You've heard this before "Screaming on the inside, smiling on the outside", thats me. These past couple of weeks some things have come to light. Things deep in my heart that I know to be true but acting, away from this blog, they are fine. I still believe one day I'm going to be typing on here about some solution to my pain that I or some medical genius has discovered.
When I saw Dr. C last Friday he asked me to try the Limbrel again. Why not try it once a day instead of twice and maybe it won't effect you the same? We decided on pm in case the dizziness returned it may wear off while I'm in bed overnight. I was game for that. I'm desperate. He also recommended I try adding some turmeric in my diet. It had been brought to my attention by my friend who convinced me to try the gluten free. So now my favorite Dr. is recommending so why not? He told me to do some research and find the best way to use it. Just adding it as a spice to my food would be helpful. My friend however had encouraged me to go the smoothie route using the root form. I found a recipe for making a tea with it. Since I love herbal teas anyway I chose that option.
I've had several really tough days where I could barely get out of bed. I made it to the kitchen and hurt so bad from head to toe I was sick like with the flu. I tried to figure it out like always. For once I think I finally did. It was that nasty thing called "Fibromyalgia". I'm finally starting to accept and understand how it works. If I do something just a little bit out of my range it punishes me the following day. This was very hard to manage being that I've pushed my limits for years.
My psychologist changed my antidepressant last month. Something that is supposed to help with anxiety and FM pain too. I've really been beating myself up the last couple of weeks trying to figure out why I keep feeling so bad no matter what I do. I've been Gluten Free for 2 months. I'm drinking the turmeric tea, drinking ACV, back on the Limbrel, using my stimulator day and night, using multiple over the counter creams and wearing my patches again even though I argue they are too expensive and don't work. I've been so angry. At who? Everyone who don't take care of their self and feel just fine. I recently overheard a man talking about his grandfather and how he ate fatty meat, drank the hard stuff, smoked since he was a teenager, never exercised a day in his life, overweight and is still going strong at 90 something. That's all I can seem to focus on. Does he know how lucky he is? Why am I doing everything right, but can't seem to get any better?
Monday morning I decided to get aggressive with getting some relief. I called my PM doctor, which means I left a message with the nurse, and pleaded to let me try an injection again. I'm desperate. A lot has changed since I've tired in the past. I didn't get a return call until that evening and of course the doctor was already gone. "I'll talk to him tomorrow" Seriously? Then she proceeded to inform me the next day they'd be in another town so I probably wouldn't hear back until Wednesday. Oh, no problem. I have the rest of my life. Excuse my attitude but I'm so tired of dealing with the health care system. Do you think I heard from them today? No I didn't. I was dealing with another doctor today so I didn't even call and complain. Oh, but I will tomorrow morning.
I started thinking about how my pain increased around the time we changed my antidepressant medicine. Could this have anything to do with it? Again...I'm desperate. I had to call for a refill on something the previous psychologist had me on and I didn't notice had 0 refills until I went to call in the refill. I asked to talk to the doc since I was on the phone with them anyway. The receptionist said she'd return my call as soon as possible. Well, you know what my attitude was on that. By the time my husband was home from work I hadn't heard from either doctor!
Surprised, my psychologist called me around 6:15. We started to talk and I had a complete melt down on the phone with her. All my frustrations came out. She pointed out to me that sometime an antidepressant helps with pain on such a small scale that you don't even realize it. When we changed it it's possible that I had an increase in pain overall. If it wasn't working as well on my anxiety too that could effect things. This particular drug was supposed to target patients with FM pain.
We decided together until I see her in two weeks to start back on what I was taking previously since I had some on hand. If I notice my pain decreases a little we may increase the dosage on it. If nothing changes she said we will try another she had in mind before we tried the one I started last month. She wanted to review my genetic testing again before making any final decisions. I'm ok with her decisions. At least I feel like something is being done. I'm scared of "no" change more than "change" at this time. It has to get better than this. I've come to far and tired so many things.
As far as my PM doctor I'll be calling them again tomorrow. It's terrible that two months in a row I've not been able to get them to return my call. I'd love to get out of his practice. I like him and the doctor I saw there before he did my implant but they have become this huge practice that hustle people in and out like cattle. They go to a different town every day. My fear is where will I go? No other PM doctor will want to treat another doctors SCS patient.
It's also time to see Mr. R. The 16 programs I have, have been good to me. I was only using a few, but they kept changing every few weeks. Now I can't seem to get one to keep me comfortable. I was putting off until I got some of these other issues resolved but it can't wait now. For his sake...I hope he's reachable.
I'm just so tired of feeling bad. I can come here and complain all I want and not feel bad about it. I'm sorry to say that beside a few family members ( like my daughter and my husband ) I've pretty much shut everyone else out. Just because...I have nothing nice to say right now. I'm pretty good at faking it but I just can't right now. I'm so tired, so worn. A close friend left me a message last week and said she was sorry for being a bad friend and not checking on me. She asked me to call her back so we could catch up and I feel awful that I haven't. She's not the bad friend, I am.
I guess that's enough venting. No sleep doesn't help things either. I want to try and stay with my closing I've been using. Having HOPE. ( Hold on pain ends) My hands are slipping.... It's so hard right now.
Holding on tightly.....gentle hugs
Theresa
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
FDA Acetaminophen mandate
My husband picked up my refill on my pain medication for me last week. The pharmacist wanted to make sure he made me aware that the acetaminophen level had been lowered from 500 to 325. I had read about this so I wasn't surprised. I could tell you all about what I read but I'll just share the link for those who are interested.
http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/ucm381644.htm
There is a need for concern. I've heard on the news all the concerns of the effects on your liver. I always stick to the recommended dosage. Not to say that I don't need 500, but I trust the FDA is looking out for patients who really need to take it on a regular basis. I've been pumping my stomach with NSAIDs for 10+ years. Since my back surgery it's been on a scheduled daily dosage without missing. Like a baby takes a bottle. One reason is it helps me keep the pain medication level down which helps it continue to work. I get an hour or two relief so I plan accordingly. If I took it more often I believe it will help even less.
I start out with the ibuprofen, 2 hours later the main medicine, 2 hours later more ibuprofen then depending on what I have to accomplish that day I sweat it out, stretch, lye on the heating pad and try to make it to the next pain medication dose. If I just can't make it I take some motrin in between the two kinds. Approximately 4 out of 7 nights I have to take a 3rd dose of pain medicine before going to bed. If I don't let it get out of control I can skip it and just take another dose of ibuprofen if it has been long enough. Once I'm off my feet, not sitting or standing I get about 70% relief. ( in my back )
You know the commercial that advertises why take 4-6 of this pain medicine when you could take 2 for all day? It humors me every time. I take 4 of the liquid ibuprofen. Two used to work years ago. Then I needed 3, now it's four. When they first came out with that commercial I decided to try Aleve again. It never worked for me in the past. I tried it twice and then gave the full bottle to my son for his back pain. It did nothing for me. I've even tried Rx naproxen. Somethings just don't work for some people.
So remember when I said above there is a need for concern? For me, that's why. There have been times that I had my pain level get so high that an hour later I took another half I was so desperate for just a little relief. That would put me at 750 of the acetaminophen. If I were to need to do that now even two an hour apart in that type of situation would only put me at 625. If this were to happen in the morning I could still have my second and/or third dose. In a 24hour period you should not have more than 4000mg so I am in very safe levels.
A big concern for people who take acetaminophen everyday is reading labels. There are so many other medications (cold and flu) that contain acetaminophen. Another increased risk is certain individuals who drink alcohol on a regular basis and take acetaminophen. If you have any concerns there is plenty of information on great medical web sites to answer your questions. Of course you can always discuss with your doctor also.
Still waiting on the call from the veterinarian office on answers from LSU. I'm also waiting on some warm weather. Oh, have I already mentioned that? I'll take above 50 for a full week and be thrilled. Oh yeah, and some sunshine regularly. Guess I'm trying to play God now.
AJ is doing great. She had her two week check up and is now up to 9lbs and 14ozs.
I've skipped physical and occupational therapy for the third week. I did see my social worker last Thursday because it was a much needed visit. On my next post I will fill you in on my elbow, my stimulator and handling the fibromyalgia. I have my 3 month check up with my PM doctor on Monday and I'm actually looking forward to it.
