10,000 page views....wow

This is been a very busy and overwhelming week.  From the time we got home Monday evening from the beach until I returned home from meeting A's other grandparents this afternoon.  The weather here this week was bad.  Even when it wasn't raining the threat of rain is painful for me.  So much pressure across my back. 

I'm three days away, very anxious,  but I really have mixed feelings about it all.  I wish that since I was being cut on again the result would eliminate this chronic annoying and sometime "take control of my life" pain.  Ok, so it's not going to eliminate it,  I know that but please please let it serve the purpose it is supposed to. If your new to the blog, I'm having trouble with my battery placement so they are going in to replace with a smaller one.  The only down side is it requires charging more often vs the larger one.  That is least of my concerns.  It has been causing added pain since January so charging more often is a breeze if this gets rid of it.   I'm so tired of procedure after procedure with no good results.  Done...pity party over!

Back to A. Her paw paw meet me on Friday after lunch and we stayed busy all week end.  She really wanted to swim and I thought earlier in the week that would be possible but with the cold front that came through at the end of week the water temp went back down 
:-{

A and Dallas outside enjoying the sunshine.

D and I brought her to the zoo Saturday morning.  We did a lot of walking around.  Poppa pulled the wagon when A wanted to ride.  When she felt like walking, she wanted to pull the wagon.  After an hour, Nonna seriously considered riding in the wagon.  If I could have been certain it wouldn't break on me, I'd probably have given it a try.  

oops, there upside down!

loved petting the animals

look at that static hair :-)

When we returned home A went down for a nap and Nonna got on the heating pad and rested the entire time she slept.  She was ready for another outing when she was up.  I'd promised we'd go to the Dollar Tree before she went home and that's when she wanted to go.  So off we went to the DT.  Who would think you could spend an hour in DT?  We did.
After we went across the street to Chick fil A.  She couldn't miss it.  You'd have sworn there was a NEON sign flashing across the street.  For once there was no one on the play center and she had it all to her self.  Shorty after a group of "rowdy" kids came and did me a favor. 
A was ready to go as soon as they kicked their shoes off.  We ate then made it home around 7.  

worn out from the zoo trip

ready to go again after refueling!

Around the time we were resting during the day my beautiful daughter was in one of her friends wedding.  My grandson was the ring bearer.  A handsome one at that.  I thought about them all day.  Wishing I was there.  Wondering how it was going?  I couldn't go for reasons it would be best not to talk about here on my blog.  ( it had nothing to do with A )

How handsome is he?  VERY

After hair and make up

I wanted to see everyone, my daughter, P, the bride of course but I was also looking forward to seeing a long time friend who I haven't seen since I don't know when.  I seriously can't remember.  We used to spend so many hours in a week together.  More time than we spent with our husbands.  We took a lot of vacations together.  Concert groupies together.  And sometime we just got in the car and just drove.  No plan of where we were going.  Just getting away.    We shared a love of some of the same musical artists also.  So we sang away to them on our trips to nowhere.   She was also my walking buddy.  A very faithful one. 

She asked my daughter about me.  I will make a point to get in touch with her while I'm home recovering with time on my hands.   We'll have to schedule more than one call with all we need to catch up on.  

This morning we took a ride to visit Aunt B and cousin P.  One of the first things she asked about when I picked her up.  By the time dragging Nonna was ready, we only had two hours to visit when we got there.  A was her normal shy self at first but by time to leave she didn't want to go.  We weren't on the interstate no time and she was fast asleep.  I had picked her up some lunch and she was still holding on to it when she crashed.  

My sweet babies <3

They are so precious, even from behind.

Not long after we started home, she was out!

If you remember back in December I mentioned loosing my great aunt.  She was my moms, dad's sister.  One of a twin.  And they were the babies of 13.  This week my mom was in touch all week regarding her husband.  He started feeling bad and having trouble breathing.  He and my aunt in their 90's.  He until recently went to the gym every morning and worked out.  Always outside in the heat of the summer working the yard and loved to fix things like my dad.  Matter of fact since I've lost my dad he has been to fix several things for my mom around her house.  Him and my dad were really close.  He had a hard time dealing with the fact that my dad went before him.  

