Come on Spring

We've had a tease of spring weather this past week.  The high in the 70's several days in a row.   Last week end D pressure washed the deck to prepare for sealing.  Between watching him work outside around the pool and the weather it really gave me pool fever.  I can't wait until we can open so I can get back to doing some walking.  We'll see about the lap swimming.  I have every intention to go back to it, but I'm slightly concerned that it may have caused the bursitis.  Last year when we opened the pool I had to wait 3 more weeks because my incision was still healing from my battery change and reposition.  Not this time.  I'm in as soon as it's open!

D and I are both hopeful that we will open 3-4 weeks earlier than last year with the help of the thermal cover we purchased last fall.  We were able to close a month later than usual.
We do need some sunshine for that to work and we haven't seen much of it lately.   I'm hopeful!  

On to how all my ailments are.  

My aching back: Same old story.  I mentioned last post I was actually looking forward to my visit with my PM doctor.  I'm never looking forward to any appointment but I know I needed some advise on my medications.  I have to say for as long as I've been on the same narcotic it's worked relatively well for me.  We talked last year on my pre surgery visit about changing because it had got to the point it was only taking the edge off and hardly reducing the pain scale number.  I was, and currently getting about an hour to hour and a half max relief from it.  He prescribes TID (three times a day) but I rarely take that way.  As you know, if you've taken narcotics for chronic pain for any period, the longer you take them the more you need to get relief.  You body becomes accustom to the schedule of taking it.  

This past winter has been the worst ever.  My PM doctor stated he couldn't tell me how many complaints over the last few weeks he'd heard the same thing.  I told him all my bones hurt and he smiled only because he said he was waiting for that next.  Something else he has heard a lot.  So we did make the change at this visit.  We have a good relationship and he knows what my pain tolerance is.  He trusts if I tell him I've had to take as prescribed lately to get any relief that I'm at my worst.  He knows I understand the longer I hold off the more relief I get down the road.  Not to say it's always easy.  Trust me, if it's a day that will be hard I take every alley I can.  My stimulator runs 24/7, pain medicine and patch or cream.  

The lateral epicondylitis: After 4 months of OT I was very impatient with it and sought advice from an orthopedic in January.   He confirmed what we already knew.  No arthritis, just a bone spur on the elbow.  Good old tennis elbow.  Takes time, he says.  Yep, I've heard.  Funny thing is about two weeks after I saw him I started getting some relief with it.  I was so glad to get a break from the brace.  I left it off and when ever it started bothering me I'd put it back on.  I saw my OT on Friday and we did a review and release consult after my treatment.  She was great. Always encouraging me that it would get better.  It's not completely gone.  I'm still doing the stretches and careful not to over do it.  I'd say it's 80% better.  

The mean Fibromyalgia: This goes hand in hand with my weight control.  Shortly after I started the medication my rheumatologist started me on I reached a plateau.  I've been up and down by 2 pounds since December.  I can't seem to reach my goal weight for nothing.  It's ok though.  I'm happy I'm controlling the side effects of the medications.  If I wasn't still following a plan I promise you I'd have gained at least 10 pounds by now.  I really think I need to increase dose or take additional dose in the morning but I'm so scared of the side effects.  I see my rheumatologist next month so I can wait until then to get his advice on that decision. It can be brutal some days.  What already hurts intensifies, and areas that have never bothered you and have no reasons to hurt can be extremely painful.  

Dr. Oz had a segment on Fibromyalgia this past week.  I wish he would have committed more than 10-15 minutes to it.  He had an audience member who had symptoms come up and a specialist went over the "trigger points" that are very tender to someone dealing with FM as opposed to someone who isn't.  Why are they important?  Because so many women and men are written of as having some other diagnosis because it is very hard determine if you have FM or not.  For instance, most patients experience fatigue.  Fatigue for long periods of time for some patients.  That is a symptom of a lot of ailments.  It could be from any number of things.  Headaches are another example.  I could name more.  He made a point that made me feel better about something.  He said, some women are actually relieved to get the diagnosis because then they know that people don't think they are crazy.  There actually is something wrong.  I felt a little that way.  So many of my doctors said it was just a stem of my back pain.  I knew better.  I'd done to much research on my own about the illness.  I actually agreed when my rheumatologist started mentioning it.  When he officially put it down as my diagnosis it was disturbing none the less and a relief to know at the same time.

It's Sunday morning, raining and I don't have a place that is not hurting.  Every area is tender to touch.   I can remember seeing the commercial years ago for FM thinking how can that be?  Surely they can figure out what is causing it. 