Until then I hope your days are pain free. Theresa
http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/ucm381644.htm
There is a need for concern. I've heard on the news all the concerns of the effects on your liver. I always stick to the recommended dosage. Not to say that I don't need 500, but I trust the FDA is looking out for patients who really need to take it on a regular basis. I've been pumping my stomach with NSAIDs for 10+ years. Since my back surgery it's been on a scheduled daily dosage without missing. Like a baby takes a bottle. One reason is it helps me keep the pain medication level down which helps it continue to work. I get an hour or two relief so I plan accordingly. If I took it more often I believe it will help even less.
I start out with the ibuprofen, 2 hours later the main medicine, 2 hours later more ibuprofen then depending on what I have to accomplish that day I sweat it out, stretch, lye on the heating pad and try to make it to the next pain medication dose. If I just can't make it I take some motrin in between the two kinds. Approximately 4 out of 7 nights I have to take a 3rd dose of pain medicine before going to bed. If I don't let it get out of control I can skip it and just take another dose of ibuprofen if it has been long enough. Once I'm off my feet, not sitting or standing I get about 70% relief. ( in my back )
You know the commercial that advertises why take 4-6 of this pain medicine when you could take 2 for all day? It humors me every time. I take 4 of the liquid ibuprofen. Two used to work years ago. Then I needed 3, now it's four. When they first came out with that commercial I decided to try Aleve again. It never worked for me in the past. I tried it twice and then gave the full bottle to my son for his back pain. It did nothing for me. I've even tried Rx naproxen. Somethings just don't work for some people.
So remember when I said above there is a need for concern? For me, that's why. There have been times that I had my pain level get so high that an hour later I took another half I was so desperate for just a little relief. That would put me at 750 of the acetaminophen. If I were to need to do that now even two an hour apart in that type of situation would only put me at 625. If this were to happen in the morning I could still have my second and/or third dose. In a 24hour period you should not have more than 4000mg so I am in very safe levels.
A big concern for people who take acetaminophen everyday is reading labels. There are so many other medications (cold and flu) that contain acetaminophen. Another increased risk is certain individuals who drink alcohol on a regular basis and take acetaminophen. If you have any concerns there is plenty of information on great medical web sites to answer your questions. Of course you can always discuss with your doctor also.
Still waiting on the call from the veterinarian office on answers from LSU. I'm also waiting on some warm weather. Oh, have I already mentioned that? I'll take above 50 for a full week and be thrilled. Oh yeah, and some sunshine regularly. Guess I'm trying to play God now.
AJ is doing great. She had her two week check up and is now up to 9lbs and 14ozs.
I've skipped physical and occupational therapy for the third week. I did see my social worker last Thursday because it was a much needed visit. On my next post I will fill you in on my elbow, my stimulator and handling the fibromyalgia. I have my 3 month check up with my PM doctor on Monday and I'm actually looking forward to it.
Until then I hope your days are pain free. Theresa
For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.
Philippians 4:13
Philippians 4:13
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| Look at those fingers |
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| This is called grab and snap! |
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| A with AJ |
Monday, October 21, 2013
Home Sweet Home
I believe coming home is the hardest part of vacation. Your never ready to leave and you have to pack your things anyway. Then you all ways come home with more than you left with. Right away I started planning Saturday when we started home Friday evening so I could rest on Sunday. 1/3 into the ride home I was so uncomfortable I literally didn't think I could make it. My stimulator was so high it was nerve racking. When we stopped for something to eat I was like a robot getting out of the truck.
When we made it in I was never so happy to get out of an automobile. Between the packing and loading to leave, unloading when home and I think the biggest culprit was the rain. Something we had not seen in a week in FL.
That's very typical of how it starts too. About 6-7 hours before the weather gets here. I didn't sleep worth a flip even though I was thrilled to be back in my bed.
On Saturday I hardly did anything. My back was so sore. It was different than my "normal" pain. I felt like I'd been beat with a board. I took an epson soak and did a little laundry. Other than that I stayed on the heating pad and in bed most of the day. Thank goodness I felt a little better on Sunday because I really needed to go grocery shopping and finish up around here. Of course there is the huge stack of mail when you return to go through. Blah...
I did find one thing very exciting in this stack of mail. The hundred dollar check that I was promised for doing the Television study. Nothing like coming home from a week off and finding some extra money!
I was determined to cook Sunday. Maybe even two things. I just love having supper already done for a couple of nights during the week. By the time I went to Sam's and Wal Mart I was hungry and tired. I had lunch, a rest on the heating pad then back at it. I started a pot of red beans and decided I really wanted some chili. I like for it to get cold but I'd been craving some for a couple of weeks.
I've always cooked my chili from scratch the same way. Being on Weight Watchers I knew I'd have to do some work to figure out the points or I could use a recipe already calculated, tried and rated. It was different than my chili but I absolutely loved it. 5 points for a cup. Some 2 point Mexican WW's cheese, and 1 pt worth of light sour cream on top and it was off the hook!!
My son stopped by on his way home from work to get a bite to eat and gave it a star rating also. I liked it enough I'd cook it that way again WW's or not. Matter of fact, I usually like to skip a night between left overs. I didn't mind at all having again tonight. It's red beans tomorrow night!
I bought a huge pack of chicken Sunday to make Chicken tortilla soup. Another favorite when fall sets in. It freezes so well and so easy to make. Those are two big factors for me if I'm going to cook a "big" batch. I have an appointment with my psychologist and the OT tomorrow. After I get home I'll get that soup going. I love this season, but not the switch of warm to cold then back and forth. It's really hard on the joints.
On Wednesday evening I'm having dinner with my group of friends that meet regularly. I'm glad we're getting it in before the holidays. I'm pretty sure the last time we got together was in May. It's amazing it such a short period of time so much there is to talk about. I'll have to talk fast. It's the first night of the world series. #redsox #bostonstrong
I'm not sure If I mentioned or not I bought some Coconut Oil a few months ago. I'd seen on Dr. Oz that it was good for many uses and I wanted to try for a particular use. I had to research to find a good brand now I'm seeing it every where. Even Sam's has a huge container of it. Like the size you would get powder detergent in. I don't need that much Coconut oil. LOL. Here are some uses.
Have a great week! I plan to give it my best because I have H.O.P.E.
Theresa
When we made it in I was never so happy to get out of an automobile. Between the packing and loading to leave, unloading when home and I think the biggest culprit was the rain. Something we had not seen in a week in FL.
That's very typical of how it starts too. About 6-7 hours before the weather gets here. I didn't sleep worth a flip even though I was thrilled to be back in my bed.
On Saturday I hardly did anything. My back was so sore. It was different than my "normal" pain. I felt like I'd been beat with a board. I took an epson soak and did a little laundry. Other than that I stayed on the heating pad and in bed most of the day. Thank goodness I felt a little better on Sunday because I really needed to go grocery shopping and finish up around here. Of course there is the huge stack of mail when you return to go through. Blah...
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| open and sorted |
I was determined to cook Sunday. Maybe even two things. I just love having supper already done for a couple of nights during the week. By the time I went to Sam's and Wal Mart I was hungry and tired. I had lunch, a rest on the heating pad then back at it. I started a pot of red beans and decided I really wanted some chili. I like for it to get cold but I'd been craving some for a couple of weeks.
I've always cooked my chili from scratch the same way. Being on Weight Watchers I knew I'd have to do some work to figure out the points or I could use a recipe already calculated, tried and rated. It was different than my chili but I absolutely loved it. 5 points for a cup. Some 2 point Mexican WW's cheese, and 1 pt worth of light sour cream on top and it was off the hook!!
My son stopped by on his way home from work to get a bite to eat and gave it a star rating also. I liked it enough I'd cook it that way again WW's or not. Matter of fact, I usually like to skip a night between left overs. I didn't mind at all having again tonight. It's red beans tomorrow night!
I bought a huge pack of chicken Sunday to make Chicken tortilla soup. Another favorite when fall sets in. It freezes so well and so easy to make. Those are two big factors for me if I'm going to cook a "big" batch. I have an appointment with my psychologist and the OT tomorrow. After I get home I'll get that soup going. I love this season, but not the switch of warm to cold then back and forth. It's really hard on the joints.
On Wednesday evening I'm having dinner with my group of friends that meet regularly. I'm glad we're getting it in before the holidays. I'm pretty sure the last time we got together was in May. It's amazing it such a short period of time so much there is to talk about. I'll have to talk fast. It's the first night of the world series. #redsox #bostonstrong
I'm not sure If I mentioned or not I bought some Coconut Oil a few months ago. I'd seen on Dr. Oz that it was good for many uses and I wanted to try for a particular use. I had to research to find a good brand now I'm seeing it every where. Even Sam's has a huge container of it. Like the size you would get powder detergent in. I don't need that much Coconut oil. LOL. Here are some uses.