At first the doctors thought pneumonia was cause due to all the fluid in his lungs.  After many tests it was discovered he has cancer.  In his lungs and has spread to his liver.  Now I know he is in his 90's, but it's not an easy thing to hear at any age.  Not the way you want to go and he has taken such good care of himself and his wife through a very touch illness over the last 6-8 years.  Now you know if you've followed my blog that my mom is right there.  Just like she was for my Aunt, and her brother several years before.   He was sick with cancer.  She brought him home from the nursing home to care for him there.  My aunt never forgot what my mom did for him.  She was starting to get ill herself so she couldn't care for him.  Obviously the same age being they were twins.  Now my uncle has a chance to breath again.  Not be in constant worry of carrying for his wife and dealing with the abuse that came along with her illness.  It's only been 5 months and he's hit with this news.  I think it's so sad.  With all that said, why aren't I more grateful that I just deal with pain every day and not be grateful that it isn't something that will kill me.  It has definitely weakened me, but I'm not going anywhere.  

I plan to get a menu together tomorrow and make it to the store on Tuesday so I'm prepared to be home for awhile.  I need some good healthy meals.  I've been pretty lazy lately.  I really loose my will power when I have a lot of pain going on because it's so easy to eat something bad rather than take the time to fix something healthy.  I lost 17 pounds on weight watchers last summer after the doctor released me to do what exercises I could.  I started in July and hit my goal at the end of October.  November December and January even though off WW's I still managed to keep within 1-2 pounds of goal weight.  When my battery issues started and things go more difficult I quit trying so hard.  With that said I've slowly put 6 of the 17 pounds back on.  It won't be hard to move on up to 10 if I don't do something especially with no exercise for several weeks.  My new clothes are fitting a little tight so I'm feeling it there too.  I'm not about to pass by my pre weight clothes and get to the bigger size I had to buy because it got so bad.  I have to at least get 3 of the 6 off then I'll be comfortable again but ultimately would like to get back down to the total 17.  That gives me a little play room.  Something I definitely don't have now.

I've had a lot of friends offer to come visit after surgery.  Last year I was just got so down in the dumps after and had trouble getting my stimulator to work so I didn't want to see or talk to anyone for sometime.  I'm looking for the visitors this time so give me a ring if your free to come by and visit.  I'll gladly take you up on it.   I'm really looking forward to being released to get in the pool and then I'll stay busy for sure.  I know I've probably said that a million times.  I'm terrible about repeating my self.  

A few people have asked about my hives.  Although they continue to hang around they are so few compared to the previous 3 years when there were plenty every day to deal with.  Since they've returned I get 2-3 once or twice a week that hang around a couple of days.  I can live with that better that what I was dealing with.  Ultimately I'd love from them to go away and STAY away.  

Thank you again to all my readers, new friends I've made and old ones sticking by me.  Sometime in the last couple of days I've reached ten thousand page views.  That just blows my mind.  

I started this blog two weeks before surgery last year.  Here we are a year later and surgery again.  Lets just hope everything goes right this time.  I'm sue Mr. R is tired of hearing from me.   Happy Cinco De Mayo if you celebrate it.  This is the first time in our time together that we didn't go out for mexican dinner on this festive day.  Good night all!

Staying strong....Theresa
   The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.

One more and I'm done

Glad to be back home.  It was a long ride home.  Coming home seems to always take longer than getting there.  It was really nice to get away and try not to think of our worries.  We had two pretty days at the beach and Monday as we were getting ready to start getting things together the grey clouds came over and the view from the balcony was such a different site.  Beach deserted except for some people fishing.  Thankful that we had pretty weather the days we were free to be there.  

Sunday night we had diner at a nice seafood and oyster bar on the bay.  Very nice atmosphere and excellent service. We definitely enjoyed ourself.  After, we went to a couple of shops then hit the Publix to stock up on some Fresca and those Kashi cookies I mentioned.

Some awesome shrimp

The bay at Perdido Key

On the way home I finally got the call regarding my reposition surgery.   My insurance company not only approved reposition but the smaller batter which is really important in the chance of improved outcome.  It's scheduled for next week on Wednesday.  Even though I hate the thought of being cut yet again I'm hoping for improvement with this "unexpected surgery".

Really glad I didn't have to dread it for weeks to come.  I was really surprised they were able to schedule me as soon as next week.  By the time incision is healed enough to get in pool the water definitely should be warm. A long time friends daughter is getting married at the end of month and having surgery as soon as next week really improves the chances I will be able to attend.  I've missed so many important things while recovering from various procedures.  Last year when the implant surgery was over, I missed my godsons graduation from high school.

replacement battery 

battery I have

I have an appointment with my psychologist the day before.  We made some medication changes at last appointment so she asked me to come back in 3 weeks instead of 3 months.  I'm happy surgery didn't interfere with that appointment.  If all goes well I'll be off of one of medications by Monday!  Wish I could stop them all.  One less is better though.   I'll take what I can get.