When I was still working we had several patients diagnosed with FM and I was particularly close with one.  The last two years I was there I couldn't believe the change I saw in her.  Before I knew it she changed before my eyes.  Looking much older and frail, I had so much empathy for her in my heart knowing the "ideas" people have when you tell them what's wrong.  Including my own employer.  I believe she was fighting it years, before knowing what was going on for sure.   That was different for me.  I started out with the attitude that no one but my family needs to know about what they "think" I have.  I will however do everything I am supposed to do to keep yourself going.  Exercise, watching my weight, keeping my bi annual appointments with my rheumatologist.  A lot of people who aren't getting the answers they need stop seeking treatment.  I stuck with him even though for 4-5 years he had no for sure answers for me but he always had plenty information.  Ideas and suggestions for supplements.  He is my favorite of all my doctors, and I have plenty! 

Which brings me to....
My weight:  I just said it to my husband this am.  What is worse, to tough out the pain or gain a little weight? As much as I'm hurting this morning I'm really scared of the weight gain.  It's already put 20 pounds on me once before.   I've continued to follow my WW's program.  My husband and daughter both will tell you that I don't play around with something I pay for.  I'm not going to "estimate" or say to myself, well I've eaten good the last few days so it won't hurt to eat out and guess at it.  I'm sort of OCD about it.  If I can't figure out the points or it's not a chain in the app to know the points I'm going to pass.  With all that said my point is the medication is trying to win.  I'm on a low dose and feel like I could really use a stronger one.   He wrote for BID (two times a day) so I'd have if I needed it.  Hopeful though that a nighttime dose could keep me comfortable.  Most of the time it does.   I'd say out of a month I might do an am dose 5 times.  Today was a day I needed that.  I'm actually waiting for it to kick in right now.  

When I started the FM medication I was two pounds away from my goal weight.  There is no doubt I'd have hit it for sure.  It's been a struggle though.  It constantly fluctuates between 2-3 numbers but never have I dipped past that number I was at when starting the medication.  I've hit it again a few times but mostly stay 2 to 3 pounds above that.  There is no doubt if I wouldn't continue to follow a plan I'd quickly gain enough to not fit any of my clothes.  I've always worried about controlling my weight because of my back pain and the challenge of exercising.  

My Stimulator:  Even though I've been frustrated with my coverage and my lack of support ( I feel ) from my St. Jude rep who I've loved and bragged about many times, I seem to always have it on and thankful to have it.   I don't know if he is just so busy now he can't keep up with his number of patients requests.  My last time reaching him it was quite disturbing waiting to hear back from him.  He's told me in the past, "bug me".  Well, I did.  On the day we were supposed to meet he set me up with someone else because something came up for him.  I've seen her before but not for adjustments.  She was with him for several of my visits because she was training.  We did ok with our meet, but I ran into a problem a couple of days later.  I text and called her.  Guess when I got a return call?  Four days later.  I had figured it out on my own by then, thank goodness.  My stimulator was not making connection with the battery.  I've experienced this before.  One of the reasons I had to have the reposition surgery last year. By the time I heard back from her it was just so disappointing that she even called at that point.  Like it was ok?  Her message gave a reason why I it took so long and it was not even a good reason.  I have to get over it because her and Mr. R are my only options for adjustments.  I'm at their mercy. 

To let you know how much I'm using it reflects in how often I'm needing to charge now  I charged my batter yesterday and it had only been two weeks.  It took 2 hours and 10 minutes.  I used to go a month. sometime longer before charging and at most it was an hour.   I've had it running 24/7 the last few months in this awful damp cold we've had.  I've found if I turn down pretty low and leave running I seem to not be as uncomfortable when moving around in my sleep.  I have 13 programs right now and can only use 2.  I'm thankful for them, but even they could use tweaking.  To have at the level I need I get the zaps into my side and stomach.  I  will soon just bite the bullet and reach out to Mr. R again.  I need to do it before I loose placement with the 2 I have because it could be days before I get something set up with him.  

Dallas:  He has started a medication to help reduce swelling of the tumor in his bladder.  He has good and bad days.  Some days except for his bleeding you wouldn't think anything was wrong.  Some days he is just so lazy and laying around looking pitiful.  Our vet said at some point we will need to put him on some pain medication.  He's still up for his afternoon walk and eating all of his food every evening and she said that is a really good sign.  We are very hopeful that this medication will shrink the tumor enough to keep him comfortable and still active a little longer.  

Sweet AJ and P:  Things are going great for them.  AJ nursing well and P is such a great big brother.  Always checking and asking questions about his "baby sister".  B had two week pictures of her and they are absolutely beautiful.  Can't wait to share, but I have to wait until B sends out her announcements.  They are on their way.  She did share one of P and AJ together so I can share that one with you.  

Makes my heart melt <3

If you are on WW's and always looking for a low point snack like me I'll share a couple I've been having.  I have discovered Wasa multigrain crispbread.  They are only 1 point a piece and I pile on a wedge of laughing cow cheese, also 1 point.  It is a filling snack.  Have a piece of fruit with it and a full glass of water and I promise you it will help curve your appetite until your next meal.  