- It's great for your skin so slather it on. I've been putting it around my heels at night before going to bed but any where is great. Also great for your cuticles, dry knees or elbows.
- Massage oil. Why not? You need the oil anyway so why not use something that smells great and is good for your skin if your giving your partner a massage.
- Removes even the hardest mascara to take off. Much better than using something with a lot of chemicals.
- Lip balm
- Frizz Fighter for your hair.
- In the kitchen same as you would use EVVO. It adds flavor to your recipe. Yes, I've tried it.
- Popping pop corn
- Making your own granola or nut butter.
- Roasting vegetables
- Replace vegetable oil for baking. Everyone will want your recipe.
- Nipple cream for breast feeding moms. It's all natural so it's safe for nursing mothers to use.
- As a sexual lubricant or vaginal dryness.
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| The brand I bought |
Theresa
Faith
I believe in the sun, even though it doesn't shine.
I believe in love, even when it isn't shown.
I believe in God, even when he doesn't speak.
Found on the wall of a concentration camp
Found on the wall of a concentration camp
Sunday, September 29, 2013
It's a long one!
On Friday I went for my first appointment with the Occupational Therapist. You know how it is on the first visit. Just like PT, completing forms and a lot of history taking. She measured everything from my elbow down all the way to my fingertips. It was amazing the things she pointed out to me. A few minutes into her exam she said to me, "your hurting aren't you?" Yes, I answered, but it's my back. I had sat in waiting area for 15 minutes and been in her chair for 15 minutes. I asked her how long did she think we'd be today. About another hour she told me.
She offered me heat and I declined. The therapist next to her told her she should sign me up for PT on my back also while I'm there. I told her I'd already been through that numerous times and continued at home to this day. She asked me who I saw and was surprised I remembered her name. As we proceeded she pointed out to me that my left elbow was swollen and fingers on left hand swollen. I mentioned I had told my rheumatologist that it was obvious the left side was worse. She put me in a BANDIT. A brace worn on the forearm commonly used for lateral epicondylitis, carpal tunnel and other types of forearm and wrist pain. She also recommended and gave me some gloves for when I'm sleeping to help with the swelling. She had me put one on to try for size and it was insane how it felt so soothing just to have a "glove" on my hand.
Whats weird is I'd been complaining to my husband that I couldn't wear my wedding ring for some time now. This is something he definitely notices. After I'd been dieting these past weeks and dropped some pounds I still couldn't put it on. If I did get it on I couldn't get it off without soap. Now I know why.
During this exam they have you make various hand gestures and movements with your fingers. You also have to squeeze and press on different instruments with your fingers/hands. As we moved to the right arm she noticed that a certain placement with my thumb caused pain shooting from wrist to thumb area. It's crazy the things they look at. After this discovery she had me flip my palms over and flatten my hand. The left side was flat across the thumb to other side of hand. The right side was strangely uneven. It was like an incline, not flat like the other side. I'm assuming this had something to do with why the pain was created with the movement she had me make?
When we're done I think I'm getting out of there and she tells me she is next going to make me a splint for my right hand. It will prevent my thumb and wrist from moving so that over time....a short time I hope, it will get better with rest. I was cool with that. I'm a compliant patient. It took about 20 minutes for her to cut out this form, heat it and mold it around my wrist. We get it on for good after trimming and smoothing ruff edges and I immediately begin to think this might be difficult being it's my right hand. Then she drops the bombshell that I should refrain from texting. If you use your thumb you won't be able to anyhow.
Ha, Ha, I told her. Most of the people I commonly text with on daily basis do not want to be on the phone. Guess I'll be leaving some voice mails.
Exactly at hour and a half mark we were done. I walked out with apparatus on each side. I asked how long I could expect my two visits next week to last and she told me an hour now that all the other stuff was out of the way. We'll be starting the therapy next visit.
My husband and I had plans to take my grandson to members night at the zoo. I thought to myself as the day progressed, and I saw how challenging it was really going to have this brace on my hand, was I sure we could still go? I just felt so dysfunctional. I knew D would be able to do anything I couldn't and I was really looking forward to taking P to this event.
We headed out at 4:15 to make our way to the zoo and instantly was shut down with a back up on the interstate. An update from D's app told us there was a lane closure ahead and an accident on the Mississippi river bridge. Holy cow, what luck. We crawled for 30 minutes to get to a loup that puts you on another interstate and then we took Airline Hwy to I-110. It was 6pm when we made it there. An hour and a half. It's typically a 40 minute drive from my house.
All was well though. We made it. P had a great time. He wanted to get his face painted and was willing to wait in a seriously long line. Never complained once. I guess he really wanted this. His mom told me via text that he'd never had this done and we may be waiting for nothing. Oh well, it's what he wants to do and thats what this trip was all about. How are you texting she wanted to know? With my left thumb...slowly.
After that we went to see some other activities they were having and then we came across the bubble activity. It was a huge circle around you attached to a rope. As you pulled the rope the circle came up and made a bubble ring around you. It was pretty cool and P definitely wanted to try. So, we get in another long line that he had no problem with. It was around 7:15 and the sun was just starting to go down. I took a picture of a young girl doing it so I could show mom what we were waiting for. I was confidant that by the time we made it up there it would be dark. It was as you could see by the difference in the pictures. The mosquitos ate up my ankles and neck. Even D was bothered with them. He rarely gets bitten even when I end up covered with bites. I definitely wore the wrong shoes to walk around in especially when getting warm and sweating. Just because some shoes are comfortable for some things, they are not for others. I ended up with huge blisters on both pinky toes. We stopped to eat on the way home then met my daughter to return P.
I think it was around 9:30 when we made it home and I couldn't wait to take the brace off of my hand. First I took off the BANTIT. Other than leaving an imprint, it was fine. I realized that it definitely was working. There were things I did that normally cause it to really hurt and it was so mild vs moderately painful. The brace was another story. As I removed it I had deep imprints on the top of my hand near my knuckles. I knew something wasn't right earlier and I should have taken it off then. The OT said if it bothers you somewhere, take it off and we'll adjust it Tuesday. With us being busy and I kind of brushed it off thinking it was hurting because of the correction. I can tell you I had no pain in that area AT ALL before she put that brace on me and at that moment when I took it off and stopped to rest my hand/wrist was throbbing! Almost to the point of tears a few minutes later.
I took some advil and propped it up on a pillow with ice. I took pictures to show her on Tuesday and decided at that moment that I was not putting that contraption on again until I saw her on Tuesday. I'm sure it just needs to be trimmed but I can tell you I have a bad taste in my mouth for it now!
Saturday I woke up with no pain at all in that hand/wrist. The brace today is right where I left it Friday night. It was cutting me in between my thumb and pointer, the top of palm and on my wrist on bottom side. My husband and I both said, "we're not doing anything today...let's take it easy." Let's face it, that never really happens. The morning I just did laundry but later I got into the pool and swam laps. It had been two days off from exercise and I just had to do it. Before that swim only my back was bothering me. My hand had felt better when I woke up and I wore the BANDIT at all possible times.
After swimming I decided to set up the vacuum to clean the pool. It had been awhile. It really wasn't too dirty but it seemed like a good time to do it. There is a lot of hoses to be joined together involved in set up. A twisting motion. I told my husband after that it's crazy how you don't realize the muscles you use until they are painful to use. Every hose I attached I cringed as I twisted it on. As soon as I was done I put the BANDIT back on. The plants still had to be watered.
This is a 30 minute project front and back. By the time I unwound and put back the hose front and back I was in tears. When I came inside I told my husband I was going to lay down. I literally cried my elbow hurt so bad. What was it? The lap swimming? The twisting motion with the vacuum hoses. Watering the plants. Heck, I guess maybe a combination off all things. I don't know, but I went into depressed mode and shut down. I put an ice pack on my elbow and alternated with heat ice heat ice for about two hours until I could stand the pain without it. I had a HUGE pity party. Why me? Isn't my back enough. Why? Why? Why?
Unfortunately we don't get these answers when we want them. I tried to think of thing of things that could be worse and I came up with a lot. When you deal with chronic pain everyday it becomes really easy to slip into depression and feeling like it's only you and why you?
