Meet A J

8lbs 14ozs 21in of Gods love for us





 

Let me start by apologizing for being away so long.  Today will not be anything about me, but about our newest bundle of joy.  My next post I'll update you on what's been going on with my "ailments".  They are a big part of what's kept me away from my blog.  Thank you to friends and followers who have emailed and messaged me to check on me and why I haven't been blogging.  

Friday January 24th was a very high anxiety day for me.  To start the weather conditions here in Baton Rouge were not normal for us.  We had freezing numbers with some precipitation and that equaled a mess for people who are not used to driving in these conditions.  

I had appointments for OT (the elbow) and PT (the back).  At the same time as my second appointment my daughter was at the doctor having a follow up ultrasound.  Baby girl wasn't moving satisfactory to doctor's liking on the Tuesday before.  She wasn't going to let B go another week without rechecking.  I was a nervous wreck while there at therapy.  The weather had my pain scale up and I was fretting the weather outside.  Everyone coming in after me said it was only getting worse and the car windows were icing over within their visit. That told me mine was for sure since I had already been there an hour and a half.  

I had plans to have my granddaughter who lives out of town to come for the week end because we all knew that my daughter would be delivering any time now.  I figured it was her last time to come for a few weeks since Nonna would be helping out with my "new" granddaughter.  Her maw maw and I had been watching the weather and texting back and forth before my appointment.  It wasn't looking good.  The interstate closed then a bridge for her and myself that had to be crossed closed.  

With all of this going on I was a nervous wreck and had both of my therapist worrying over me.  They are the greatest.  If you live here in Baton Rouge and need PT please let me give you there information.  This is my second go around there and I've been other places and there is no comparison.  The entire office including the front office is full of compassion.

I got a text from B saying AJ passed her movement test but barely.  She was not waiting to see the doctor which was not in the plans so of course we both worried briefly.  Shortly after she text me back and said they would be inducing on the Monday.  January 27th.  It hit me, we now know her birthday.  January 27th 2014.  

I got the sad face from my daughter on her text.  She wanted to go into labor on her own.  She had to be induced with P which made her labor harder and of course being your first it took so long.  She really wanted to deliver natural but it just wasn't in the cards for P.  Now with this news I'm sure that was the meaning of the sad face.   Pitocin induced contractions are different from your body's natural contractions , in strength and effect.  I'm sure that flashbacks were already in her mind of P's long hard labor ending with an epidural.  

When I was ready to leave therapy one of the aids had to walk me all the way to my car because the parking lot was iced over.  If I hadn't held on to this strong gentlemen it would have been like trying to ice skate to my car and I KNOW I wouldn't have made it.  Both my front and back windshield had iced over.  I sat for awhile with defrost on and thankfully was on my way slowly out the parking lot soon after.  

I talked to A's Maw Maw on the way home to update her on B and we discussed meeting in the morning.  Still no way to meet, due to iced bridges and closed interstate.   We did get to meet up later Saturday morning.  Although still very cold the rain cleared and the sun melted the ice.  She was one happy little girl to know that even if for a shorter time she could spend some time with Nonna and Poppa.  She was very curious about Aunt B and how she was. When was baby girl coming?  She loves her cousin P but very excited about having a girl cousin.  A has already planned what she wants to teach baby girl when she meets her.  A understood that at her next visit her new cousin would be here and Nonna promised her she would get to visit.  

A with her friend A2

6:30am Monday rolled around fast.  Once I got word she was settled in a room I headed to the hospital.  I'm grateful I live very close to the Womans Hospital.  During her stay I made some drives to and from hospital on icy roads.  When I arrived they were starting her Pitocin and her pains started quickly.  It was so hard as her mother to watch her go through the labor pains once they got really intense.  At one point I couldn't help cry for her.  I just laid across her bed and prayed for things to move along quickly.  Myself, her mother in law, baby girls Nannie and of course her supporting husband were with her too.

Thankfully things moved along quickly.  Well, easy for me to call quickly but compared to P it was.  By 10:30 she was at a 9.  They called the doctor in, nurses started scrambling and B was in transition.  No turning back, she did it!  A calm came over her for a short period then a few pushes, along with such pain in her face it scared me, and baby AJ was here. 