Wasa crispbread with laughing cow cheese

After my medicine kicked in and I felt a little better this morning I decided to use up my over ripe bananas.   I usually make breakfast muffins with them.  This recipe was a 3 ingredient and I followed exactly.  I already know a few changes I willtry next time.  So simple and  15 minutes from start to oven.  If you are on weight watchers they are 1 point a piece.  I'll probably eat 3 with some fruit.  A good way for me to get some oatmeal because I do not like it in bowl.   I used a measuring tablespoon to make sure I made 16 which is what recipe called for it to make.  That's not as important if your not following WW's.  If you are it is because the points will not be correct if you add anything or make quantity different serving size.  If you want to make them head on over to Skinnytaste.com to get complete directions.  They are called "Healthy cookies"  1 cup of Quick oats, 2 ripe bananas and 1/4 cup of walnuts.  I really like blueberries with oatmeal but these are small so fruit really doesn't do to well.  I'm anxious to finish these and use cranberries or mini chocolate chips next.  

Healthy cookies

Another of my favorites is a pizza on flat bread or a bread that is called flatout fold it.  I love the Rosemary & Olive Oil flavor.  They can be hard to find sometime.  Great for hamburgers or chicken sandwich too.  It is made by same company as the flat out.  Each kind is 2 points but the tortilla I used is only 1pt.  I mentioned it in an earlier post.  I use it to make a wrap sandwich and also toast to crisp and cut into strips to dip in my soup or chili.  Today it worked awesome for my pizza since I was out of the flatout flat bread.  

7 point pizza

You know what I love about making my own pizza?  You can put a lot of 0 point items you like on there to make it yummy.  I used Paul Newman marinara Sauce 1 pt , turkey pepperonis (serving size) 2 pts, mozzarella chesse (serving size) 2 points and the tortilla is 1pt.  It is even better with the flatout flat bread because it's a little thicker and more filling. It also makes the pizza 8 pts vs 7 because bread is 2 pts not 1.  My extras were onions, bell pepper and banana peppers.  So tasty.  

For the first time in I don't know when I don't have any doctor or therapy appointments this coming week.  I won't know what to do with myself.  Really I'll be caring for Dallas.  He's becoming a handful right now.  

I've enjoyed watching the Olympics.  D and I've enjoyed watching together.  They're aren't many shows we watch together.   A few shows that D and I watch together will start coming on again this week so we're looking forward to that. 

Good night everyone.  Have a nice peaceful and pain free week.
Filled with H.O.P. E. (hold on pain ends)
Theresa

Meet A J

8lbs 14ozs 21in of Gods love for us





 

Let me start by apologizing for being away so long.  Today will not be anything about me, but about our newest bundle of joy.  My next post I'll update you on what's been going on with my "ailments".  They are a big part of what's kept me away from my blog.  Thank you to friends and followers who have emailed and messaged me to check on me and why I haven't been blogging.  

Friday January 24th was a very high anxiety day for me.  To start the weather conditions here in Baton Rouge were not normal for us.  We had freezing numbers with some precipitation and that equaled a mess for people who are not used to driving in these conditions.  

I had appointments for OT (the elbow) and PT (the back).  At the same time as my second appointment my daughter was at the doctor having a follow up ultrasound.  Baby girl wasn't moving satisfactory to doctor's liking on the Tuesday before.  She wasn't going to let B go another week without rechecking.  I was a nervous wreck while there at therapy.  The weather had my pain scale up and I was fretting the weather outside.  Everyone coming in after me said it was only getting worse and the car windows were icing over within their visit. That told me mine was for sure since I had already been there an hour and a half.  

I had plans to have my granddaughter who lives out of town to come for the week end because we all knew that my daughter would be delivering any time now.  I figured it was her last time to come for a few weeks since Nonna would be helping out with my "new" granddaughter.  Her maw maw and I had been watching the weather and texting back and forth before my appointment.  It wasn't looking good.  The interstate closed then a bridge for her and myself that had to be crossed closed.  

With all of this going on I was a nervous wreck and had both of my therapist worrying over me.  They are the greatest.  If you live here in Baton Rouge and need PT please let me give you there information.  This is my second go around there and I've been other places and there is no comparison.  The entire office including the front office is full of compassion.

I got a text from B saying AJ passed her movement test but barely.  She was not waiting to see the doctor which was not in the plans so of course we both worried briefly.  Shortly after she text me back and said they would be inducing on the Monday.  January 27th.  It hit me, we now know her birthday.  January 27th 2014.  

I got the sad face from my daughter on her text.  She wanted to go into labor on her own.  She had to be induced with P which made her labor harder and of course being your first it took so long.  She really wanted to deliver natural but it just wasn't in the cards for P.  Now with this news I'm sure that was the meaning of the sad face.   Pitocin induced contractions are different from your body's natural contractions , in strength and effect.  I'm sure that flashbacks were already in her mind of P's long hard labor ending with an epidural.  