The last two nights have been worst since revision surgery in May. Friday night my hand and wrist throbbing and last night the elbow pain was unbearable. I never left the bed after I came in from watering at 6:30. Today has been better. My hand has some relief but I'm dreading Tuesday to be put back into the brace after an adjustment. It really brings some limitations. I question only because I didn't go there with pain in that area.
I've had my BANDIT on the left side all day. It's tender and sore but I've also REALLY taken it easy today. Hint hint this long post. Typing is something you do that causes irritation to both problems so you'd think I'd keep it short. I didn't type this all at one sitting. It's been through out the day.
My husband deals with shoulder pain on and off year after year. He goes to PT it gets better then it comes back. He's been swimming a good bit following seeing me swim laps. Yesterday and this morning he volunteered at church helping prepare for a fundraiser at all masses today. Yesterday was a lot of prep work and today he said he did a repetitive motion a lot. I arrived home from Sam's to see him holding his shoulder (as near tears as a man can get) complaining about how bad he was hurting. My husband rarely complains. How can he? I don't give him a chance. Multiple times today I've heard some moaning and groaning while holding his shoulder. I told him that people say they know how you feel but really they don't. I really know how you feel babe. Can you imagine at this moment if that pain doesn't go away with rest? That's my life EVERYDAY! I made sure he didn't think I did't have any sympathy for him. It was just pointing out that I DO understand how you feel because I know, I feel it everyday. Be grateful you always end up with relief at some point. Something I'd give anything for. I'm sure he'd give anything for me to have also. Then I'd be like the person he married 9 years ago.
The good news is two weeks from yesterday we're heading to the beach. Surely when I leave my home I will take it easy and relax. I can't believe September has just flown by us. Tomorrow, Monday the beginning of a new week. Let's just be joyful we're here and see what it brings us. I know it's hard to believe here from what I write but there are many things I am thankful for.
Have a blessed week. Never giving up H.O.P.E. (hold on pain ends) Theresa
She offered me heat and I declined. The therapist next to her told her she should sign me up for PT on my back also while I'm there. I told her I'd already been through that numerous times and continued at home to this day. She asked me who I saw and was surprised I remembered her name. As we proceeded she pointed out to me that my left elbow was swollen and fingers on left hand swollen. I mentioned I had told my rheumatologist that it was obvious the left side was worse. She put me in a BANDIT. A brace worn on the forearm commonly used for lateral epicondylitis, carpal tunnel and other types of forearm and wrist pain. She also recommended and gave me some gloves for when I'm sleeping to help with the swelling. She had me put one on to try for size and it was insane how it felt so soothing just to have a "glove" on my hand.
Whats weird is I'd been complaining to my husband that I couldn't wear my wedding ring for some time now. This is something he definitely notices. After I'd been dieting these past weeks and dropped some pounds I still couldn't put it on. If I did get it on I couldn't get it off without soap. Now I know why.
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| The BANDIT |
During this exam they have you make various hand gestures and movements with your fingers. You also have to squeeze and press on different instruments with your fingers/hands. As we moved to the right arm she noticed that a certain placement with my thumb caused pain shooting from wrist to thumb area. It's crazy the things they look at. After this discovery she had me flip my palms over and flatten my hand. The left side was flat across the thumb to other side of hand. The right side was strangely uneven. It was like an incline, not flat like the other side. I'm assuming this had something to do with why the pain was created with the movement she had me make?
When we're done I think I'm getting out of there and she tells me she is next going to make me a splint for my right hand. It will prevent my thumb and wrist from moving so that over time....a short time I hope, it will get better with rest. I was cool with that. I'm a compliant patient. It took about 20 minutes for her to cut out this form, heat it and mold it around my wrist. We get it on for good after trimming and smoothing ruff edges and I immediately begin to think this might be difficult being it's my right hand. Then she drops the bombshell that I should refrain from texting. If you use your thumb you won't be able to anyhow.
Ha, Ha, I told her. Most of the people I commonly text with on daily basis do not want to be on the phone. Guess I'll be leaving some voice mails.
Exactly at hour and a half mark we were done. I walked out with apparatus on each side. I asked how long I could expect my two visits next week to last and she told me an hour now that all the other stuff was out of the way. We'll be starting the therapy next visit.
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| Right arm |
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| Left arm |
My husband and I had plans to take my grandson to members night at the zoo. I thought to myself as the day progressed, and I saw how challenging it was really going to have this brace on my hand, was I sure we could still go? I just felt so dysfunctional. I knew D would be able to do anything I couldn't and I was really looking forward to taking P to this event.
We headed out at 4:15 to make our way to the zoo and instantly was shut down with a back up on the interstate. An update from D's app told us there was a lane closure ahead and an accident on the Mississippi river bridge. Holy cow, what luck. We crawled for 30 minutes to get to a loup that puts you on another interstate and then we took Airline Hwy to I-110. It was 6pm when we made it there. An hour and a half. It's typically a 40 minute drive from my house.
All was well though. We made it. P had a great time. He wanted to get his face painted and was willing to wait in a seriously long line. Never complained once. I guess he really wanted this. His mom told me via text that he'd never had this done and we may be waiting for nothing. Oh well, it's what he wants to do and thats what this trip was all about. How are you texting she wanted to know? With my left thumb...slowly.
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| His first face paint |
After that we went to see some other activities they were having and then we came across the bubble activity. It was a huge circle around you attached to a rope. As you pulled the rope the circle came up and made a bubble ring around you. It was pretty cool and P definitely wanted to try. So, we get in another long line that he had no problem with. It was around 7:15 and the sun was just starting to go down. I took a picture of a young girl doing it so I could show mom what we were waiting for. I was confidant that by the time we made it up there it would be dark. It was as you could see by the difference in the pictures. The mosquitos ate up my ankles and neck. Even D was bothered with them. He rarely gets bitten even when I end up covered with bites. I definitely wore the wrong shoes to walk around in especially when getting warm and sweating. Just because some shoes are comfortable for some things, they are not for others. I ended up with huge blisters on both pinky toes. We stopped to eat on the way home then met my daughter to return P.
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| Too proud! |
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| Go Go Go everyone cheered! |
I think it was around 9:30 when we made it home and I couldn't wait to take the brace off of my hand. First I took off the BANTIT. Other than leaving an imprint, it was fine. I realized that it definitely was working. There were things I did that normally cause it to really hurt and it was so mild vs moderately painful. The brace was another story. As I removed it I had deep imprints on the top of my hand near my knuckles. I knew something wasn't right earlier and I should have taken it off then. The OT said if it bothers you somewhere, take it off and we'll adjust it Tuesday. With us being busy and I kind of brushed it off thinking it was hurting because of the correction. I can tell you I had no pain in that area AT ALL before she put that brace on me and at that moment when I took it off and stopped to rest my hand/wrist was throbbing! Almost to the point of tears a few minutes later.
I took some advil and propped it up on a pillow with ice. I took pictures to show her on Tuesday and decided at that moment that I was not putting that contraption on again until I saw her on Tuesday. I'm sure it just needs to be trimmed but I can tell you I have a bad taste in my mouth for it now!
Saturday I woke up with no pain at all in that hand/wrist. The brace today is right where I left it Friday night. It was cutting me in between my thumb and pointer, the top of palm and on my wrist on bottom side. My husband and I both said, "we're not doing anything today...let's take it easy." Let's face it, that never really happens. The morning I just did laundry but later I got into the pool and swam laps. It had been two days off from exercise and I just had to do it. Before that swim only my back was bothering me. My hand had felt better when I woke up and I wore the BANDIT at all possible times.
After swimming I decided to set up the vacuum to clean the pool. It had been awhile. It really wasn't too dirty but it seemed like a good time to do it. There is a lot of hoses to be joined together involved in set up. A twisting motion. I told my husband after that it's crazy how you don't realize the muscles you use until they are painful to use. Every hose I attached I cringed as I twisted it on. As soon as I was done I put the BANDIT back on. The plants still had to be watered.
This is a 30 minute project front and back. By the time I unwound and put back the hose front and back I was in tears. When I came inside I told my husband I was going to lay down. I literally cried my elbow hurt so bad. What was it? The lap swimming? The twisting motion with the vacuum hoses. Watering the plants. Heck, I guess maybe a combination off all things. I don't know, but I went into depressed mode and shut down. I put an ice pack on my elbow and alternated with heat ice heat ice for about two hours until I could stand the pain without it. I had a HUGE pity party. Why me? Isn't my back enough. Why? Why? Why?