Minutes before delivery

We were all in awe over our new pretty big, blessing.  After daddy cut the cord they gave her straight to my daughter.  I can't begin to try and tell you how it felt to see my daughter hold her first girl skin to skin immediately after birth.  She was beautiful even without being cleaned up. 

This was the second time I witnessed the miracle of birth.  I can never thank my daughter enough for letting us be a part of it.  She was such a champ.  Hearing her tell the story to visitors after you could tell how worth it it was for her to deliver natural.  She had experienced both and said she would do it natural again if they were to have another.  I told her I'm a little scared how fast it may go on third child.  She didn't even look like she had a baby several hours later.  My daughter is very blessed to have a wonderful husband and a very loving and helpful mother in law.  It was just as hard for her to see B in pain.  We were just so happy for her in the end that she was able to accomplish her goal.  

Right before they unwrapped her for B

B had the normal 48 hour stay.  AJ gave us a scare in the early morning the next day. (Tuesday)  She ended up in the transition nursery, then on to NICU from there.  She definitely gave my daughter something to write about in her book.  B knew just what do, didn't panic and called for help right away.  I just regret for her that she had to experience the scare alone. 

My daughter was released Wednesday evening but AJ had to stay another night so mom stayed on the sofa in NICU with her.   In the end she was just fine.  The scare we had did reveal something with her little heart that they needed to know about.  She will have a follow up with the cardiologist next month, but they expect everything to be all clear by then.  

On Thursday they got to go home and begin life as a family of 4 now.  P loves his little sister. He's doing great with her.  Checks on her periodically and then on about his business.  He's so helpful too.  Already knows what we need before we do when changing her diaper.  :-)

P meeting little sister for the first time

P home with AJ

On Friday AJ had her first visit at the pediatrician.  She was so good.  She just let her doctor do her thing.  The only thing she didn't like was undressing and redressing.  Everyday she seems to look a little different.  It's been such a blessing to be around to help out my daughter and see the wonders of the first week of life.  Lets face it, I'm 49.  I remember a lot about my children but not so much about the first week of life.  What really amazes me is how everyone thinks she looks like someone different.  We've heard like her big brother, her momma, and 3 different people said she looks like her Nonna.  Imagine how that made Nonna smile and melt my heart.  What a blessing.  Three grandchildren all special in their own way.  A, my first.  Something very special.  P, the only boy and my daughters first child.  Then AJ, my 2nd granddaughter but my daughter having a daughter is something special in itself.  I love them all equally <3.

4 days old

6 days old

I'm home today for only 2nd time since she was born.  I decided I would do nothing else but laundry, clean up pictures on my computer and this post.  It was time.  Now that I've got this done I feel like I will be back into a routine again.  I will be so happy to see some warm weather come and have the pool open again.

In April my mom and I are taking a cruise together.  We've been saying for a good long time we wanted to take a trip together.  All to often we talk about doing things and never make them happen.  I'm glad to say we are, and there is no long car ride or plane ride involved.  Some warm weather is an excellent perk too!

A note about AJ.  That is not her name or what anyone calls her.  It is her initials of her first and second name. A beautiful name that I love more every day I see her.   As with everyone else I respect their privacy and prefer not to use full names.  

Thanks again for your understanding through some difficult times.  My pain level with my back, elbow and fibromyalgia has been off the chart through these winter months.  I'm hoping to be getting some relief soon.  There is rain coming this evening so it was a great day to just take it easy and get some blogging done.  I hope to catch up on some of my favorite blogs I follow next.

Full of H.O.P.E.
Theresa

What next?

As I mentioned in previous post I had a date with some friends Wednesday night.  My therapist has been encouraging me to surround myself around positive energy since a couple of things in my life is draining everything positive right out of me.  Last week when I just felt like I really couldn't make it I didn't feel any different this week.  I'm not good at all at "pretending".  I thank you all for getting me out.  I was quite uncomfortable early on pain wise so I appreciate your willingness to move outside as soon as we were done.  I guess we'd been sitting for an hour and a half talking, ordering, socializing before I just had to stand up. I'd went to the bathroom, stood to greet a late arrival, then I was out of excuses to stand around a table of seated people.  My therapist always says, "whats wrong with that?"  You try it I told her.   It makes me very uncomfortable to stand and look down upon people.