When I was ready to leave therapy one of the aids had to walk me all the way to my car because the parking lot was iced over.  If I hadn't held on to this strong gentlemen it would have been like trying to ice skate to my car and I KNOW I wouldn't have made it.  Both my front and back windshield had iced over.  I sat for awhile with defrost on and thankfully was on my way slowly out the parking lot soon after.  

I talked to A's Maw Maw on the way home to update her on B and we discussed meeting in the morning.  Still no way to meet, due to iced bridges and closed interstate.   We did get to meet up later Saturday morning.  Although still very cold the rain cleared and the sun melted the ice.  She was one happy little girl to know that even if for a shorter time she could spend some time with Nonna and Poppa.  She was very curious about Aunt B and how she was. When was baby girl coming?  She loves her cousin P but very excited about having a girl cousin.  A has already planned what she wants to teach baby girl when she meets her.  A understood that at her next visit her new cousin would be here and Nonna promised her she would get to visit.  

A with her friend A2

6:30am Monday rolled around fast.  Once I got word she was settled in a room I headed to the hospital.  I'm grateful I live very close to the Womans Hospital.  During her stay I made some drives to and from hospital on icy roads.  When I arrived they were starting her Pitocin and her pains started quickly.  It was so hard as her mother to watch her go through the labor pains once they got really intense.  At one point I couldn't help cry for her.  I just laid across her bed and prayed for things to move along quickly.  Myself, her mother in law, baby girls Nannie and of course her supporting husband were with her too.

Thankfully things moved along quickly.  Well, easy for me to call quickly but compared to P it was.  By 10:30 she was at a 9.  They called the doctor in, nurses started scrambling and B was in transition.  No turning back, she did it!  A calm came over her for a short period then a few pushes, along with such pain in her face it scared me, and baby AJ was here. 

Minutes before delivery

We were all in awe over our new pretty big, blessing.  After daddy cut the cord they gave her straight to my daughter.  I can't begin to try and tell you how it felt to see my daughter hold her first girl skin to skin immediately after birth.  She was beautiful even without being cleaned up. 

This was the second time I witnessed the miracle of birth.  I can never thank my daughter enough for letting us be a part of it.  She was such a champ.  Hearing her tell the story to visitors after you could tell how worth it it was for her to deliver natural.  She had experienced both and said she would do it natural again if they were to have another.  I told her I'm a little scared how fast it may go on third child.  She didn't even look like she had a baby several hours later.  My daughter is very blessed to have a wonderful husband and a very loving and helpful mother in law.  It was just as hard for her to see B in pain.  We were just so happy for her in the end that she was able to accomplish her goal.  

Right before they unwrapped her for B

B had the normal 48 hour stay.  AJ gave us a scare in the early morning the next day. (Tuesday)  She ended up in the transition nursery, then on to NICU from there.  She definitely gave my daughter something to write about in her book.  B knew just what do, didn't panic and called for help right away.  I just regret for her that she had to experience the scare alone. 

My daughter was released Wednesday evening but AJ had to stay another night so mom stayed on the sofa in NICU with her.   In the end she was just fine.  The scare we had did reveal something with her little heart that they needed to know about.  She will have a follow up with the cardiologist next month, but they expect everything to be all clear by then.  

On Thursday they got to go home and begin life as a family of 4 now.  P loves his little sister. He's doing great with her.  Checks on her periodically and then on about his business.  He's so helpful too.  Already knows what we need before we do when changing her diaper.  :-)

P meeting little sister for the first time

P home with AJ

On Friday AJ had her first visit at the pediatrician.  She was so good.  She just let her doctor do her thing.  The only thing she didn't like was undressing and redressing.  Everyday she seems to look a little different.  It's been such a blessing to be around to help out my daughter and see the wonders of the first week of life.  Lets face it, I'm 49.  I remember a lot about my children but not so much about the first week of life.  What really amazes me is how everyone thinks she looks like someone different.  We've heard like her big brother, her momma, and 3 different people said she looks like her Nonna.  Imagine how that made Nonna smile and melt my heart.  What a blessing.  Three grandchildren all special in their own way.  A, my first.  Something very special.  P, the only boy and my daughters first child.  Then AJ, my 2nd granddaughter but my daughter having a daughter is something special in itself.  I love them all equally <3.

4 days old

6 days old

I'm home today for only 2nd time since she was born.  I decided I would do nothing else but laundry, clean up pictures on my computer and this post.  It was time.  Now that I've got this done I feel like I will be back into a routine again.  I will be so happy to see some warm weather come and have the pool open again.

In April my mom and I are taking a cruise together.  We've been saying for a good long time we wanted to take a trip together.  All to often we talk about doing things and never make them happen.  I'm glad to say we are, and there is no long car ride or plane ride involved.  Some warm weather is an excellent perk too!