Unfortunately we don't get these answers when we want them. I tried to think of thing of things that could be worse and I came up with a lot. When you deal with chronic pain everyday it becomes really easy to slip into depression and feeling like it's only you and why you?
The last two nights have been worst since revision surgery in May. Friday night my hand and wrist throbbing and last night the elbow pain was unbearable. I never left the bed after I came in from watering at 6:30. Today has been better. My hand has some relief but I'm dreading Tuesday to be put back into the brace after an adjustment. It really brings some limitations. I question only because I didn't go there with pain in that area.
I've had my BANDIT on the left side all day. It's tender and sore but I've also REALLY taken it easy today. Hint hint this long post. Typing is something you do that causes irritation to both problems so you'd think I'd keep it short. I didn't type this all at one sitting. It's been through out the day.
My husband deals with shoulder pain on and off year after year. He goes to PT it gets better then it comes back. He's been swimming a good bit following seeing me swim laps. Yesterday and this morning he volunteered at church helping prepare for a fundraiser at all masses today. Yesterday was a lot of prep work and today he said he did a repetitive motion a lot. I arrived home from Sam's to see him holding his shoulder (as near tears as a man can get) complaining about how bad he was hurting. My husband rarely complains. How can he? I don't give him a chance. Multiple times today I've heard some moaning and groaning while holding his shoulder. I told him that people say they know how you feel but really they don't. I really know how you feel babe. Can you imagine at this moment if that pain doesn't go away with rest? That's my life EVERYDAY! I made sure he didn't think I did't have any sympathy for him. It was just pointing out that I DO understand how you feel because I know, I feel it everyday. Be grateful you always end up with relief at some point. Something I'd give anything for. I'm sure he'd give anything for me to have also. Then I'd be like the person he married 9 years ago.
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| Maybe this caused it? He says "No" |
The good news is two weeks from yesterday we're heading to the beach. Surely when I leave my home I will take it easy and relax. I can't believe September has just flown by us. Tomorrow, Monday the beginning of a new week. Let's just be joyful we're here and see what it brings us. I know it's hard to believe here from what I write but there are many things I am thankful for.
Have a blessed week. Never giving up H.O.P.E. (hold on pain ends) Theresa
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| how the bubble ring looked with daylight |
DESTINY
Watch your thoughts; they become words
Watch your words; they become actions
Watch your actions; they become habits
Watch your habits; they become character
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
I won't quit
I won't quit exercising even though it is pure torture for me most times.
I won't quit believing I'm going to feel better someday.
I won't quit trying to get rid of these last few pounds that just won't go away.
I won't ignore what my doctors ask me to do even thought I don't want to do it.
My day started feeling pain in every area of my body when I got out of bed this morning. It was raining and the humidity was high. I try to make any appointments I have later morning because until my pain medicine kicks in you just don't want to be around me. I was awake much earlier than I needed to be. Darn, why can't I sleep until the alarm goes off? I stopped fighting it and slowly moved into the kitchen for that first cup of water and went to draw my deep hot bath that helps me get moving. I was dressed and ready at 8 am and my appointment wasn't until 11. I have this dilemma often that i try and hold out on taking my pain medicine so it will last until I can do what I need to do. Especially when I will be out and it will be a long day with multiple stops.
I watched some of the news and checked email. Paid a couple of bills, had breakfast followed by all medications. By the time I made it to see my rheumatologist I was feeling comfortable. I have a favorite stimulator program right now. I also delay turning that on sometime too because at some point durning the late evening I just have to shut if off. I want it to help when I need it most. The wait was short. After check in and after I saw the medical assistant he was right in to see me. He is however, hard to get an appointment with. I always schedule on the way out.
I love this man. I've been seeing him since 2006. He is such a good listener and is very patient with you. He wanted to know everything thats been going on since he last saw me.
(Nov '12) I missed an appointment at the end of March. We talked about the revision surgery and the new battery. Of course his main concern was how my wrist, elbows and knees are doing. While we are talking he is rubbing/pinching in certain areas. Ouch..Ouch. Ouch. it hurts everywhere. When I asked why it hurts like that in those areas, not the ones I mentioned, he said it was most likely my fibromyalgia. Wait a minute, when did we decide I had fibromyalgia? I know we'd discussed the possibility on many occasions. As far back as my first visit. I didn't have all the check points to diagnose it then. He explained to me that it can take years to diagnose fibromyalgia because so many of the symptoms are also symptoms of other things too. I remember all that, but I've always had myself convinced that is not what was causing all my "aches and pains" elsewhere. I believed they all stemmed from the nerve damage in my back. I was kind of in a daze while thinking when did say for sure you think I have this?
Today all the areas he checked hurt. We talked about how the stretches helped my wrists. I wanted to know why he thought my elbows were still giving me so much trouble? It's the outside edge. When he put pressure the right way and I almost elbowed him. The muscle leading to that tendon is very sore too. The left side hurts worse I told him. He said there wasn't as much inflammation on the right. He really thought the best option was to try some physical therapy first. If that doesn't help he wants to a MRI on both. I knew sooner or later have to go back to PT again but never thought it would be for my elbows. Seriously? Something as simple as holding Dallas' pooper scooper can bring me to tears. He asked me to make sure any time I hold something to hold it with my palm up. The pain comes from the inflammation and degeneration of the common extensor tendon, one of the tendons of the elbow. Tendon tears can be the cause of chronic forms of Tennis elbow. The fancy name Lateral epicondylitis. From what I read rest should have it better in a couple of weeks so it has definitely become chronic.
This physical therapy session will be at the previous establishment I was going to so I am pleased about that. It was just around the corner from where we used to live but now it will be a trip across town. He mentioned something about rubbing and needles? That sounds painful. He said he wouldn't sugar coat it. It will be. Hopefully it will be worth it in the end. I know plenty of people have dealt with it. I'm just on a pity party right now with adding another issue. As my friend says, "Girl, you need a tissue for your issues?" Yes I do, thank you!
After he gave me all my marching papers I went down a floor to get my flu shot. First I had to stop off to check out and schedule an appointment for 6 months. As I waited I looked at the papers in my hand. Diagnoses this visit....first on the list FIBROMYALGIA ugh I hate that word. It's almost like I had to see him put that down to believe he really said it. I notice farther down listed as previous diagnoses....that same ugly word. I guess he had been trying to tell me. I just wasn't hearing him.
I waited longer to get my flu shot than I did to see the doctor. I believe everyone there with a doctor appointment was getting their flu shot too. I'm glad its done, but this time went a little different than usual. Within a short time I started itching at the injection area. It continued to get worse and soon I felt a bump coming up. I really wasn't able to look at it until several hours later.
From there I went to meet my daughter, son in law, P and his maw maw for the new babies ultra sound. It went well. It took awhile because at this particular ultra sound they take a lot of measurements and look at a lot of things. P was enthusiastic at first. Full of questions. Smart questions. I can't remembered quite how he asked but it got his big brain to thinking and he wanted to know if his mommy was in a tummy one time? It was so cute how he asked. His daddy explained to him mommy was in Nonna's tummy when she was a baby. I told him I could tell him all about it and show him pictures. I started thinking and I can remember it all so clearly. Somethings just don't erase from your mind.
After the ultra sound was over I hung around with B to see her doctor. My son in law, P and maw maw went ahead and left instead of waiting around longer. It had been a long time for P. He was so good and patient. We had a bit of a wait to see her doctor. When she was done there she wanted FOOD. Poor girl was hungry. She didn't want to put a lot of food in her stomach so she'd only had yogurt. It was 3pm by this time. She had a subway sandwich and we left.
I was pretty tired myself when I made it in and my arm was driving me nuts. In the past I've only had soreness never itching or swelling. If I hadn't had the shot in that exact spot I'd have sworn it was a hive breaking out. I changed into something comfortable and saw what I was feeling. A big knot. Of course you know I have a picture to show you! I'm still glad I had one. I haven't missed since 2000. In 1999 I had a terrible case of the flu that kept me down for two weeks. I swore I would get one every year after that. I have and I've never had the flu again. Knock Knock.
Last but not least. It's Tuesday. Weigh in day. I'll start with my measurements being exactly the same. Weight- half a pound down. I'm not thrilled about it because during several weeks I've hit this weight only to have it be up on weigh in day. I believe it is just a fluke it happened on the right day today.
