Time for a Change

In past years I've been very successful with following the WW's plan.  I've always met my goal weight and kept it off for a good period of time.  Things like medications and pain restricting my exercise for periods of time let me slowly gain it back.   My latest issue has been a medication I was taking for the fibromyalgia.  I've been off since the beginning of April but I'm in a rut.  I'm stuck on weight I started at back when I started WW's in the fall.  I was 2 pounds from my goal weight when I started the medication and slowly climbed up to where I started and stayed there every since.

I've taken into a lot of factors.  I've increased the dosage of my antidepressant from 20 to 40 ( under advise of my psychologist ).  She said the increase could also be effecting my weight.  I'm also aware that the older you get the harder it becomes to loose weight.  It's always been pretty easy for me.  I have a lot of will power so sticking to the plan has been easy.  So imagine being super strict and you get NO results.  

One thing I'm really thrilled about is I've been back in the pool now for two weeks.  The water temp has been awesome.  I've started slow with walking first.  This week I did some water jogging.  Increasing time a little each day.  It's just unbelievable how my back pain just disappears when I step into the pool.  With that in mind I have to really be careful.  I did a lot of stretching the first day and I was so so sore the following day.   

Speaking of stretching, the bursitis in my shoulder has greatly improved since I've been getting in the pool.  It's really hard to do the PT stretches they asked of me.  I'm a very compliant patient because I want to be better.  However, sometime it's just so painful I cheat and cut the reps or time I spend.  In the pool I've been able to do it mostly pain free.

Back to my title "time for a change".  What am I planning?  I've been doing a lot of research on becoming gluten free.  One of the things that attracts me to the idea more than weight loss it is really supposed to help with inflammation.  I've tried so many things to help with that.  Inflammation is one of my biggest culprits.  In my research I read you loose weight also.  If that happens, great.  My biggest hope it that I will just feel better.  I'll take 50% better.  The fibromyalgia has really had me beat.  

Here is my plan...I have a book I plan to pick up and hopefully read before the end of month.  ( saw on Dr. Oz )  Continue to research what I can and can't have.  I want to slowly start buying the things I need a little at a time.   My WW's plan ends at the end of the month and I hopefully will be ready to get started on a Gluten Free diet.  I figure even if it doesn't work for my pain maybe I will loose a few pounds.  If I don't loose any weight but start to feel better that would be the BEST outcome.   

I have a friend who is gluten free that I spent some time with this past week end and she was in a car accident a while back.  Days later she started having a lot of neck pain.  After getting checked out at the doctor she discovered she had to bulging discs in her neck.  A period of time when by when she couldn't get the pain level down with PT and home care and they put her on pain medication.  She is a health nut so that didn't go over well.  Even though she was hurting bad enough to take it she told me there was not way she was just going to continue to take it and mask the pain.  Like me, she could tell she had a lot of inflammation in the area.  That's how she got started.  Within a couple of weeks she didn't need the pain medicine at all and she's feeling so much better overall.  

I'll share with you two things I've started doing as a "pre prep" to start some healthy habits.

1)Some time back I mentioned my new obsession with coconut oil.  I've been using in cooking, popping homemade popcorn and baking.  I knew about benefits of using as a replacement for other fats and  a lot of uses for it.  What I'd never looked at was the benefits of ingesting coconut oil.  There are plenty I could tell you about but if your interested just goggle.  It's all there.  

I mentioned to my friend and she said she put in her coffee every morning.  That was one of the ways I read about.  I gave it a try and I loved it.  There is an adjustment for a few cups because you can SEE the oil.  I loved it though because it made my lips so moisturized.  I usually put powder creamer in my coffee but read it helps to use milk ( I don't like anything cold in my coffee) and it helps make it creamer.  The second cup I used a little almond milk in place of the creamer.  I use unsweetened vanilla almond milk so it didn't add any sweetness to the coffee.  It's a new and exciting thing at breakfast!  