A note about AJ.  That is not her name or what anyone calls her.  It is her initials of her first and second name. A beautiful name that I love more every day I see her.   As with everyone else I respect their privacy and prefer not to use full names.  

Thanks again for your understanding through some difficult times.  My pain level with my back, elbow and fibromyalgia has been off the chart through these winter months.  I'm hoping to be getting some relief soon.  There is rain coming this evening so it was a great day to just take it easy and get some blogging done.  I hope to catch up on some of my favorite blogs I follow next.

Full of H.O.P.E.
Theresa

Decisions, decisions...

The time has come that I can no longer put of making a decision on accepting or declining the benefits that come along with disability.  I've been in touch a with a representative of Medicare Plans.  My attorney gave me his number and told me to hang onto it. The day I starting getting information regarding Medicare benefits I should give him a call.  Please don't try and figure it all out on your own.  I clearly see why now.  It can be quite confusing. 

We're clear on one thing.  It would be a lot less expensive premium if I take the medicare coverage.  Everything is different though.  I've had to do  a lot of research to prepare to sit and meet with the Humana Representative.  For example; checking with all my doctors to make sure they take this plan.  I also went online and entered all the prescription medications I take to see what they would cost under this plan.  Some were the same but several were more expensive. A couple they don't cover.  Mainly it was the newer prescriptions that haven't been around forever. It works on a tier plan and depending where the drug falls depends on your payment for it.   Certain tiers give you different coverage.  Long story short several of the medications I take are $20 to $30 more per month so it you multiply that times 12 it almost makes up half of the savings.  

I spent several hours on the phone today trying to get answers.  I called Humana directly since the website would not give me a clear answer on if some of my doctors were involved with the plan or not.  The most important ones are, but for the ones that aren't I want to see  what my options are to replace them.  I've seen some of these doctors since 2006 or earlier.  It all boils down to dollars and cents.  Honestly, my husband asked me forget the money, does it benefit you to be covered with Humana insurance? If not just leave things as they are.  I couldn't really answer that.  I think we will be close to breaking even.  I just have to do a little more homework tomorrow.  The deadline is closing in so I have to make my decision. 

My daughter and her family left for Disney World FLorida.  I was worried about the storm that was brewing around in the gulf but it turned out just fine. At half way they stopped for the night and completed their journey the next day.  My daughter has kept myself and P's other maw maw excited with a lot of pictures all day, everyday.  They are all so cute.  He is surly have a great time and making some wonderful memories.  Nonna is so happy for him.

I'm a bit worried about my daughter.  Her feet are hurting her after 2 days and 2 parks.  MAGIC KINGDOM & HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS. P, ha..he is a brave little fellow.  He's riding all those big rides with his dad and mom.  I thing some momma is very willing to sit out because of the long lines. This gives her a chance to rest her poor feet.  

Maw Maw and I (Nonna) have been in stitches all day with pictures and texts from mom.  P's little sister will get to hear all about big brother seeing all of his favorite characters.  It is so obviously clear how happy and excited he is to be there.  I have so many pictures. Here is a wrapped up preview she made for instagram.

Magic Kingdom

Magic Kingdom

Swimming is down to a minimum.  Last time I was in the pool was Thursday evening.  The temperature had made it back to 90.  I enjoyed that swim so much thinking it may be my last.  Thursday night P came over to sleep so mommy could get started with shopping, finishing up some work and packing in the early morning.  No swimming that evening.  

Friday morning P and I set out at 8 to go and pick up A at our usual meeting place.  We picked her up and came back to my house. They played and had a great time together.  After lunch P's mom came and A had to come to OT with me and watch me be tortured once again.  My right side the therapist agreed was better.  The left, worse.  She could hardly touch it.  After consulting with her peers she came back and told me we needed to add a harness to keep my wrist from moving.  Keeping my wrist from moving keeps the tendon at rest so it can heal.  I still need to do the exercises and stretches at home.

I have to admit I noticed a big difference the first day.  This brace is so much more comfortable than the one she made for me on the right hand.  I realized just how much it helped when I took it off Sunday to do some dishes. As I was unloading the dishwasher I could feel how sore and swollen it is.  Tonight after the stretches I rubbed the area with a medicated cream and then measured out of curiosity to see if it was still swollen.  Around my right elbow measures  an inch larger than the left one.  This sure does seem to be a slow healing process. However I am glad to be better on one side at least. 

A stayed until Sunday.  On Saturday night I took her to see her daddy when he got off work.  He is working 13 days and 1 day off until Thanksgiving so it is hard to get some visitations in right now. I was so proud of the them both.  When we left they both did so well.  I took a couple of pictures of them together.  (are you surprised?)  A likes to take 2 always!. One silly and one with a smile. Silly usually means her tongue out.  This has been her routine for quite some time now.  It's funny, as I mentioned earlier I'm getting a lot of pictures from my daughter and many have P's tongue out.  I asked if he got that from Lou Lou.  (her nickname at their house) and she said, no he's just so happy he is beside himself and don't know what to do with it.  Too funny, that kid.