Well that's enough for tonight. You got an earful yesterday. Enough is enough. Tomorrow is a new day. Everyone has something to face as they wake and face the day. We're never alone.
Living with H.O.P.E.
Theresa
I won't quit believing I'm going to feel better someday.
I won't quit trying to get rid of these last few pounds that just won't go away.
I won't ignore what my doctors ask me to do even thought I don't want to do it.
My day started feeling pain in every area of my body when I got out of bed this morning. It was raining and the humidity was high. I try to make any appointments I have later morning because until my pain medicine kicks in you just don't want to be around me. I was awake much earlier than I needed to be. Darn, why can't I sleep until the alarm goes off? I stopped fighting it and slowly moved into the kitchen for that first cup of water and went to draw my deep hot bath that helps me get moving. I was dressed and ready at 8 am and my appointment wasn't until 11. I have this dilemma often that i try and hold out on taking my pain medicine so it will last until I can do what I need to do. Especially when I will be out and it will be a long day with multiple stops.
I watched some of the news and checked email. Paid a couple of bills, had breakfast followed by all medications. By the time I made it to see my rheumatologist I was feeling comfortable. I have a favorite stimulator program right now. I also delay turning that on sometime too because at some point durning the late evening I just have to shut if off. I want it to help when I need it most. The wait was short. After check in and after I saw the medical assistant he was right in to see me. He is however, hard to get an appointment with. I always schedule on the way out.
I love this man. I've been seeing him since 2006. He is such a good listener and is very patient with you. He wanted to know everything thats been going on since he last saw me.
(Nov '12) I missed an appointment at the end of March. We talked about the revision surgery and the new battery. Of course his main concern was how my wrist, elbows and knees are doing. While we are talking he is rubbing/pinching in certain areas. Ouch..Ouch. Ouch. it hurts everywhere. When I asked why it hurts like that in those areas, not the ones I mentioned, he said it was most likely my fibromyalgia. Wait a minute, when did we decide I had fibromyalgia? I know we'd discussed the possibility on many occasions. As far back as my first visit. I didn't have all the check points to diagnose it then. He explained to me that it can take years to diagnose fibromyalgia because so many of the symptoms are also symptoms of other things too. I remember all that, but I've always had myself convinced that is not what was causing all my "aches and pains" elsewhere. I believed they all stemmed from the nerve damage in my back. I was kind of in a daze while thinking when did say for sure you think I have this?
Today all the areas he checked hurt. We talked about how the stretches helped my wrists. I wanted to know why he thought my elbows were still giving me so much trouble? It's the outside edge. When he put pressure the right way and I almost elbowed him. The muscle leading to that tendon is very sore too. The left side hurts worse I told him. He said there wasn't as much inflammation on the right. He really thought the best option was to try some physical therapy first. If that doesn't help he wants to a MRI on both. I knew sooner or later have to go back to PT again but never thought it would be for my elbows. Seriously? Something as simple as holding Dallas' pooper scooper can bring me to tears. He asked me to make sure any time I hold something to hold it with my palm up. The pain comes from the inflammation and degeneration of the common extensor tendon, one of the tendons of the elbow. Tendon tears can be the cause of chronic forms of Tennis elbow. The fancy name Lateral epicondylitis. From what I read rest should have it better in a couple of weeks so it has definitely become chronic.
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| Shows the muscle and tendon and where it hurts! |
This physical therapy session will be at the previous establishment I was going to so I am pleased about that. It was just around the corner from where we used to live but now it will be a trip across town. He mentioned something about rubbing and needles? That sounds painful. He said he wouldn't sugar coat it. It will be. Hopefully it will be worth it in the end. I know plenty of people have dealt with it. I'm just on a pity party right now with adding another issue. As my friend says, "Girl, you need a tissue for your issues?" Yes I do, thank you!
After he gave me all my marching papers I went down a floor to get my flu shot. First I had to stop off to check out and schedule an appointment for 6 months. As I waited I looked at the papers in my hand. Diagnoses this visit....first on the list FIBROMYALGIA ugh I hate that word. It's almost like I had to see him put that down to believe he really said it. I notice farther down listed as previous diagnoses....that same ugly word. I guess he had been trying to tell me. I just wasn't hearing him.
I waited longer to get my flu shot than I did to see the doctor. I believe everyone there with a doctor appointment was getting their flu shot too. I'm glad its done, but this time went a little different than usual. Within a short time I started itching at the injection area. It continued to get worse and soon I felt a bump coming up. I really wasn't able to look at it until several hours later.
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| right after I got home around 3:15 |
From there I went to meet my daughter, son in law, P and his maw maw for the new babies ultra sound. It went well. It took awhile because at this particular ultra sound they take a lot of measurements and look at a lot of things. P was enthusiastic at first. Full of questions. Smart questions. I can't remembered quite how he asked but it got his big brain to thinking and he wanted to know if his mommy was in a tummy one time? It was so cute how he asked. His daddy explained to him mommy was in Nonna's tummy when she was a baby. I told him I could tell him all about it and show him pictures. I started thinking and I can remember it all so clearly. Somethings just don't erase from your mind.
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| P watching closely while sitting with Maw Maw |
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| My son in law hoping to catch a glimpse of the sex |
After the ultra sound was over I hung around with B to see her doctor. My son in law, P and maw maw went ahead and left instead of waiting around longer. It had been a long time for P. He was so good and patient. We had a bit of a wait to see her doctor. When she was done there she wanted FOOD. Poor girl was hungry. She didn't want to put a lot of food in her stomach so she'd only had yogurt. It was 3pm by this time. She had a subway sandwich and we left.
I was pretty tired myself when I made it in and my arm was driving me nuts. In the past I've only had soreness never itching or swelling. If I hadn't had the shot in that exact spot I'd have sworn it was a hive breaking out. I changed into something comfortable and saw what I was feeling. A big knot. Of course you know I have a picture to show you! I'm still glad I had one. I haven't missed since 2000. In 1999 I had a terrible case of the flu that kept me down for two weeks. I swore I would get one every year after that. I have and I've never had the flu again. Knock Knock.
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| Around 5 and yes it's bigger! |
Well that's enough for tonight. You got an earful yesterday. Enough is enough. Tomorrow is a new day. Everyone has something to face as they wake and face the day. We're never alone.
Living with H.O.P.E.
Theresa
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Tuesday blues day
Why do we wake up with these days? I can't put an answer to why I just woke up with the blues. Maybe it had something to do with getting on the scale and I'm up half a pound. No bother with a picture. I know you believe me about gaining. 137.5. Measurements the same. Or maybe it was the idea of getting out of bed when I really didn't want to. Hurting everywhere for no explainable reason. I shouldn't question this any more, but I continue to do so.
Could it be the stress of trying to track down a package thats been lost with the United States Postal system for over a week? It's been to 3 different postal hubs since it arrived in BR. Never mind that there is a link to track it. It says it's being delivered that day and it doesn't come. You check it the next day to see it's somewhere else and the dates been pushed two days later. That day comes....no package. Maybe it is the fact that yesterday afternoon I spent 30 minutes on the phone with them and got no where. My package was at a zip code long from here. Or just maybe its the fact that I FINALLY got it today, a watch I was very excited about getting, and the crystal was cracked all the way down the middle. I wonder why? Could it be that it is because it traveled to multiple places before arriving here? So the wait begins again. I emailed the company to see what they will do for me. What ever the reason today has not been a good day emotionally or physically.
I mentioned pushing myself in the pool to do more than physical therapy exercises in the pool. When I changed to this app I'm using it has swimming as cardiovascular unlike Run Keeper that I use for walking and riding my bike. I started bringing the clock out with me and timing my laps and jogging. I was just casually swimming after PT and as soon as I felt a little tired stopping. My PM doctor has assured me that I cannot hurt my stimulator or the appliance I have at L4/L5 fusion site. I can bring on pain but will not do any damage to my back. At lease not any that is already there and continues to get worse. There is no stopping it. I can make it worse by stop moving and I'd be bed ridden in a short amount of time. I refuse to let that happen.
I started out 8-10 minutes of continuous swimming and now up to 15 minutes. I did 20 once! So I won't say I can't do that yet because it was very difficult. I started with 10 minutes of jogging and slowly each week adding minutes. I can now do 30 if I am not going to swim. My usual routine is to do 15 of each. I do change it up some time though. If my back is hurting too bad I may only swim laps and no jogging.