At dinner Sunday night

Just back from Jeannie's wake.  There were soooo many people there.  People I know and haven't seen in years.  Her husband will be exhausted after this is over.  I stood in line for 30 minutes to view Jeannie and to talk to Eddie.  I did good until I visited with him then I broke down.  He was lifting "me" up.  An amazing man, husband, father, deacon and friend.  He was celebrating Jeannie's life.  Her daughter had put together some amazing collages.  In every picture of Jeannie, she was smiling.  I'm so glad I knew her and she was part of my life.  An amazing person.  She will be missed by so many. 

I'm sure I'll have a post before surgery.   Happy to have your support and thank you!

for the fence by the pool!



Where there is no struggle, there is no strength. Oprah Winfrey 

Goodbye Jeannie

In a quote from Ed himself " The Circle of Life".  Their first grandchild was born Friday April 26, 2013.  Jeannie left us the following day at 3:55 in the arms of her beloved husband.  (yesterday, Saturday) He is so at peace with this due to the fact that watching her suffer was very hard for him.  He also knew she was ready to go and reunite with their infant child "Maggie" and the miscarried children in between.  Her eldest sons wife gave birth to a baby boy Xander.  3 hours from water breaking to breast feeding.  An awesome night for their family.  Unfortunately they came home to Jeannie in her worst state ever.  She left us the following day.  I believe she knew, even though not lucid, that she could go now that her grandchild was here.  She held him, thought not sure if she really understood.  That's not whats important!  She is in no doubt heaven now rejoicing with her loved ones gone before her.  

We're enjoying ourself in Perdido Key.  Our first time here.  We usually go to Destin or Ft. Walton.  This place is right on the beach.  On the balcony enjoying the sound of the waves while typing this post and enjoying my morning coffee.  Where we typically stay San Destin, Destin or Ft.Walton on the Bay.  We have a short drive to "the beach" but has never bothered us in the past because we love where we stayed and it takes minutes to get to the public access to the beach.  Nice bath rooms and anything you want from souvenirs to something to wet your whistle.  Usually and "older crowd" at the condo so of course we love that too.  Not so noisy when us "old folk" wanting to turn in or rise early.  My husbands friend offered us this place at a cut rate because an unusual thing happened.  He had some open weeks at this time of year so he was willing to give us a cut rate and not commit to an entire week.   The beach isn't as pretty as Destin.  Reminds me of Gulf Shores.  No biggie...I don't go far in the water.  Maybe to my knees when searching for shells.  I prefer the pool.  Here and where we normally go they have a heated pool.  

Perdio Key, FL

If there is food the seagulls will come.  Dropped my delicious pear half eaten!

You get it, no you she's watching us!

On Friday morning as we were loading up and getting ready to take Dallas to doggy day camp I missed a call from PM office.  The message said they were calling to schedule the appointment at surgery center for reposition of battery.  I returned call within 10 minutes of message which was around 9:15 a.m.  When I called back to extension they asked me to  call and  schedule was busy and required me to leave VM.   At 10 when I didn't get a return call I called the gentleman at surgery center who handles ordering the necessary things for the surgery.  I reached his VM and asked him to call me back regarding the matter of my surgery and that I'd received a call from PM clinic to schedule reposition of battery.  I really wanted to know if they had approved the smaller battery for me or not.  I didn't reach him either.  Another voicemail.  As we drive on our way to FL I tried once more at 11:00 am with no luck and no return call.  So...it will wait until Monday.  Hopefully then I can reach someone to get this appointed and over with.    So that's where we are with battery issue.  I havent' confirmed for sure they will allow new, smaller battery but I do know for sure the surgery itself has been approved for reposition of "a"  battery.   I'll give them until noon tomorrow then I'll be calling both places and my St. Jude rep to badger him also.  (he requested I do this if I don't get a quick response from him.)  What he probably didn't realize is that indeed i will if necessary.

Random subject change here.  We stopped at Sam's on the way her for bottled water and of curse came out with things we didn't go in for.  There was one of those sample demo's set up for a Margarita, wine or Mojito mix and shake bag.  On the rocks or slush.  Whatever you prefer.  Seemed perfect for the beach.  We've made drinks and carried down to beach in the past and they were melted before we even set up.  Here it's easy enough to just pour and go down to your spot but if we were in our previous location we would just bring the pouch with us and being in the chest would be enough to keep them perfect.  JS in case you want to try.  Sam's informed us that this was a demo from company and only there for several days but web site available to buy any time you want on line   Sam's price 3 for $20 or 5 for $30  You do have to add your liquor but I think it's still a bargain compared to 1 drink in a restaurant or bar.   As a side note....if you add more liquor than water it works just as well as pain medication.  Something I've had none of since I've been here. (Friday)  