Saturday night

Friday

We are experiencing a fall like week here in Baton Rouge. Cool in the morning and late evening.  Next week vacation.  Woo hoo, I just can't wait.  We've checked the extended forecast for Destin and it looks awesome.  October is our favorite time to go and we've never been disappointed.  The weather is perfect and the crowds are minimal.  Hopefully I will feel well enough to go to a couple of places we love to shop each year.  

I started typing last night and got really sleepy.  (this is a GREAT thing) I put down the computer and picked up first thing thing this am to finish.  I plan to head to AT&T before I let myself get tied into another survey and can't upgrade my phone. I want to look at the new iphones and see if I like them.  After that I'm off to OT.  Sometimes I don't like change.  I could very well keep the one I have.  Instead of my usual inspiring bit I have to leave you with some more pictures that will clearly show you how much fun my grandson is having.  Oh how I wish I could be there with him.

Living with H.O.P.E
Theresa

Dinner with Mickey & friends

One Happy Boy!

Hey look, it's Pluto

Think I'll take a picture with him :-)

10,000 page views....wow

This is been a very busy and overwhelming week.  From the time we got home Monday evening from the beach until I returned home from meeting A's other grandparents this afternoon.  The weather here this week was bad.  Even when it wasn't raining the threat of rain is painful for me.  So much pressure across my back. 

I'm three days away, very anxious,  but I really have mixed feelings about it all.  I wish that since I was being cut on again the result would eliminate this chronic annoying and sometime "take control of my life" pain.  Ok, so it's not going to eliminate it,  I know that but please please let it serve the purpose it is supposed to. If your new to the blog, I'm having trouble with my battery placement so they are going in to replace with a smaller one.  The only down side is it requires charging more often vs the larger one.  That is least of my concerns.  It has been causing added pain since January so charging more often is a breeze if this gets rid of it.   I'm so tired of procedure after procedure with no good results.  Done...pity party over!

Back to A. Her paw paw meet me on Friday after lunch and we stayed busy all week end.  She really wanted to swim and I thought earlier in the week that would be possible but with the cold front that came through at the end of week the water temp went back down 
:-{

A and Dallas outside enjoying the sunshine.

D and I brought her to the zoo Saturday morning.  We did a lot of walking around.  Poppa pulled the wagon when A wanted to ride.  When she felt like walking, she wanted to pull the wagon.  After an hour, Nonna seriously considered riding in the wagon.  If I could have been certain it wouldn't break on me, I'd probably have given it a try.  

oops, there upside down!

loved petting the animals

look at that static hair :-)

When we returned home A went down for a nap and Nonna got on the heating pad and rested the entire time she slept.  She was ready for another outing when she was up.  I'd promised we'd go to the Dollar Tree before she went home and that's when she wanted to go.  So off we went to the DT.  Who would think you could spend an hour in DT?  We did.
After we went across the street to Chick fil A.  She couldn't miss it.  You'd have sworn there was a NEON sign flashing across the street.  For once there was no one on the play center and she had it all to her self.  Shorty after a group of "rowdy" kids came and did me a favor. 
A was ready to go as soon as they kicked their shoes off.  We ate then made it home around 7.  

worn out from the zoo trip

ready to go again after refueling!

Around the time we were resting during the day my beautiful daughter was in one of her friends wedding.  My grandson was the ring bearer.  A handsome one at that.  I thought about them all day.  Wishing I was there.  Wondering how it was going?  I couldn't go for reasons it would be best not to talk about here on my blog.  ( it had nothing to do with A )

How handsome is he?  VERY

After hair and make up

I wanted to see everyone, my daughter, P, the bride of course but I was also looking forward to seeing a long time friend who I haven't seen since I don't know when.  I seriously can't remember.  We used to spend so many hours in a week together.  More time than we spent with our husbands.  We took a lot of vacations together.  Concert groupies together.  And sometime we just got in the car and just drove.  No plan of where we were going.  Just getting away.    We shared a love of some of the same musical artists also.  So we sang away to them on our trips to nowhere.   She was also my walking buddy.  A very faithful one. 

She asked my daughter about me.  I will make a point to get in touch with her while I'm home recovering with time on my hands.   We'll have to schedule more than one call with all we need to catch up on.  

This morning we took a ride to visit Aunt B and cousin P.  One of the first things she asked about when I picked her up.  By the time dragging Nonna was ready, we only had two hours to visit when we got there.  A was her normal shy self at first but by time to leave she didn't want to go.  We weren't on the interstate no time and she was fast asleep.  I had picked her up some lunch and she was still holding on to it when she crashed.  

My sweet babies <3

They are so precious, even from behind.

Not long after we started home, she was out!

