and their teachers were exceptional in know what to do.  Putting there self in front of the shooter to protect the children while loosing their own life.   True hero's.  I don't see a day anytime soon that this community will loose my daily prayers.

I had to take time out of my nose stuck to the TV yesterday to get ready to take a little drive.  My niece graduated from LSU on Friday.  My brother and sister in law were hosting a party for her Saturday night.  No matter how I felt ( like I shouldn't be celebrating anything) I knew she deserved some recognition for her hard work and accomplishments.
We had a good time.  Good company, good food and a delicious cake.  Yummy.

Last week end my granddaughter was with us.  We went to a birthday party where she had a grand time.   On Sunday we went to the Christmas parade and met up with my daughter, her husband, grandson and more of my son in laws immediate family.  There was a wait, but it was worth it.  The kids had a great time.  They caught so much candy and trinkets that we couldn't even hold the bags.  

Friday I spent a good part of the day finishing up some Christmas shopping.  Today my husband and I went to Wal Mart.  It was absolutely insane in there.  I managed to get everything on my list to start making some treats this week at my own pace.  My husband, with my help, finished his lists for his nieces too.  I did some more wrapping this evening so not much of that left either.  We'll be going to see my husbands family on Sunday.  I'm feeling pretty good at where I'm at this Christmas season.

After a long battle with multiple illness' over last 8-10 years my great Aunt passed away at 8:55 tonight. One of my grandfathers sisters.  Her husband and of course my mom was with her to the very end.  May she rest in peace.  Born March 11, 1919.  Age 93.  She was the last of 13 siblings.  She had a twin brother and they were the youngest of the 13.

Hug your children a little more and a little tighter.  

God Bess,

  The things you take for granted someone else is praying for. 

Sunday, December 2, 2012


A few weeks back a blog I follow "Eat yourself Skinny" had a post about letting go.  I don't like to try and repeat what someone else has said.  Besides I'd miss something that may be just what you wanted or needed to hear yourself.  So check it out @ 

As I was taking my walk this morning a song came on I've heard plenty times but today it was played just for me to hear.  Matter of fact that was the second time that God tried to put something in front of me hoping I would get it this time.  It's hard when someone hurts you with harsh words, especially when your not even sure what you did to cause/deserve it.  This happened to me recently and I've been struggling to "let go".  The little devil on one shoulder is trying to keep me angry so I will feel angry and stop myself from forgiving.  Obviously this does not affect the other/others but keeps me with hurt and anger in my heart.  Something I'm choosing not to do.  As it says in the bible, how can you expect God to forgive you if you can't forgive someone else?

Below is the song I heard this am.  I've sang it over and over when I hear it but never really paid attention to the words I was singing, until today.  If your are struggling with forgiveness have a listen. 

I can't believe what she said...
I can't believe what he did
Don't they know it's wrong?
Don't they know it's wrong?
Maybe there's something I missed?
But how could they treat me like this?
It's wearing out my heart
The way they disregard

This is love
This is hate
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing

It's only the dead that can live
But still I wrestle with this
To lose the pain that's mine
Seventy times seven times
Lord it doesn't feel right
For me to turn a blind eye
But I guess it's not that much
When I think of what You've done.

This is love
This is hate... 
We gotta a choice to make

Oh Father won't You forgive them
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no)
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing

Why do we think that our hate's going change their heart
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought
But pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but but just to burn them down
We think our pain is own apologies and then it'll stop
But truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound...
Of mercy and Your grace
Father, send Your angels down

Oh Father wont you forgive them
They don't know what they've been doing
Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losing
I feel like I've been losing

(Tenth Avenue North)

Saturday, December 1, 2012


I feel bad because I'm in the recliner and my husband is still outside decorating and working in the yard.  We both started about 9 and I had to quit about an hour ago.  I do plan on continuing inside after I rest a bit.

New addition for this season

I set out to take a walk this morning before starting with decorations.  So warm outside.  Go figure Louisiana in December feeling like October.  Reaching 75 today.  For probably 30 minutes before I went out I could hear sirens and horns.  Couldn't detect if it was an ambulance or fire truck.  I even mentioned to D went I came out to walk.  Have you noticed that the sirens have been going off for some time now?  Must be a pretty bad accident.  When I hear that my anxiety kicks in high gear.  I start imagining all kinds of things. I always want to know where my family is but even still I hate knowing anyone may have been hurt or even worse killed.