Between my update with Mr. R and increasing my swim time I'm now down from 3 pain pills a day to 2. In between each of those doses I needed 4 liquid jell Advil. I've cut back to 3 twice a day. I think some of my blues today came from being in the water this morning thinking about the short time I have left to be in the pool. I rarely swim in the am during the week. I like for D to be home when I am lap swimming since I'm clueless to anything going on around me for a period of time. I use a plug in one ear that gives me trouble and with the swim cap I don't hear much unless it's pretty loud. D has startled me on occasion trying to get my attention while swimming. My appointment with my therapist wasn't until 11 and I was up at 7 so I decided to give it a try. I'm really thrilled about it this evening that I'm done with that part of my day already.
Sunday my time with this Samsung Galaxy S4 phone is done. It really is an amazing phone. If I didn't have a mac book I'd keep it. The huge screen is great. You can work with multiple windows open, the camera is awesome and many other things. I've come to agree there are more things I like than don't. When it comes to getting pictures and other data onto my computer that is a BIG part I don't like.
Good news about the other survey I told you about. They picked me!! I'm so excited about it. Just in time, it starts on Monday and I have to download an application for my phone by Sunday. I will be doing a study about television programs. I'm not allowed to give to many details until it is over. It lasts for 21 days and I receive $100 reward. Just in time for the "new Iphone", Christmas, P's birthday. Oh my, what will I do with it?
I was blessed to spend time with my grandson on Friday and granddaughter on Saturday. Sharing a couple of my favorite pictures I took. I know most of my friends have seen on Instagram but I have several friends who are not on Instagram and a lot of readers who do not see them there. Besides, who could ever get tired of seeing these cute faces a second time. Even if it is the same picture. I know, I'm prejudice. Soon enough I'll have a new grand baby to show off too :-)
Could it be the stress of trying to track down a package thats been lost with the United States Postal system for over a week? It's been to 3 different postal hubs since it arrived in BR. Never mind that there is a link to track it. It says it's being delivered that day and it doesn't come. You check it the next day to see it's somewhere else and the dates been pushed two days later. That day comes....no package. Maybe it is the fact that yesterday afternoon I spent 30 minutes on the phone with them and got no where. My package was at a zip code long from here. Or just maybe its the fact that I FINALLY got it today, a watch I was very excited about getting, and the crystal was cracked all the way down the middle. I wonder why? Could it be that it is because it traveled to multiple places before arriving here? So the wait begins again. I emailed the company to see what they will do for me. What ever the reason today has not been a good day emotionally or physically.
I mentioned pushing myself in the pool to do more than physical therapy exercises in the pool. When I changed to this app I'm using it has swimming as cardiovascular unlike Run Keeper that I use for walking and riding my bike. I started bringing the clock out with me and timing my laps and jogging. I was just casually swimming after PT and as soon as I felt a little tired stopping. My PM doctor has assured me that I cannot hurt my stimulator or the appliance I have at L4/L5 fusion site. I can bring on pain but will not do any damage to my back. At lease not any that is already there and continues to get worse. There is no stopping it. I can make it worse by stop moving and I'd be bed ridden in a short amount of time. I refuse to let that happen.
I started out 8-10 minutes of continuous swimming and now up to 15 minutes. I did 20 once! So I won't say I can't do that yet because it was very difficult. I started with 10 minutes of jogging and slowly each week adding minutes. I can now do 30 if I am not going to swim. My usual routine is to do 15 of each. I do change it up some time though. If my back is hurting too bad I may only swim laps and no jogging.
Between my update with Mr. R and increasing my swim time I'm now down from 3 pain pills a day to 2. In between each of those doses I needed 4 liquid jell Advil. I've cut back to 3 twice a day. I think some of my blues today came from being in the water this morning thinking about the short time I have left to be in the pool. I rarely swim in the am during the week. I like for D to be home when I am lap swimming since I'm clueless to anything going on around me for a period of time. I use a plug in one ear that gives me trouble and with the swim cap I don't hear much unless it's pretty loud. D has startled me on occasion trying to get my attention while swimming. My appointment with my therapist wasn't until 11 and I was up at 7 so I decided to give it a try. I'm really thrilled about it this evening that I'm done with that part of my day already.
Sunday my time with this Samsung Galaxy S4 phone is done. It really is an amazing phone. If I didn't have a mac book I'd keep it. The huge screen is great. You can work with multiple windows open, the camera is awesome and many other things. I've come to agree there are more things I like than don't. When it comes to getting pictures and other data onto my computer that is a BIG part I don't like.
Good news about the other survey I told you about. They picked me!! I'm so excited about it. Just in time, it starts on Monday and I have to download an application for my phone by Sunday. I will be doing a study about television programs. I'm not allowed to give to many details until it is over. It lasts for 21 days and I receive $100 reward. Just in time for the "new Iphone", Christmas, P's birthday. Oh my, what will I do with it?
I was blessed to spend time with my grandson on Friday and granddaughter on Saturday. Sharing a couple of my favorite pictures I took. I know most of my friends have seen on Instagram but I have several friends who are not on Instagram and a lot of readers who do not see them there. Besides, who could ever get tired of seeing these cute faces a second time. Even if it is the same picture. I know, I'm prejudice. Soon enough I'll have a new grand baby to show off too :-)
What is Love?
Love delights in giving attention rather than attracting it.
Love finds the element of good and builds on it.
Love does not magnify defects.
Love is a flame that warms but never burns
Love knows how to disagree without becoming disagreeable
Love rejoices at the success of others instead of being envious.
Father James Keller
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
I need a break!
From what you might ask? From this flare up that started the day after the 4th of July. That particular week end was terrible. We had the threat of rain or rain everyday until the week end passed. The barometric pressure highly determines my day. My husband was off from Thursday until Monday and all of this time with him home I felt like doing absolutely nothing.
I scared him at one point when I let it get to me and went on one of my "feel sorry for me" binges. Why me? Why can't I feel normal just one day? Please...just one. I want to remember what it feels like. I told him I couldn't take it any more and he completely took it wrong. I meant I couldn't take pretending like I'm fine and I've learned to deal with it.
I have learned to deal with it. A long time ago. I also learned that if you can't just let go and stop pretending sometime you'll go nuts. If you go nuts your doctor will put you on medication. In my case, increase my medication. I had a mad fit, a good cry, 2 pain pills and crawled in bed and found something funny to watch. I tried not to feel guilty about being in bed or lashing out. By the time the program was over, I felt the "edge" reduced and not so sad and angry any longer.
Why haven't I written? I really have no excuse. Well, maybe the one I use last time about the program I'm watching. Now on season 6 episode 9 and I'm going to really be sad when I'm done. I have one season left after this one. Ok, so back to not writing, A dear friend text last week wondering and I quote, "Ok enough already! I keep checking your blog everyday for an update :-( I apologized and filled her in that I was having a rough time and figured I'd just complain. She said that was what she was thinking. Either I was doing really good or really bad. None the less knowing she was thinking about me helped. Then there was the text at the end of the week asking, "Is my page not reloading or have you not posted since June 27th?" Your page is reloading fine. I have no real excuse. I will get past this flare up. Then I have the friend who checked in and said, "Go ahead and complain, we're listening:-)"
You see my readers, I have the best friends in the world. They all still want to hear from me good or bad. That is one of the many things that give me strength to keep fighting and not giving up and crawl in bed to quit the fight. Trust me, I want to do it on many days. Especially these last 4.
I remember last summer at the hottest point, humidity high with chances of rain all the time making it tough. I told myself it was worse than winter. In the winter I always say its worse in the summer. I've been riding my bike and swimming. That's about it. It's been a couple of weeks or longer since I've had a good walk. Your going to be hearing from me regularly again because after this week end I will start the Weight Watchers program over. Yes readers that 17 pounds you cheered me through last year is BACK ON. All but 6 of them. I don't know what I'm waiting for? I guess to hit the 17 mark back so it can be even harder.
Any one want to join me?
Along with the added pain on top of the chronic "failed back surgery syndrome" my hives are determined to make me miserable. I know, give it up. They aren't going away. I'm not giving up hope that the will some day. I guess they like showing up to visit when my back is flared up. This isn't the best pictures but it gives you an idea starting in block one in the am
and how it gets larger and larger as the day goes on. I can feel them before they even expose themself.
I'm getting tired and falling a sleep while trying to finish this. I haven't slept the last few nights with some particular nasty hives, no relief from this back flare up and kkkkkkkkka cut on my pinky that is healing so slowkkkkkkkkkkkk. ( That's what you get when your drifting off and won't give up. I started @ 11:00 and it's now 2 am. I wake up and my finger has typed its self!) I'll be back to finish tomorrow after my therapy session.