2)She also told me about the benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar.  Another that there are plenty of....but like the coconut oil ingestion google it.  I dont' mind sharing but don't want to keep this post going on and on.  The main one I tried is for detox.  As part of balancing the body's PH apple cider vinegar creates an overall detoxification of the body.  Research shows that it can help stimulate cardiovascular circulation and help detoxify the liver.  

Another that caught my eye the aid in weight loss.  For daily weight management add 2 teaspoons of apple cider vinegar to 16 oz of water.   You can sip throughout the day or just drink all at once.  I added juice from half a lemon to cut down on the acidic taste.  With that added it tasted like lemon water with a taste of apple.  Enjoyable and good for you.  I drink two glasses of lemon water a day anyway so it wasn't like I really had to make a big change with this one.  

I'm hoping trying gluten free may help my hives go away.  I must say it's been the best year ever for the reduction of appearances.  Unfortunately, they've still been around.  Especially on days when my pain level is up or I'm having some really bad break though pain.  The week after returning from the cruise was the worst flare up I'd had all year.  In reading the benefits of the Apple Cider Vinegar it didn't mention hives ( at least on the sties I viewed )
but it did talk about the benefits if you have allergies.  I'm always hopeful.

I could use to see Mr. R for an adjustment but I have several programs that I'm really pleased with.  I seldom turn it off anymore.  When I go to bed I just turn it down really low.  In the first year I'd try that but it would wake me up when it would come on and off.  I think because it's in a better place now it's more comforting than disturbing.  I'm having to charge my battery every couple of weeks.  A huge difference from the first year to year and a half.

I have a follower who recently had a SCS implanted.  I started following her blog and I hear myself in her writing in the beginning months after surgery.  ( She's a better writer and much more positive)  I'd just like to say to her not to be to discouraged in the first year.  I'm sure your doctors have told you but the longer you heal the less movement you get in the stimulation.  It also means you have to have less frequent adjustments.  Both of my scars are still tender to some degree.  The area in my spine where the paddle leads are placed always stays somewhat sore.  There is a little "connecter so to speak" that sends the leads out to the IPG (battery) and it's like a bump or knot in the lower back area of my spine.  Some days if I lean against something hard it reminds me it's there.  

As far as my battery site I've excepted it is what it is.  The revision surgery we did a year ago helped so much.  A smaller battery and going deeper helped it to not protrude so much so it's less sensitive.  I still need a cushion everywhere I go but I'll take that any day over a wheel chair.  I remain certain I made the right decision in having a Spinal Cord Stimulator placed.   My pain is still there but the stimulator does help relieve it and help me from taking the amount of pain medication I once needed.  

Dallas is doing amazing.  He had a successful surgery.  They completely removed the tumor and stalk that was attached to it.  There were three arteries coming from the stalk.  She cut and tied all off.  That is where all the bleeding was coming from.  This past Monday he had his stitches removed and seems almost fully healed.  He came a long way from having 3 months to live to a surprising recovery.  The lab results showed the tumor to be something called Eosinophilic cystitis.  Very rare but the few number of cases they've seen has been with dogs that previously had a bladder stone.  Yeah, we're so happy he'll be around some time longer.  

If you have any advice or tips for me on my plan to move gluten free, I welcome it.  I'm pretty nervous about being prepared.  Not about "what will I eat" but will "I have what I need?".  I've found a great web site to refer to and my gluten free friend has told me of several sites that will be helpful to me.  Wish me luck.  As with this and my daily struggle of coping with chronic pain I have H.O.P.E.

Happy Mothers day !!

Gentle Hugs, Theresa

My son and A

Poppa & Nonna at AJ's dedication day

The whole gang

No place like home

Well, I made it back safe and sound.  I won't say I returned rested and relaxed by no means.  I'll take safe and sound first anyhow.   I knew before we left sleep would be an issue for me.  I have trouble getting it at home in my own bed.  For to many years I've been awake all night away from home not able to sleep.  I had my psychologist prescribe me 5 Ambien in case of desperation.  