As I started the first turn around the other end of street I could hear them so loud. Drowning out my music on iphone.  It seemed like it was just behind the houses I was in front of.  What is going on?  I was really getting worried.  As I neared back close to our end I saw cars stopping at stop sign and getting out to look.  My walk path takes me that way but did I really want to see?  I began to realize it was down the road that brings you into our subdivision the back way.  I made it to end of subdivision and I could see the flashing lights and a fire truck just sitting still.  I continued around and noticed my husband had walked a few houses over and was watching that way.  It was so obvious they were getting closer and closer it was soooo..... loud.

When the fire truck made it to the entrance of our subdivision it turned in.  Then I saw him sitting on top of fire truck throwing candy to anyone who was outside.  Who?  Santa, Good 'ol St. Nick.
Oh how I wished my grandkids were there.  Just the evening before P was with me.  Behind Santa's firetruck was a second one then a  truck with banners on it for the food bank.  Some of my neighbors that were aware of what was going on came out with their kids and food to donate to food bank. One of my neighbors told me that they do this every year.  I told her I was here last Christmas and she said I must have been away because they've been doing it for some time.  I'll have to make it a point to find out the Saturday next year so the babies can be here.

The other random thing that I wanted to share is about Rod Stewart.  I saw him on the Today show one day this week.  I couldn't believe how great he looked.  I tried to guess his age because I know he started singing when he was 17.  I figured he had to be between 65-70.  I'm not a big fan of Christmas cd's because there is holiday music every where.  Channels on your television, Pandora,the radio,and anywhere you shop.  Not to mention you only pull them out one time a year. However, I am very interested in buying his Christmas cd.  His first.  He has several duets with some other stars.  Just hearing him sing one song it brought back so many memories of the late 70's and 80's. I used to love hearing him sing.  He has such a distinct voice.  

The same day he was on "Katie"  Now she will ask anything.  Anything at all.  It was only 2nd time I watched her show but I wanted to see Rod again.  Wow, he was magnificent.  I suddenly after years of not even have his music cross my mind was intrigued with him.  Katie's topics for him were Sex, drugs and rock n roll.  He has eight children. His oldest has given him title of grandparent and with his current wife he has had 2 children.  Age 1 and 5 I believe it was. Of course she had him give up his age.  I was close, 67. He has an autobiography out.  They talked a lot about topics in the book. He was so comical and honest. Ok, now I want the cd and the book.I don't purchase many books.  I like to use the library but I always purchase autobiography's.  I have a nice collection.  Some of my favorites were George Foreman, Dolly Pardon and Barbara Walters but there isn't one that I didn't really enjoy reading.

I'm starting to count down the days until my disability hearing again. 9 days away.  I'll be so glad when it's over.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

It's a start....

When my children were little and adolescent age I loved Christmas time.  I loved to shop and meet the challenge of finding everything on their list.  Over the years I found myself dreading Christmas and wondering why.  I had my share of "scrooge" title given to me.  

When my grandkids came along I thought maybe the excitement would return.  Their second Christmas December 2010 I had the worst Christmas ever.  It was during the time I had my nerves burned (radio frequency ablation) and I still think that was the worst time during this entire journey with my back pain.  Not just because of the holidays but I was still working. Being at work, especially when it's such a time of year when everyone is especially kind and giving, I was the most dismal person around.  I remember sending my daughter an email apologizing that I hadn't been around or in touch but I felt as if I would spoil everyones Christmas cheer.  Every week end that passed by in December  I spent in the bed wishing I could go out and shop like everyone else.  It was truly a gift card Christmas.  Those who know me know I'm anti gift card.  

I'm now realizing what happened to my "Christmas Joy".  It's such a busy time of the year.  Decorating for the holidays can be a big chore for any family.  Especially with little ones and your working.  A lot of work for a short time.  Then there is shopping, cooking and traveling. Over the last 6-8 years I've had to convince myself I can get this done. Don't get me wrong, when it's all said I done I step back and say I'm so glad I pushed myself to do it.   This year is no different.  I told my husband when he offered to go into the attic Sunday and pull some things down for me to get started that I wasn't sure if I even wanted to put up a tree.  Maybe I'll just decorate.  I definitely want some Christmas spirit around for my grandchildren.  I started to realize it's just as important for us.  How can I fight the blues if I don't even try to have Christmas cheer around.   

