I won't quit

I won't quit exercising even though it is pure torture for me most times.
I won't quit believing I'm going to feel better someday.
I won't quit trying to get rid of these last few pounds that just won't go away.
I won't ignore what my doctors ask me to do even thought I don't want to do it. 

My day started feeling pain in every area of my body when I got out of bed this morning.  It was raining and the humidity was high.  I try to make any appointments I have later morning because until my pain medicine kicks in you just don't want to be around me.  I was awake much earlier than I needed to be.  Darn, why can't I sleep until the alarm goes off?  I stopped fighting it and slowly moved into the kitchen for that first cup of water and went to draw my deep hot bath that helps me get moving.  I was dressed and ready at 8 am and my appointment wasn't until 11.  I have this dilemma often that i try and hold out on taking my pain medicine so it will last until I can do what I need to do.  Especially when I will be out and it will be a long day with multiple stops.  

I watched some of the news and checked  email.  Paid a couple of bills, had breakfast followed by all medications.  By the time I made it to see my rheumatologist I was feeling comfortable.  I have a favorite stimulator program right now.  I also delay turning that on sometime too because at some point durning the late evening I just have to shut if off.  I want it to help when I need it most.  The wait was short.   After check in and after I saw the medical assistant he was right in to see me.  He is however, hard to get an appointment with.  I always schedule on the way out. 

I love this man.  I've been seeing him since 2006.  He is such a good listener and is very patient with you.  He wanted to know everything thats been going on since he last saw me.
(Nov '12)  I missed an appointment at the end of March.  We talked about the revision surgery and the new battery.  Of course his main concern was how my wrist, elbows and knees are doing.  While we are talking he is rubbing/pinching in certain areas.  Ouch..Ouch. Ouch. it hurts everywhere.  When I asked why it hurts like that in those areas, not the ones I mentioned, he said it was most likely my fibromyalgia.  Wait a minute, when did we decide I had fibromyalgia?  I know we'd discussed the possibility on many occasions.  As far back as my first visit.  I didn't have all the check points to diagnose it then.  He explained to me that it can take years to diagnose fibromyalgia because so many of the symptoms are also symptoms of other things too.  I remember all that, but I've always had myself convinced that is not what was causing all my "aches and pains" elsewhere.  I believed they all stemmed from the nerve damage in my back.  I was kind of in a daze while thinking when did say for sure you think I have this?

Today all the areas he checked hurt.  We talked about how the stretches helped my wrists.  I wanted to know why he thought my elbows were still giving me so much trouble?  It's the outside edge. When he put pressure the right way and I almost elbowed him.  The muscle leading to that tendon is very sore too.  The left side hurts worse I told him.  He said there wasn't as much inflammation on the right.  He really thought the best option was to try some physical therapy first.  If that doesn't help he wants to a MRI on both.  I knew sooner or later have to go back to PT again but never thought it would be for my elbows.  Seriously? Something as simple as holding Dallas' pooper scooper can bring me to tears.  He asked me to make sure any time I hold something to hold it with my palm up.  The pain comes from the inflammation and degeneration of the common extensor tendon, one of the tendons of the elbow.   Tendon tears can be the cause of chronic forms of Tennis elbow.  The fancy name Lateral epicondylitis.   From what I read rest should have it better in a couple of weeks so it has definitely become chronic. 

Shows the muscle and tendon and where it hurts!

This physical therapy session will be at the previous establishment I was going to so I am pleased about that.  It was just around the corner from where we used to live but now it will be a trip across town.  He mentioned something about rubbing and needles?  That sounds painful.  He said he wouldn't sugar coat it.  It will be.  Hopefully it will be worth it in the end.  I know plenty of people have dealt with it.  I'm just on a pity party right now with adding another issue.  As my friend says, "Girl, you need a tissue for your issues?"  Yes I do, thank you!

After he gave me all my marching papers I went down a floor to get my flu shot. First I had to stop off to check out and schedule an appointment for 6 months.  As I waited I looked at the papers in my hand.  Diagnoses this visit....first on the list FIBROMYALGIA ugh I hate that word.  It's almost like I had to see him put that down to believe he really said it.  I notice farther down listed as previous diagnoses....that same ugly word.  I guess he had been trying to tell me.  I just wasn't hearing him.   

 I waited longer to get my flu shot than I did to see the doctor.  I believe everyone there with a doctor appointment was getting their flu shot too.  I'm glad its done, but this time went a little different than usual.  Within a short time I started itching at the injection area.  It continued to get worse and soon I felt a bump coming up.  I really wasn't able to look at it until several hours later. 

right after I got home around 3:15

From there I went to meet my daughter, son in law, P and his maw maw for the new babies ultra sound.  It went well.  It took awhile because at this particular ultra sound they take a lot of measurements and look at a lot of things.  P was enthusiastic at first.  Full of questions.  Smart questions.  I can't remembered quite how he asked but it got his big brain to thinking and he wanted to know if his mommy was in a tummy one time?  It was so cute how he asked.  His daddy explained to him mommy was in Nonna's tummy when she was a baby.  I told him I could tell him all about it and show him pictures.  I started thinking and I can remember it all so clearly.  Somethings just don't erase from your mind.

P watching closely while sitting with Maw Maw

My son in law hoping to catch a glimpse of the sex

After the ultra sound was over I hung around with B to see her doctor.  My son in law, P and maw maw went ahead and left instead of waiting around longer.  It had been a long time for P.  He was so good and patient.  We had a bit of a wait to see her doctor.  When she was done there she wanted FOOD.  Poor girl was hungry.  She didn't want to put a lot of food in her stomach so she'd only had yogurt.  It was 3pm by this time.  She had a subway sandwich and we left.  

I was pretty tired myself when I made it in and my arm was driving me nuts.  In the past I've only had soreness never itching or swelling.  If I hadn't had the shot in that exact spot I'd have sworn it was a hive breaking out.  I changed into something comfortable and saw what I was feeling.  A big knot.   Of course you know I have a picture to show you!  I'm still glad I had one.  I haven't missed since 2000.  In 1999 I had a terrible case of the flu that kept me down for two weeks.  I swore I would get one every year after that.  I have and I've never had the flu again.  Knock Knock.

Around 5 and yes it's bigger!

Last but not least.  It's Tuesday.  Weigh in day.   I'll start with my measurements being exactly the same.  Weight- half a pound down.  I'm not thrilled about it because during several weeks I've hit this weight only to have it be up on weigh in day.  I believe it is just a fluke it happened on the right day today.

Well that's enough for tonight.  You got an earful yesterday.  Enough is enough.   Tomorrow is a new day.  Everyone has something to face as they wake and face the day.  We're never alone.  

Living with H.O.P.E.
Theresa