It's an awful medicine to get off of if you take to long, my opinion, so I swore I'd never use it again.    Never say never.  The first night the weather was terrible.  We had a balcony stateroom so you could hear all noises outside in the ocean.  It was the first time I'd been on a floor that high.  ( because of balcony) You notice the rocking of the ship a lot more on deck 9.  Thank goodness there was only one other night of bad weather.  I was pretty scared and not ashamed to admit it.  My mom was out enjoying herself that first night and at 2 am my anxious self was still wide awake when she came in.  Yes, I'd taken the ambien.  Even after she was in I still couldn't relax and sleep.  Lets just say she makes a little noise when sleeping.  Like my dear husband, but a little louder.  The first night was pretty rough and I was glad to see the morning come.  I got approximately 3-4 hours sleep and my body was not happy with me for it.  

Each night was some battle.  My mother worried about me so much she purposely stayed out one night hoping I'd get some sleep.  Unfortunately, I don't sleep on demand.  Kind of like a day time nap.  No matter how tired, my body just refuses.  By Wednesday night I'd come up with putting my ear pieces in my ears instead of just resting my phone on the side of my pillow.  ( using the pink noise app)  When I did go to sleep this helped drown out any noises in the room.  Yes, there were others.  A creaking door that lead to connecting staterooms.  Our noisy guests next door.  They really didn't care what time it was to go out on the balcony and make noise and celebrate.  Next cruise, if there is one, I'll request to be in between two elderly couples.  

"The Pearl" Our ship is behind, a little bigger "The Spirit"

Outside of the sleep issue we enjoyed ourself.  The food was wonderful.  Hard decisions on where and what to eat.   So many options to do it was hard to choose each night.  One night before a show we went to game show at a night club.  The band played a snip it from a television series theme and you had to take a guess and write it down.  The crowd was in groups and very competitive.  I surprised myself at how many I knew.  Turns out many of the 25 were from when I was little so I knew the answer.  My mom recognized the music but didn't know the name being she didn't really see the programs.  Some of them were: The Brady Bunch, The Adams Family, Green Acres, Bonanza, The Pink Panther, The Odd Couple and The Rockford Files to name a few.  That was fun.  Another lady with us was really into it and got so excited with everyone we had right.  You'd swear our prize was a million dollars.

Every night there was some sort of excellent entertainment in the "Stardust Theater"  On the Monday night we saw a comedian who had our jaws hurting he was so funny.  I haven't laughed that hard in some time.  There was an act of two Russians, ( male and female ) who were amazing.  I don't know if they were lovers, but they sure seemed to be.  It was a beautiful, death defying romantic performance.  I won't bore you with every night.  It was well worth your time to go an see.  The only down side was we had to really get there early to get a seat at the end of an isle. The theater held a lot of guests but it was one long isle.  You know, where there is no way for someone to pass unless you stand up?  It's quite and effort sometime for me to get up out of those types of chairs.  I didn't care if I had to sit at the top.  It was worth it to not climb over people and to stand up and stretch any time I felt like it.  

My friends and family are very familiar with my cushion I carry around everywhere with me.  It made it all over that cruse ship and back home.  If only it could talk....

After a show one night they had a chocolate lovers buffet.  There is not one thing chocolate they didn't have.  Cheese cake, any and every kind of cake.  Chocolate sculptures.  Chocolate covered things!  It was a sight to see.  The only down side was the time of night.  It was late.  I really can't have caffein after lunch much less at 10:45 at night.  That's ok, my mom enjoyed for both of us.  Love you mom. 

one of the chocolate sculptures 

I would say one of my moms favorite things was listening to music.  She loves to hear a live band and loves to dance.  She even got up on stage with one female singer she befriended and the lead singer officially titled her as her "back up dancer". My mom got a huge round of applause after.  I took a few pictures during then I took off before the song was over in case my mom came towards me.  Hee hee.
Seriously I'm just joking.  She loved it and I loved seeing her enjoy herself. 