On Monday D pulled the tree down.  I decided to give my floors a good cleaning first.  I vacuumed then took a break.  Then came the mopping...ugh the absolute worst.  Think I'd rather bathe the dog.
Anyhow I was done for the day after that.  Yesterday (Tuesday) I put the tree together.  A little at a time.  Branches spread.  Breakfast.  Pieces put together. Lunch.  Finding a place to put the darn thing. Evening break.  Getting in the corner by myself.  Exhausted.  So the tree is up with lights but who knows when and what next?  

Our dryer broke a couple of weeks back.  It was a VERY OLD Maytag.  So believe what you hear about them.  Our dryer man said it would cost more to fix than to purchase a new one.  Merry Christmas to me. (notice I said "me")  Instead of getting down a few more things for me last evening my hubby was busy unloading and installing the new dryer.  It is bigger so a little complicated to make it work in the small space.  Now I wish I had a bigger machine since I can put a lot more clothes to dry at once.  So it was up to me if I want to accomplish something else today.  I made two trips in the attic and brought down the bulbs, wreath and tree skirt.  Sounds simple enough but I did a lot of shuffling of boxes to "pick around" and get particulars.  I definitely shouldn't be pulling the attic door down but being this is a week long process for me I felt like I had to get another step done today.  

It's noon, I'm still in my pj's and typing this blog during my rest time.  After lunch I plan to decorate the tree a little and make something for D's birthday.  I just talked to him.  In the field on his birthday but said he was overwhelmed by the number of birthday wishes he's received.  Keeping my fingers crossed for my meeting with Mr. R tomorrow.  Who knows maybe this will be the reprogramming that is successful and I will finish this decorating over a few more days.  I am pleased at the fact I have my grandkids taken care of and Christmas cards ordered.  Ahead of last year :-)

Take time to enjoy the reason for the season.  One thing I've learned over the years is that pushing myself to hard spoils what should be a wonderful season.  This year I'm doing what I can, when I can and not worry about what I don't get to.  Christmas will come and go not matter what I accomplish.  

So much talk of the Power ball tonight.  Did you get your ticket?  I've never purchased one since it started years ago.  My husband does but not on a regular basis.  The chances are so small that you have a better chance of winning a grammy award.  Good luck to you if play.

   The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

And the countdown begins

A week and four days since I've last written.  As I'm sure you've all been as well, I've been busy. Leading up to Thanksgiving I started feeling better and better as far as the gastritis.  The one time I failed to take the medication an hour before eating it reared it's ugly head and let me know I better make sure I get it done.   I now have an alarm to remind me am and pm.

On the Friday before Thanksgiving I had the honor of going to my grandson's first movie at the big theater.  Sorry, it didn't leave a good enough impression on me to tell you the name but watching P watch the movie was very entertaining.  Mommy got him some popcorn and even if he didn't just love the movie, he sure loved his popcorn.  He sat in his chair through 75% of the movie then he sat with mommy.  I did ok my self.  I made sure I took some pain medicine before we left and I brought along my back cushion.  ( I've had this particular one for at least 6 years I can remember)  I never took it out of my car so it would always be there.  In my joy of the movie ending, I took P's hand and we started down the steps.  Never once thought about my back cushion until being dropped off at my car.  Oh boo, this is not good.  My dear daughter got right on the phone to see if anyone found it or it was in lost and found.  No luck.  Oh well, you live and you learn.  I have others but this one was perfect for the car and bringing it restaurants.

After my daughter dropped me off I had to go inside Albertson's to pick up an RX.  I needed to do a little shopping but between my back and some minor breathing/chest pain I headed right back to the car after paying for the RX.  I could feel a stomach ache coming on also.
Driving to the house I was day dreaming about the movie, P, my ailments and the thought of making it home with this stomach ache.  Not even a quarter of a mile from my house is a middle school that I just cruised through still day dreaming.  I hear this loud scream that I suddenly realize that it was directed at me.  OMG, I'm in front of the school between 2-4! Seriously, I'm so aware of the school and the hours of reduced speed.  I just had a moment, no excuse.  