It's 5 o'clock somewhere

Back to reality tomorrow.  Monday.  We'll probably hit the beach for a couple hours then pack up and leave to take our time coming home.  I need stops at ALL state lines to stretch!  When we arrived on Friday we unpacked and hit the beach until 5 then we ate and did a little shopping at the local Publix.   We really kind of like this store.  Every time we come to Fl we go there and find something we don't find at home in LA.  Example. Peach Fresca.  One of my favorite carbonated beverages.  At home they only have plain ol Fresca.  Here they have Peach Flavor and Raspberry.  D and I both love Kaskhi cookies.   Available at Wal Mart in three different flavors.  Both of our favorites is the oatmeal dark chocolate.  I also love the oatmeal raisin flax.  Not a personal favorite of hubby.  So here at Publix we run across Chocolate Almond Butter....Yum so good!  On our way out we plan to stop at Publix and get a stock of Fresca and Kashi cookies.  

My monogrammed hat from a friend.  Definitely protected my face!

love the feeling of the water rushing over my feet.

So I return home with a funeral to face and say good bye to a dear friend and previous employer who taught me so much about life and why we're here on this earth.  Shortly after another surgery.  I'm told this will be nothing like the first one but excuse me if I'm skeptical because I haven't had a lot of luck with any procedure I've ever had.  I do know for sure that God has a plan for all of us.  I question it all the time.  Every day.  Why me Lord?  Why do I have to be hurting and such a party pooper?  He has never promised us answers.  Only that he is there for us to get through what ever we are facing.   Even though I have my complaints I know that God has a purpose for everything that we face.  It's my cross to carry and I don't have to understand it.  Just know that there is a reason for the challenge to carry on.  Walk by Faith, even when I cannot see.   Because this broken road prepares your will for me.  

In my 13 years in the dental field I worked for 6 different dentist.  2 were for a short period of time.  The others 3 years each and the last 6.  I'll never forget the dentist with most unpopular bedside manner but the smartest I knew asked me in an interview, "If you could have one wish granted, what would it be?". I told him it would be to live to see my kids grown and surviving on their own.  To know what they did with their lives and what they accomplished as an adult on their career paths.  He replied to my answer, "that is the most incredible and honest answer anyone has every said".  "It's the truth I told him, thats all I want to know".  
With that said, I'm grateful to still be here.  My daughter has been very successful in her career.  She is so good at her job she comes and goes as she pleases.  Any dentist is lucky to have her and that is obvious being that every time she has needed to go back to work God provides her with a good dental family to work for.  

As far as my son, that request has not been answered but I have complete faith it will.  I want more for him to succeed than I want to be pain free.  He deserves it and so does his daughter and who I call, "my daughter in law"  They may not have married but I feel like she is part of our family.  We've been through  a lot and over come many differences.  As much as I love my son, I love her for continuing to find the courage to carry on.  She had a degree before coming pregnant with my grandchild but it required her to move away from LA and she was loving enough to not want to leave her daughters family behind.  For her to have them near in the milestones she takes grown up. So she went back to school in 2010 and started all over again. She will be graduating next month with a nursing degree. 

Things have been harder for her than we could every understand.  No consist  help from my son.  Moving an hour and a half away from us and her friends to be with her family to get the help and support she needed to start over again.  Never an easy choice.  I know....I've been there.  It's not about you once you become a parent.  It's about what's best for your child and she has proven that to us more than we needed to know.  

A blast from the past 

April 2010

Things didn't work out for my son with the job we were so excited about.  I guess it wasn't meant to be.  It's so easy to get stuck in the "would have beens".   I know it my heart that God must have had a different plan for him.  Surely God knows how much his daughter and her mom need his support.  Maybe we shouldn't have got our hopes up.  Seemed like a sure deal.  So he continues to try and we continue to pray.  If you've never experienced ADHD as an adult you have no clue how hard it is to get through a day much less focus on continuing a search for a job.  Hopefully there will be other opportunities...Soon. A lot of people counting on him.  

It's time for me to go.  I've been back out to the beach twice since I started this post.  Now were in for the day because we're having dinner out tonight.  D is ready and waiting for me.  My deadline is 5.  I want to go shopping a little first.  I'll be back later this week and let you know my surgery date.  I expect to hear from someone tomorrow to schedule.

Love, prayers & painless days to anyone suffering in this crazy world we live in. 


3 things you cannot recover in life: the WORD after its said, the MOMENT after its missed, and the TIME after its gone.