Mom's new friend

"Proud Mary"

Another thing the two of us enjoyed was a massage.  I went first and she had hers a couple hours following me.  We had the same massage therapist and she was great.  I've never been disappointed with a massage on a cruise.   This was my third time cruising and my third time meeting a wonderful person who taught me something.   They had a steam room to use and I definitely made use of it everyday, but once.  It really helped with the bursitis and fibro pain.  Oh how I miss going to the one at the "Y".  It feels so awesome when you leave.  If you've never tried it, please do.  It's great for muscle and joint pain, to release toxins and leave your skin looking good.  I'm sure there are many other benefits.  

We got off of the boat on three different occasions.  My mom and I were a good pair for shopping because neither of us can make it very long.  We were usually ready to return around the same time.
At every port we met interesting people and had good conversation.  It was the same on the boat.  Every night we met someone new and then would end up seeing them again.  I met a couple the first day who were on their honeymoon and I saw them most everyday.   With 2500 passengers you wouldn't expect it, but it happened.  He had been on quite a few cruises but it was her first.  

goofing off in Costa Maya

She's going in

During dinner at one of the nicer restaurants we met an interesting couple who'd seem to done a lot of traveling.  They had some interesting stories to share  On the other side of us were two nice gentlemen who were just as pleasant and joined us in our conversations.  Made for an interesting dinner night.  We only seemed to meet and spend time with very friendly people.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner, shows, karaoke, dancing or site seeing.  We didn't run across anyone who wasn't kind to us.  

At dinner one night

With all that said, I still couldn't be happier to step foot on the port of New Orleans.  Check my passport and let me out of here.  I miss my hubby and my family.  I haven't been that happy to see him in some time.  I guess it's good to get away from your spouse sometime to really appreciate them.  Of course the baby at home really missed me too.  Dallas.  I'll update you on him next post.  He has a surgery coming up in two weeks.  I didn't sleep much the first night home, but I will say the second night I was sleeping at 11pm and did not wake up until 9:45 am.  VERY unusual for me.  I sure needed it.  I can't tell you the last time I had that much sleep.   

I'm struggling with fibromyalgia pain at intense levels.  Hence my outbreak of hives since I've been home.  It made two weeks yesterday that I've been off of the Lyrica.  I'm not sure how I'll continue to keep going without it.  The good news is my stimulator is still in check.  I believe I'm setting a record for myself now on time between adjustments.  I'd never have survived the cruise without it.  

Speaking of my stimulator, as a fellow blogger who recently stated, you get to cut the line when passing through the zapper. (that's what I call it)  I had my card out to show them and they barely looked at it.  He just waved me on over and patted me down.  On the boat, as we got on and off at various ports, it was even easier.  I flashed the card and they just had me bypass.  No patting.  

I'm praying for a blessed Easter Sunday for everyone.  Don't over do it please.  You know the following day is really the one that kills you.  I'm thankful to be home.  I'm thankful for my life, my family and friends.  I'm also thankful for the support of the above and my readers.  Your emails and own blogs inspire me to keep on keeping on sometime.  

God Bless.....
Full of H.O.P.E. 
Theresa

Dallas, my canine best friend

If you follow my blog you know Dallas has been having a tough year.  We nursed him through a surgery to have a mass removed from his stomach in 2012.  It was a long healing.  Due to the nature of where it was he just seemed to take so long to heal and stop bleeding.  We went back in with him on three different occasions.

This past summer he starting having some problems with wetting inside (the house) suddenly.  We had him checked out and they suspected a bladder stone.  It was confirmed with an x ray.   Our veterinarian recommended if we wanted to try antibiotics first it may dissolve on it's on.  She put him on a special diet (food and snacks) and we waited.  After he finished the antibiotic he was still having trouble controlling his bladder and we were now spotting blood in his urine. 