There was no way to just turn around.  I turned down my street, backed out back on the main hwy and went back.  When I turned in where the state trooper was I apologized and told him I was feeling ill and just lost track of where I was.  I explained that I lived less   than a mile from where we were but before I could even finish he said, "YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THEN".  I mentioned that I could have kept going but I was honest and I came back but he had an answer for that also.  OH I HAD YOU HE SAID, I WOULD HAVE FOUND YOU ANYWAY.  Sitting there waiting seemed liked forever.  Finally he handed me the ugly ticket and I took it with tears in my eyes and headed home with head hanging down.   Darn, I lost my pillow AND I got a ticket.  This stinks!  Oh well, on to Thanksgiving.  I'll deal with it after.  I've yet to call and find out what I owe :-{

D and I did most of our cooking ahead of time.  On Wednesday I made my first pecan pie.  I've done a lot of baking in my day but a pie I had not.  It sure looked good after it cooled down and turned out it taste great too!  I also made some Nutella cookies.  Oh gosh they are so addicting.  Before going to bed I put the broccoli casserole together so it could just be pulled out and baked, then ready to go.   D took care of the turkey.  Started brining several days before and the poor bird was in the oven at 5am.  While it was cooking he made the stuffing.  We loaded the car and went to my daughters home in a small town 25 minutes away.

It was a small quite Thanksgiving.  My mom was with friends.  My brother with his wife's family and my husbands family was spread out visiting out of state relatives.  I've had Thanksgiving at my house for several years now for dinner.  It was nice to come home and my house like I left it and just a small amount of left overs.  Stating that day was the first temptation to go back to bad habits.  Snacking between meals and eating larger meal than my tummy is used to.  I've still been weighing every Monday and until two days after Thanksgiving was under my last weight posted by three pounds.  Now I've broke even so to speak.  Time to get serious again.  I kind of let Thanksgiving pour over into the week end.

My daughter and my wonderful son in law

Poppa carving the bird

P with his turkey shirt
On Friday I went to Lottie and picked up my granddaughter.  She was thrilled to be here.  Non stop talking.  D and I really enjoyed her company even though most of her time was spent taking care of her "babies".  On Saturday morning we met up with Aunt B and cousin P for beignet's at a coffee shop in a "Cajun Village"  It was a nice experience.  A got to spend some time with Aunt B taking pictures while P and I roamed through some stores.

Thanksgiving and Beignets weren't enough A and I had to make oatmeal cookies today.   I better watch it before I get in trouble.  I'm going to be a good girl this week and eat well and make sure I exercise no matter what.

Even though she was not ready to go home, A was happy to see her mommy and maw maw when we finally made it to meet them.  We ran into traffic we were not expecting.  As soon as I approached the interstate boom, dead still.  We crawled until we were over the bridge and reached Hwy 415. 

so tired!

Looking forward to Thursday coming around.  After my appointment with my therapist I'm meeting with Mr. R.  It's been a month since I last meet with him so I'm praying for some success this go around.  If not, well I guess it's time to sit down with the doctor and see what we can do.  I see no point in having this bionic woman implant for no reason.  I've barely used it since I saw Mr. R last. Oct 24.

This coming week full of special days.  Tomorrow my hubby and I's anniversary, Wednesday-Hubby's birthday, Friday-my mom's birthday.  I'll try not to wait so long to write again.  A dear friend checked in on me a week or so back.  She likes quotes like me and ran one by me I needed to hear.  I'll pass it along.

.  "When you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill.

You bet I will. 
Fighting back, Theresa

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Feels good to breath again!

To follow up on this crazy condition I've been dealing with.....On Monday I had a better day.  50% better than any day since it started.  Some were so much worse than others.   So the wondering began.  Do I feel better because I stopped taking the Amitriptyline?  Or maybe because the Omeprezole started working finally?  Not a good idea to deal with two new medications a week a part.  Yesterday was hardly a judge.  Noting to eat or drink all day.  

I had called Monday morning first thing because Saturday and Sunday was so bad to see if they could move up my EGD.  I was really hoping for Monday but I don't control their schedule.  The best they could offer was Tuesday in the afternoon @3.  Hence, the thirst and empty stomach all day.  I won't put myself through that again.  The hunger wasn't so bad but I drink water all day long so that was torture. As far as they symptoms I'd been experiencing they were none to feel.  Again, questions....because second night of no Amitriptyline or because I haven't had any food all day?  It seemed that eating all ways made it worse.

2 o'clock finally arrived and D and I decided to head out early hoping maybe they'd be ready for me then.  I packed a bottle of water and granola bar to inhale as soon as they let me out of there.  I don't know what it is with starting an IV with me but it as many times as I've had one you'd think one would go right but no such luck.  I still had bruising from the one from last Thursday in the ER.  Not to say this young lady wasn't super nice but as soon as she stuck my hand something didn't feel right.  She said, " I'm just going to go ahead and let you know your going to have some bruising."  Oh, if I didn't already know something was wrong.  