I'm back. It's Tuesday afternoon and I should be able to stay awake to finish lol. I've returned from seeing my therapist and stopping at a few stores so I need a rest. I'm not getting up until I'm done here!
This week end we have some friends coming from out of town for the week end. I'm trying to slowly each day get a few things done around here that I've put off because of the way I've been feeling. The gentleman is a longtime college friend of my husbands. They go way back and he has been coming to stay for the week end to visit long before I was in the picture. I started in the guest room. I have a habit of putting things in there until I "feel like"
taking care of them if I'm having a bad day. I finally got a new bed set and found a topper for the current curtains that match new comforter. I love when things like that work out.
My nephew is in town visiting his dad, stepmom and siblings this week. He lives out of state and its a rare occasion if we get to see him when he is here. (my immediate family) He is 16 now and I'm not sure he was a teenager last time we saw him. My sister in law asked about them all coming Sunday so he could see us and of course us see him. I'm really excited about it. I'm anxious about the busy week end and how I will feel by Monday. I'll make it but know it will take some recouping after.
The last time they came (fathers day) we had such a great time. It was so hot outside but we didn't let it stop us. My husband grilled and he put up a tent topper to provide some shade. As of yesterday we now have a patio cover AND a fan under there so it will be much cooler this visit.
My regret is that my granddaughter can't be here. My son met with her mom last week and Thursday he will see his daughter for the first time since Christmas day. I'm so excited for him and A. I hope it all goes well for all three of them. He has taken so many steps forward and this one will surely encourage more of them. It will take some time before her mom is ready for A to spend alone time with her daddy so it is not an option to have both here on Sunday to see my nephew and family. I'd really like my son to be here. Being with family is so good for him and my brother and his wife were there for him during some of his "bad" days. They really enjoyed seeing him doing so great last time they were here. As well as my mom. Unfortunately if one comes the other can't. Not the end of the world, I know. Every thing takes time.
It just always seems when A is here nothing is going on. My daughter always does her best to get here with P so she can see some of her family here. It's just fell like that recently that when family is here she isn't . A hasn't seen my mom or my brothers family in a very long time. I'd love for her to be able to participate in the fun we will have. She loves the pool now and is very comfortable. Next month is her birthday. She's so excited about that. I can't believe her and P both will soon be 4 years old. I also can't believe I'll have another grandchild soon and P will be a "big brother".
I know I already promised to write more. I definitely will. I have so much to share but don't want to bore all in one post. Honestly I can't sit and type that long anyway. I'm starting my diet back on Monday too. You guys are my inspiration and knowing I have to post my weight up there every Monday holds me accountable. Some may be short but I'll be back.
I hope all my pain friends who stay in touch with me are feeling some relief right now. Your emails, posts and comments always encourage me to stay strong.
Filled with H.O.P.E. (hold on pain ends)
Theresa
I scared him at one point when I let it get to me and went on one of my "feel sorry for me" binges. Why me? Why can't I feel normal just one day? Please...just one. I want to remember what it feels like. I told him I couldn't take it any more and he completely took it wrong. I meant I couldn't take pretending like I'm fine and I've learned to deal with it.
I have learned to deal with it. A long time ago. I also learned that if you can't just let go and stop pretending sometime you'll go nuts. If you go nuts your doctor will put you on medication. In my case, increase my medication. I had a mad fit, a good cry, 2 pain pills and crawled in bed and found something funny to watch. I tried not to feel guilty about being in bed or lashing out. By the time the program was over, I felt the "edge" reduced and not so sad and angry any longer.
Why haven't I written? I really have no excuse. Well, maybe the one I use last time about the program I'm watching. Now on season 6 episode 9 and I'm going to really be sad when I'm done. I have one season left after this one. Ok, so back to not writing, A dear friend text last week wondering and I quote, "Ok enough already! I keep checking your blog everyday for an update :-( I apologized and filled her in that I was having a rough time and figured I'd just complain. She said that was what she was thinking. Either I was doing really good or really bad. None the less knowing she was thinking about me helped. Then there was the text at the end of the week asking, "Is my page not reloading or have you not posted since June 27th?" Your page is reloading fine. I have no real excuse. I will get past this flare up. Then I have the friend who checked in and said, "Go ahead and complain, we're listening:-)"
You see my readers, I have the best friends in the world. They all still want to hear from me good or bad. That is one of the many things that give me strength to keep fighting and not giving up and crawl in bed to quit the fight. Trust me, I want to do it on many days. Especially these last 4.
 |
| 4th of July Good food and great friends |
I remember last summer at the hottest point, humidity high with chances of rain all the time making it tough. I told myself it was worse than winter. In the winter I always say its worse in the summer. I've been riding my bike and swimming. That's about it. It's been a couple of weeks or longer since I've had a good walk. Your going to be hearing from me regularly again because after this week end I will start the Weight Watchers program over. Yes readers that 17 pounds you cheered me through last year is BACK ON. All but 6 of them. I don't know what I'm waiting for? I guess to hit the 17 mark back so it can be even harder.
Any one want to join me?
Along with the added pain on top of the chronic "failed back surgery syndrome" my hives are determined to make me miserable. I know, give it up. They aren't going away. I'm not giving up hope that the will some day. I guess they like showing up to visit when my back is flared up. This isn't the best pictures but it gives you an idea starting in block one in the am
and how it gets larger and larger as the day goes on. I can feel them before they even expose themself.
 |
| last week |
 |
| Monday |
I'm back. It's Tuesday afternoon and I should be able to stay awake to finish lol. I've returned from seeing my therapist and stopping at a few stores so I need a rest. I'm not getting up until I'm done here!
This week end we have some friends coming from out of town for the week end. I'm trying to slowly each day get a few things done around here that I've put off because of the way I've been feeling. The gentleman is a longtime college friend of my husbands. They go way back and he has been coming to stay for the week end to visit long before I was in the picture. I started in the guest room. I have a habit of putting things in there until I "feel like"
taking care of them if I'm having a bad day. I finally got a new bed set and found a topper for the current curtains that match new comforter. I love when things like that work out.
My nephew is in town visiting his dad, stepmom and siblings this week. He lives out of state and its a rare occasion if we get to see him when he is here. (my immediate family) He is 16 now and I'm not sure he was a teenager last time we saw him. My sister in law asked about them all coming Sunday so he could see us and of course us see him. I'm really excited about it. I'm anxious about the busy week end and how I will feel by Monday. I'll make it but know it will take some recouping after.
The last time they came (fathers day) we had such a great time. It was so hot outside but we didn't let it stop us. My husband grilled and he put up a tent topper to provide some shade. As of yesterday we now have a patio cover AND a fan under there so it will be much cooler this visit.
My regret is that my granddaughter can't be here. My son met with her mom last week and Thursday he will see his daughter for the first time since Christmas day. I'm so excited for him and A. I hope it all goes well for all three of them. He has taken so many steps forward and this one will surely encourage more of them. It will take some time before her mom is ready for A to spend alone time with her daddy so it is not an option to have both here on Sunday to see my nephew and family. I'd really like my son to be here. Being with family is so good for him and my brother and his wife were there for him during some of his "bad" days. They really enjoyed seeing him doing so great last time they were here. As well as my mom. Unfortunately if one comes the other can't. Not the end of the world, I know. Every thing takes time.
It just always seems when A is here nothing is going on. My daughter always does her best to get here with P so she can see some of her family here. It's just fell like that recently that when family is here she isn't . A hasn't seen my mom or my brothers family in a very long time. I'd love for her to be able to participate in the fun we will have. She loves the pool now and is very comfortable. Next month is her birthday. She's so excited about that. I can't believe her and P both will soon be 4 years old. I also can't believe I'll have another grandchild soon and P will be a "big brother".
 |
| very involved with "Daniel" |
 |
| girl loves to pose :-) |
I know I already promised to write more. I definitely will. I have so much to share but don't want to bore all in one post. Honestly I can't sit and type that long anyway. I'm starting my diet back on Monday too. You guys are my inspiration and knowing I have to post my weight up there every Monday holds me accountable. Some may be short but I'll be back.
I hope all my pain friends who stay in touch with me are feeling some relief right now. Your emails, posts and comments always encourage me to stay strong.
Filled with H.O.P.E. (hold on pain ends)
Theresa
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