At this point she (our veterinarian) decided we should go ahead with the surgery.  It was definitely easier as far as recovery but at his first post op check I let her know things just weren't right still.  He was still struggling to make it outside.  Dallas has always made it all day, sometime up to 10-12 hours without going out.  He wasn't even making it for 6 hours.

We tried switching back to his other food now that the stone was gone.  The special diet food makes them very thirsty causing them to drink a lot of extra water.  She thought maybe that was causing the problem.

After discussing with the male veterinarian on another follow up visit he recommended we try an incontinent medication.  After a couple of weeks of being on it everything seemed to be back to normal and we realized Dallas was nearing 10 years old and he'd likely be on this medication for the rest of his dog years.  

Then one fall day on a evening walk we noticed some blood in his urine again.  Oh wow, not again.  It didn't just go away like we hoped and the accidents inside started again.  We took him in and they took an x ray.  No stone.  Yeah, good news.  But what?  The veterinarian put him back on the special dog food and an antibiotic and we crossed our fingers.  It seemed to get better but right towards the end of the medication it seemed to come back stronger.  We called in asking for another round but of course they wanted to see him.  They recommended he have some blood work done.  On the Friday after AJ was born while I was at her home visiting, D took Dallas in for his blood work.

She called me last Tuesday evening and said some crystals showed up in his bladder which could be a sign of a stone but could also be a tumor.  She didn't really like the way his little bladder felt and decided our next step should be an ultrasound.  She wanted me to schedule it on a day that both her and Dr. Tony was there so the could get together on his case.  She had been treating him through this latest issue but he does all the ultrasounds.  Between their schedules and ours today was the day for it to work out.  

On our way to the vet

It was pretty chilly outside and he was shaking all the way there even under his blanket.  He's so nosey.  He wanted to stay under the blanket but he had to pop out now and then and see where we were going.   I've never been worried or scared for him with either surgery he had.  For some reason today, I was exceptionally nervous for him.  Puzzled why they couldn't give us an answer of what was going on with him.  I felt very uncomfortable when I left him and it was sad, he was crying when I left.  He never does that.

where we going mom?

While I was at home waiting I had the must uncomfortable feeling in my gut.  I can't explain it, I just knew we were not going to get good news.  Something simple wouldn't be so hard to find.  I found my self missing him following me around and not having to remember to leave the gate closed.  One thing I didn't miss was getting him outside twice an hour and cleaning up blood drips here and there that he can't help.  

4:30 rolled around and I hadn't heard anything.  I called at 5 and asked why I hadn't heard anything.  They said I should get a call before 5 to come back and pick him up.  The receptionist called back at 5:15 and she said to come on to office and Dr. Gretchen would talk to me when I got here.  I asked did they get any answers with the ultra sound and she said Dr. Gretchen prefers to discuss with you in person.  I called D.  I knew it must be bad news if they wouldn't say anything over the phone.  I wanted him to meet me there on his way home in case it was.

We had to wait about 25 minutes.  It was such a long time.  She called us in and start saying she was sorry right away.  I read her face it said it all.  The ultrasound showed what looked like to her as a tumor.  She was pretty matter of fact about it.  She said she wanted our permission to send to LSU for a second opinion from a radiologist there.  "What else could it be we asked?" It could be a stone, an unusual one if it is because it doesn't feel like one when I check him with my hands or on the xray.  She said in her opinion it was most likely a cancerous mass.  Could it be removed?  She couldn't say.  That's what she is hoping LSU will tell her.  In his little body there is not much room in the bladder so removing it is probably out of question, but a biopsy maybe.  I took her pretty seriously.  D said I wasn't thinking positive and didn't hear her clear about having LSU confirm her suspensions.  