When I had my back surgery I had problems and when they finally agreed to take out on the second day and uncovered all the bandage they had over it they saw I wasn't just complaining.  When I had my deviated septum surgery minutes after they put it in I told them it wasn't right.  It burned the entire time and of course I had complications and had to stay overnight when most go home a few hours later so it stayed in over night.  Multiple times I mentioned to them and they would tell me, "honey if we take it out it won't be fun putting it back in either"   I didn't mind, but they never seemed to want to do it.  Oh well, I should be used to it.  That one was the worst, for months my hand was bruised, swollen and burned at random times.  The dentist I was working for told me what you call it when that happens but I can't remember the name.  Basically the big long word means they missed the vein and that"s why every time they gave me something though the IV it puffed up my hand and burned like heck.    Ok, I'm gonna get off this and on to results.  

As soon as I opened my eyes after procedure I felt a fat lip.  What's up with that?  The nurse brought me a ice pack.  It was on inside.  She said sometime when you bite down on mouth piece you can bite your lip and not realize it.  I was thinking great, it will be an ulcer tomorrow that will hang around a week.  They got the doc pretty quick because the anesthesia never really effects me after.  I open my eyes and that's it I'm awake.  D has to have this done every other year and he goes in and out for probably 30 minutes before he says anything sensible.  
So doc had some pictures to show us.  The esophageal dilatation was fine.  The end of stomach was fine.  The middle or body not so good.  There was moderate hemorrhagic erosive Gastritis. The hemorrhage was old blood, not new.  Normal procedure, they took several biopsies.  He said it was mostly likely all the years I took NSAIDS before my back surgery.  I always knew that they would cause problems somewhere down the road but I had no choice,I  had to take them.  He said the Omeprazole would start to heal some and help the inflammation that was present.   Here was my recommendations:

1) Anti-reflus regimen 2) Avoid NSAIDS indefinitely. 3) await biopsy results 4) see him in 3 months to follow up and let him know how I'm doing.

He didn't really seem to think any of this was causing my chest pain.  Neither did he think the Amitriptyline was causing it, but you never know.  He said I should experiment with it.  Even though it was not given to me for that but he said it can actually help with spasms in esophagus especially if you have inflammation.  I'm going to lay off since I'm feeling better.  I may try on week end again to see if it comes back.  I'd really like to find out it didn't cause symptoms because I finally have something to help me sleep that works.  It's just crazy how it started day after I started taking and then 2 days after I stopped it's completely gone.  Who knows?  I'm just happy to be breathing normal again.  Besides the fat lip and swollen and tender hand I'm good. 

Now that this ordeal is hopefully over I'd like to meet with Mr. R again and give some reprogramming a try.  It's been 3 weeks so maybe they'll be some change?  Can't hurt that's for sure.  It would be nice to have some help to do some cooking for Thanksgiving.  

Thanks for all your emails and texts of concern.  I appreciate them.  You'll never hear me say this again but I'm looking forward to getting out to the store.  I was supposed to go the night of emergency room ordeal.  Haven't been out of house since then.  I've been putting off to feel better then it was time for test.  Waiting for it to warm up a little outside.  

Have a great hump day!

The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

A trip to the ER

Wow, I can't believe I'm at 5000 page views in 7 months.  Thank you to all my readers.  Your support has made every day struggles a little easier.  I"m happy you continue to stop by.

On my way home Thursday evening around 4:50 I pulled over on the side of the road and just sat for a few minutes.  Then I called my daughter and she called 911.  I had tried my husband but couldn't reach him.  The ambulance came and B, D and myself were in the ER until 11:45 that night.  Here is what happened.

I was with baby C on Thursday.  I had started taking the medicine the gastroenterologist prescribed the day before.  It seemed to help for a few hours but the chest pains would come back a few hours after each dose.  That particular day I had taken it at 5:30am so I could eat breakfast before leaving. ( your supposed to take one hour before meal on empty stomach)  The morning went well but around 2pm the symptoms started.  I text my husband and told him.  He said it will last longer when you've been taking awhile.  Ok, so what do I do meanwhile?  The more time passed the worse it got.  It's really scary to not be able to seem to catch your breath.  It made me think about my son when he was young with his asthma.  I could hear him trying to breath down the hall into my bedroom.  I realize how difficult it is for people with breathing problems.  I was a day away from it being a week dealing with this.