If you remember back in December I mentioned loosing my great aunt.  She was my moms, dad's sister.  One of a twin.  And they were the babies of 13.  This week my mom was in touch all week regarding her husband.  He started feeling bad and having trouble breathing.  He and my aunt in their 90's.  He until recently went to the gym every morning and worked out.  Always outside in the heat of the summer working the yard and loved to fix things like my dad.  Matter of fact since I've lost my dad he has been to fix several things for my mom around her house.  Him and my dad were really close.  He had a hard time dealing with the fact that my dad went before him.  

At first the doctors thought pneumonia was cause due to all the fluid in his lungs.  After many tests it was discovered he has cancer.  In his lungs and has spread to his liver.  Now I know he is in his 90's, but it's not an easy thing to hear at any age.  Not the way you want to go and he has taken such good care of himself and his wife through a very touch illness over the last 6-8 years.  Now you know if you've followed my blog that my mom is right there.  Just like she was for my Aunt, and her brother several years before.   He was sick with cancer.  She brought him home from the nursing home to care for him there.  My aunt never forgot what my mom did for him.  She was starting to get ill herself so she couldn't care for him.  Obviously the same age being they were twins.  Now my uncle has a chance to breath again.  Not be in constant worry of carrying for his wife and dealing with the abuse that came along with her illness.  It's only been 5 months and he's hit with this news.  I think it's so sad.  With all that said, why aren't I more grateful that I just deal with pain every day and not be grateful that it isn't something that will kill me.  It has definitely weakened me, but I'm not going anywhere.  

I plan to get a menu together tomorrow and make it to the store on Tuesday so I'm prepared to be home for awhile.  I need some good healthy meals.  I've been pretty lazy lately.  I really loose my will power when I have a lot of pain going on because it's so easy to eat something bad rather than take the time to fix something healthy.  I lost 17 pounds on weight watchers last summer after the doctor released me to do what exercises I could.  I started in July and hit my goal at the end of October.  November December and January even though off WW's I still managed to keep within 1-2 pounds of goal weight.  When my battery issues started and things go more difficult I quit trying so hard.  With that said I've slowly put 6 of the 17 pounds back on.  It won't be hard to move on up to 10 if I don't do something especially with no exercise for several weeks.  My new clothes are fitting a little tight so I'm feeling it there too.  I'm not about to pass by my pre weight clothes and get to the bigger size I had to buy because it got so bad.  I have to at least get 3 of the 6 off then I'll be comfortable again but ultimately would like to get back down to the total 17.  That gives me a little play room.  Something I definitely don't have now.

I've had a lot of friends offer to come visit after surgery.  Last year I was just got so down in the dumps after and had trouble getting my stimulator to work so I didn't want to see or talk to anyone for sometime.  I'm looking for the visitors this time so give me a ring if your free to come by and visit.  I'll gladly take you up on it.   I'm really looking forward to being released to get in the pool and then I'll stay busy for sure.  I know I've probably said that a million times.  I'm terrible about repeating my self.  

A few people have asked about my hives.  Although they continue to hang around they are so few compared to the previous 3 years when there were plenty every day to deal with.  Since they've returned I get 2-3 once or twice a week that hang around a couple of days.  I can live with that better that what I was dealing with.  Ultimately I'd love from them to go away and STAY away.  

Thank you again to all my readers, new friends I've made and old ones sticking by me.  Sometime in the last couple of days I've reached ten thousand page views.  That just blows my mind.  

I started this blog two weeks before surgery last year.  Here we are a year later and surgery again.  Lets just hope everything goes right this time.  I'm sue Mr. R is tired of hearing from me.   Happy Cinco De Mayo if you celebrate it.  This is the first time in our time together that we didn't go out for mexican dinner on this festive day.  Good night all!

Staying strong....Theresa
   The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.

A little encouragement goes a long way....

The comment below was left on post "partial answers" I read it and thought how does she know my thoughts and say the same things I say.  A perfect example, not being able to do simple stuff.  I'm grateful somedays I can do more than others but it seems to me that when I really need to have a good day, those are the worst.  

Hi... My name is Alicia I had my stimulator put in 8 weeks ago. I dont know how to feel!! It is not helping in my upper back. It helps to get rid of some of the pain in lumbar and lower back. What really gets me is not being able to do simple stuff.... when I do little stuff around house;Im quickly reminded by my body sit down. Im in pain all the time.... now Im second guessing my decsion to get stimulator..... please email any suggestions..
Alicia

Those little things around the house have to be broken down for me.  I am stubborn and for a long time continued to just knock it out and get it over with.  After that the next day I was useless.  Now I try do at least one thing a day.  By the time I'm done I need to start over but at least it gets done.  My husband has heard so many times I was going to......blah blah blah but by the time I finished Wal Mart and another errand I had to come home.  When I was working I know it really got old for him to come home every day and find me in the bed.  I always felt like he just couldn't know what I was going through.  Am I sounding familiar?