I heard her clear.  I don't think a veterinarian would tell you the worst unless she was trying to prepare you for it.  I asked her if it for sure is a tumor what next?  Our two options were to keep him comfortable with a steroid medication.  As the tumor grows he will be less able to control bladder and there will be more blood.  She said his need to go more often is because as it gets bigger he can't hold it because the tumor takes up some of his room.  He will start to get uncomfortable and we can give him pain medications.   By this time I'm crying.  D thinks I'm over reacting.  He kept saying, "we don't know yet".  I still asked the questions.  How long will be live if this is indeed whats wrong.  She couldn't say for sure but suspected 3-4 months.  Give or take a month.  Now I'm overwhelmed.  No way.  I knew something was wrong.  I wanted so bad to be mad at her but she was just so nice about it and kept saying she was sorry.  I could see in her eyes that she didn't feel we would find anything different.  D still wanted to know option 2.  She could send us to see an Oncologist for treatment options.  She said they would do a consultation to tell us what might or might not work.  Dr. Gretchen pointed out that this kind of treatment is very hard for some humans and definitely would be hard on Dallas and our pocket book but we could certainly make the decision when the time came.  

Then I asked when will we know?  She said sometime they are very busy and it could take up to 3 days but sometime they are slow and call back the same day.  She asked me to call her if I hadn't heard from her by Friday.  You bet I will.  I cried all the way home.  Poor Dallas just whined with me.  He is very sensitive to your feelings as most dogs are and he was very bothered by my sadness.  D stayed behind to pay the bill and when he came in after us he asked me to not take everything so seriously and to wait and see what LSU says.  I didn't hear her say, "I don't know what it is and I need their help".  I heard her say, "I want a second opinion that it is indeed a bladder tumor".  I really don't think she would have answered all my questions so truthfully if she wasn't pretty sure of what was wrong with him.

 I'm trying to remain positive but it's hard.  Being negative is what has kept me away from my blog.  I've been having quite a few pity parties by myself as soon as I can't get alone.  In the bathroom after D goes to bed.  After he leaves to workout or where ever he is going.  Sometime I can't hold it together when he is here.  I try hard not to break down to much around him because he has to hold everything together now.  I'm no help at all.  Poor man never know what he will find when he returns home at the end of the day.  Either I'm crying because I'm hurting or I'm angry.  I'm angry about my pain, but I take it out on him as some other issue that is really not important.  He knows that because he will ask me.  Are you hurting today?  I give him that "are you serious look" that means I'm hurting everyday.  Do you mean, Is it a 10 day?  God Bless him, I couldn't put up with me.  I really couldn't.  

With all this said, when I come in and I'm hurting and all I want to do is get to the heating pad Dallas is there to greet me the same way every day.  He doesn't care if I scold him, talk sweet to him or shoo him out the door for wetting the floor.  He is still so happy to see me.  Runs to the gate with his blanket still on to have a pet on the head.  That little moment makes me push a few minutes more to let him out, feed him, love him or whatever is necessary before I take care of me.  Just like a child, they come first most times.  If he will only be with us a short time longer I will love those moments even more than I do now if thats possible.

Dallas is such a big part of D and ours relationship.  Almost like a child.  My children gave Dallas to me for Christmas as a puppy in 2004.  D and I married in 2005.  We've joked about how it's easy to keep up with our anniversary years because of Dallas.  Just one more year than his age.  He will be 10 in October.  We will celebrate 9 years of marriage in November.

Everyday that I put my feet on the floor and make myself get dressed and go it's a good day.  I can tell you I don't want to do it.  I'd rather, and it would be much easier, if I just stayed in bed.  To bad I can't make my brain work like Dallas and just be happy all the time no matter what. :-)

Full of H.O.P.E. 

Theresa

***a note that I wrote this very late Tuesday night and am to sleepy to proof so the todays mean Tuesday.  Not Wednesday.  I think Dallas and I will commit to just being lazy around here on this rainy day we are supposed to have and I will just let him sit or sleep where every he wants.  It's his day, King for a day!