Baby C's mom was home early and she was worried about me.  She didn't want me to drive. She offered to bring me home.  I assured her I'd be fine.  I told her I've been driving like this for days.  I assured her the medicine would kick in soon and I'd be fine.  I was trying to wait til 5 but I couldn't take chest pain and breathing problems any longer.  I took it around 4:30.  I left and promised her I'd text her when I made it home.  Unfortunately I never made it there.

I called my husband as soon as I got in my car.  I wanted to talk to him on the way home because I was really feeling strange.  Even if I had reached him I could hardly talk because I just couldn't catch my breath to save my live.  A few miles down the road and I started feeling tingling in my fingers and following that it moved up arms to my neck and into my face.  I really thought I was having a heart attack.  It got to the point that I had no control over my fingers and started having trouble holding the steering wheel.  Apparently I was going slow because people were blowing their horn at me.  Within minutes I pulled to side of road and called my daughter.  I don't know what I was thinking.  What could she do for me when she was 20-30 minutes away?  I guess I thought she could tell me what was wrong.  By this time, I now realize, I was hyperventilating.  I couldn't get anything out to tell my daughter.  It took her quite some time to understand where I was.  She called 911 and talked with them until someone came.  

I remember people passing by and just staring at me like I was crazy.  After what seemed like forever a police officer tapped on my window and asked me if everything was ok.  Before I could get out what was going on a nice lady in some sort of uniform who had just got off of work came to the door and took over.  I remember her giving me instructions on what to do and assuring me it was going to be ok help was on the way.  I managed to get across to her about my fingers arms and neck.  She told me until I got my breathing under control it was only going to get worse.  She gave me an oxygen mask but it didn't help.  I wasn't much help by the time the ambulance arrived I couldn't talk at all.  They asked about medications but my daughter wasn't sure about everything.  I managed to reach in my purse and feel around for my list.
After that I don't remember much.  I don't remember the ride or getting there.  What I remember first after leaving my car was being in the hall in the hospital and a nurse taking my temp another blood pressure then one came to draw blood.  My husband got there around that time.  My breathing was under control at that point but my entire body was shaking.  D kept grabbing my foot trying to help me.  I put up a fuss about the blood work because I had just been stuck the day before at gastroenterologist office.  She convinced me to do it then left the darn thing suck in there in case they needed it and they did. Then they wanted the sample in the cup.  Not so bad if your legs are working.  I got up to walk and almost fell.  I would have if D wouldn't have been there to catch me.   EKG, Chest x ray everything my GP had ordered on Monday.  Of course they were all negative.  I knew that because they were negative on Monday. 

He wanted one more test and if was negative I could go home.  Cat scan, with and without contrast.  At least they didn't have to stick me again for the contrast one.  It was negative also.  We left the hospital at 11:45.  Thanks to a dear friend and my daughter  my car was already home. They went back and got my car and brought it home for me.  It had been moved to the median, doors unlocked, flashers still on and a sticker on the back saying it will be towed if not moved by.....  it had a date on it.  I don't remember. 

I haven't left my house since then.  Everyday it starts at the same time and continues until I go to bed.  It's been a long and wasteful week end.  I'm not any better after 4 days of the medication and the ER doctor upped the dose to 40mg instead of 20.  I'm just dealing with it. A few times over last three days I've lost it.  It really starts to get to you gasping for air continually for days.  

 I've been working on this post all day long.  I started this morning.  I realized today that the same day this all started I had started a new medication for sleep the night before. I did some searching today on and off when I felt well enough to be on the computer.   I found on the drug site and patients who had the same problem who were taking this medicine.  The drug company even lists trouble breathing and chest pain as a side effect.  I've lost my voice and can't clear my throat no matter how hard I try.  I'm stopping the medication until after the scope on Wednesday to see if there is any change without it.  

Thanks again for all your support in my journey.  
God Bless, Theresa

Every day is a new battle, you can either fight on, or put up your hands and admit defeat.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

What's new today....

After I came home from voting I was feeling so bad that I just couldn't see me making it to next Wednesday to see the gastroenterologist.  It was getting harder and harder to breath.  As soon as 8 o'clock rolled around I called the Digestive Health Center to see if there was any way they could see me sooner it was becoming an emergency.  The scheduler said she had just hung up with someone who canceled for the next morning @ 8.  Great, I'll take it.  I had an appointment with my rheumatologist @ 10:30 so that worked out perfect.