I replied to Alicia's comment and told her I'd communicate with her via email so I wouldn't just be repeating myself for all my readers or have a comment a page long.  I gave her an email address to contact me and little did I know I heard right back from her.  While reading her email the tears began to flow.  For the first time in the last month I felt a flutter of hope and relief that I'm not crazy.  That others are assuring me they are dealing with some of the same struggles I have.  We're not determining who has it worse just that we're there for each other and no matter the level or time of pain you're in, ITS REAL and YOUR LIVING with it.  Here is what she said to me.....

Hi, Theresa!
 Thank you for responding. I have been following your blog since August 30th when I had my surgery. It has been 8 long weeks! I was on my morning walk last november, and I was hit by a car while walking across the street. Since then I have had neck fusion surgery to repair the c4-c5 disks that were rubbing in my neck. This left me with a metal plate and four screws. I have disks that are also rubbing in my lumbar... I did spinal decompression, therapy nothing helped. I'm allergic to the steroids, they caused me to bleed internally... To keep from having surgery on my back I decided to have the stimulator put in.  When I first got it I found that it worked pretty good to help me out with my daily pain. I felt a little relief in the lumbar and legs... Im noticing now that the pain Im having in my upper back is horrible... The stimulator does nothing for this area... When I told the Doc, about this he said it may not be able to reach this area, due to the spinal fliud in that area being thick. I'm trying to give the stimulator a chance... But I can't even sit at the kitchen table for long periods of time, because of the pain in my upper back. Im a freelance graphic designer and can no longer work... What gets me is not being able to do the stuff I love to do. I'm really depressed... I see a therapist every week. My life has changed so much in the last few months. I't seems like no one understands!!! I have gotten to the point where I dont want to explain anymore, I do ALOT of journaling!!! When you tell people your in pain on a daily basis,they don't know what to say to you. I have a appointment on Monday to see my Doctor and the St. jude rep. I hope that she can do some fine tuning (as you put it ; )  and make me feel a lil better. I have a torn rotator cuff that , I will be having surgery on in December. I thought that getting the stimulator would help me move forward, but it feels like I'm going back. Your blog has helped me alot. It helps to know that someone else is going through the samething......

I'm sure if you've been following my blog for long a lot of her words sound familiar.  When she said " I've gotten to the point where I don't want to explain anymore"  It it home for me.  One of the biggest reasons I've become a hermit and stay home any chance I get.  This doesn't sit well with my therapist, she wants me out spending time with friends and talking about other things.  She always says, your friends will understand that some subjects I just don't want to talk about.  I'm ok with that, but it's obvious I can't do some of the things they can and I just feel like a party pooper. 

My heart goes out to Alicia.  Her life was great one day and completely changed the next.  What a long hard journey to recover and she's not finished yet.  Kind of odd that she is getting coverage where I'm yearning to have it.  Doesn't seem fair that you go through this kind of procedure and it doesn't work.  I feel the same as her.  Relief in the beginning and then wham out of no where I totally lost what coverage I had.  Then dealing with all these nerves being effected that don't need to be that actually cause pain for me.  It was so much better earlier on which doesn't make sense.  Not even to the doctors.    I'm still hoping in a little more time maybe Mr. R or Lovely will be able to get it the right place for me.  If not, I have some big decisions to make. 

She has a grandson she longs to be able to care for and spend precious time with.  That went straight to the heart for me.   Something else we feel the same about and both said is if we feel this way now, what will it be like 10 years from now.  I've said so many times that when I first get up in the morning I feel like a 47 year old trapped in a 90 year old body.  It's slow moving and wait for the drugs to kick in.

Donna; thanks for the nice comment.  It's readers like you and Alicia that lift my spirits.  I never like hearing someone else is dealing with this type of pain but knowing that you understand helps you cope a little better. Please fill me in on how you are doing.  One thing  you can count on is if you reach out to me, I'll be here.  I've contacted two SCS patients with a blog and the never answered. One I tried again because our cases seemed so similar I thought she could give me some answers.  She recovered and her life completely changed.  She went back to doing things she used to do.  So well that her blog isn't anything about SCS's its all about her career.  

Leaving you with a picture of an aloe vera plant I'v had since 2010.  It was started from my friend Betty's plant and has grown and been shared with some of my friends.  Odd thing it has this add bloom (?) in the middle that I've never seen before.  My husband things it may be one of those types of plants that bloom every 5 years or so.  Who knows but it's unusual.

Our pool is officially closed.  D put the cover on this week.  A sad day, I'm already wishing May was here. It looked so pretty outside today.  Sun was shining and Dallas wanted to just lay on the deck and sun bathe.  Didn't feel like winter coming at all.  If I had my way I'd sure keep it away.  Makes my condition so much more intense.  Have a safe and fun week end.  Here in Baton Rouge we are bombarded with Bama fans for the big game tomorrow night.  

Fighting back.....Theresa

The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.