As we were watching the election coverage last night and I was so miserable I just kept thinking how thankful I was for the person who cancelled.  I just didn't see how I'd have waited the rest of the week, over the week end then 3 more days.  I'd have went to the ER for sure.  Last night and the night before I just skipped super all together,  It wasn't worth it.  Even not eating it was bad but if I ate it was unbearable. 

I woke up this morning with a very horse voice and scratchy throat.  I had none of those symptoms before I went to bed.  Just another sign of reflux I guess.  The good news was I was feeling decent as far as the elephant on my chest.  So I decided to have some breakfast.  It would be past lunch before I made it back home so I had to have something.  By the time I fought traffic and made it to the clinic I couldn't breath and the sharp pain in my ribs/abdomen was back. Everyone asked, are you ok?  The greeter at the door, the person who checked me in and took my money and the PA who asked a million questions before the doctor came in.  Yes, that's why I'm here.  When Dr. Rao came in he'd had the scoop from the PA so he got right to it.  He immediately wanted to know why hadn't I been taking any medication for my reflux.   Because I didn't have any symptoms.  I asked him when the last time I was there because I knew it had been a long time, before my 1st back surgery. In '06.  Wow I didn't think it had been that long.

I explained to him that after the scope the Dr. I was seeing at that time (he is retired now) saw no reason to put me on any medication being I had no symptoms.  Fine by me.  At that time I didn't take any RX medications.  He said just because they found a hiatal hernia doesn't mean I would have reflux symptoms.  A lot of people have a hiatal hernia and never experience any symptoms.  (I've read this also)  This didn't sit well with my ENT.  SHe is the one who referred me there to see a gastroenterologist.  She asked me to see a different Dr. for second opinion because she did see symptoms....chronic sore throat, redness and hoarseness. I'd been seeing her for years and respected her opinion so that is how I saw Dr. Rao the first time.

 He ordered that test where you drink the nasty chalk stuff and they turn you upside down and see what happens.  Fine, I passed.  No reflux.  He just couldn't stop there, I had to do this text where they put tubes through your nose down through your throat into your esophagus.  They hook you up to this monitor that becomes your best friend, like my remote for my stim now.  I had to register every time I ate and anytime I was in a supine position.  Overnight until the next morning and then you can get rid of it.  The worst part of the entire thing was taking those dumb little tubes out.  I was never so glad for something to be over. This text also proved I had no reflux problems.  So my ENT was finally satisfied.  As far as any gasto problems or reflux symptoms I've been fine since then until now. 

So here I am today with not one but multiple symptoms.  He like my GP wasn't quite sure the pain in my abdomen was part of it but he was quite concerned about my heavy chest and trouble breathing.  I told him my GP did a EKG and it was fine but he wasn't convinced with just that.  He was hearing me at my worst.   After the scope he wants me to have a echocardiogram with a heart doctor not the GP.  Great, believe or not, a have a heart doctor on my long list of doctors because my irregular EKG before spine surgery caused me to have to see one.

I filled my RX for reflux along with the new medicine my psychologist prescribed.  Take an hour before breakfast and hour before dinner.  Not working yet but hoping for a miracle so I can get through tomorrow.  I'm going to do my best to follow his other recommendations he asked of me.  Until the scope next Wednesday to lay of the coffee and no carbonated drinks.

The other at bedtime, supposed to help me sleep.  Even though I've tried many different ones with no luck, we'll see.  I'm at least hopeful.  My rheumatologist said it is used for nerve pain also so maybe if it doesn't help me sleep it will help for nerve pain!  Meanwhile I just have to deal with the side pain until the scope is done.  If that doesn't give us any answers I have to see my PM doctor to see if possibly my stimulator is causing it.  Speaking of the stimulator, I tried it today, on really low.  Keeping it low I don't really feel it in my back but it doesn't fire off the unwanted nerves and cause unwanted pain.  That's my only option until I'm willing to work with Mr. R one more time before seeing Dr. Graham for options.  (I already heard them and I don't like either)  It did seem to help a little.  It could just be the chest pain has over come my back pain.  Either way, I hope to get answers for both.

That's all for this weeks doctor visits!  Yeah, no more until next Wednesday.  Looking forward to Friday morning.  P is coming to visit me while momma gets her teeth cleaned. 

GNA, sweet dreams....its what I'm hoping for
a pain free's what I'm praying for

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.
Peter Drucker