I had a session with her today.  She asked me how it was and did I enjoyed myself?  I did I told her and I dealt with the pain.  I told her I was nervous about talking about my son and my back without breaking down..  Both have taken control of my life and my emotions.  I have to give it to her, I would have given up on me a long time ago.  She's given me so many exercises and advise on how to handle both.  Boundaries to stick to with my son.  How to not feel like everything with him is not my fault.  I guess it's just taking me longer than with most people.  She's really upset with me that I don't want to include my self in things that could be fun and or good for me.  Things that should be exciting and fun I sometime dread because I feel guilty for pleasure when someone is suffering.  I'm that way when anyone I know or care about is hurting or losses someone they are close to. That's where she is looking for me to feed off of others what I find missing in myself.  I just have to get strong enough to do it.  No matter how many times she tells me my son's situation is not my fault I can't help still hurting and being scared for him.  I know I can't do the thinking and fixing for him ( she says I'm actually hurting him and me by this) but it doesn't help you just turn off the emotions and let him fall.  

He just came by to bring me some money to give to his daughter's mom and money he owes us.  I'll be seeing her tomorrow to pick up my granddaughter.  I questioned him on some things I've heard about what's happening to his money. Where does it go?  After all, he hasn't had rent since August.  He probably felt I believe everything everyone says instead of him.  I had no means to defend him because he doesn't talk to me much any more.  He didn't have to tell me anything I guess but he informed me that he has been giving the "friend" who let him stay for a short while before he was out on the street again.  Besides child support and a loan note the rest of his money has been going to someone who was willing to loan him money to have legal representation when A's mom took him to court.  He said after he pays everything he gives them whats left. He said he is very close to paying them off.  I know that was back in March so now I guess I understand why he hasn't had any money even when he just gets paid. I've been telling him to pay himself first so he has gas and food money until next check.  I don't feel any better,  I actually feel worse because I was accusing him of doing wasteful things with his money.

So the afternoon of Wednesday didn't go so great.  Mr. R and I spent and hour and a half together.  We did manage to get some of the painful areas out, but no luck in getting my back coverage again.  It's low, to low to help me.   He went under Dr. Grahams recommendation in trying a high setting with a low frequency and lower until the "pinching" and "belt, rope" feeling goes away.  I may not feel it in my back but it could be helping regardless if I'm feeling the sensations or not.  If it starts to hurt he just wants me to just turn it off so I'm not so aggravated or angry.  One thought Mr. R had was that he had a patient who got coverage for his lower back in trial but it didn't help his pain at all.  He said he probably had a mechanical problem that none of the treatments we both have had will fix the problem. It makes sense to me because as the day goes on the worse it gets.  He asked me if I don't do anything at all does the pain go away?  It does, if I stay in bed all day, like when I had this virus  recently , it did.  I had pain from laying on my back due to the two surgery incisions and pressure from it but my normal back pain was mild.  That leads him to believe his thinking to be true.  What does all that mean?  In my heart, he'll continue to work with me, but I don't think he really believes we will get it without moving the leads higher.  

I'm going to be as positive as I can and hope that things change over next few weeks.  I guess they could.  It doesn't make sense that I was doing better two months ago than now.  It should have gotten better and better the closer to 6 months I reached.  It seems just like a make over of the surgery from '09.  Full of hope in the beginning only to be led along by doctor after doctor that things would get better.  

Fighting back, Theresa

The things you take for granted someone else is praying for. 

NO Pain Medicine

Therapy day.  We had a great session, but as always you walk out on cloud nine thinking about every thing you talked about.  Your start making these plans in your head and you feel so strong and then BAMB, your home and back to reality and you feel all that strength just drain right out of you.


 I love my therapist.  She is the second one, things just didn't work out with the first one I spent 6 months with.  A very smart, wise person told me it was ok to leave and find a new one.  He would understand.  And he did.  So I brought my stimulator with me because I know she sees others who deal with chronic pain.  I showed her how it worked and we talked about where I go from here.  She seemed very pleased at how I'm handling recovery and waiting.  I won't get into the other reason that keeps me seeing her but more time was spent talking about that than my surgery/recovery.  A family matter.  One that seems to have no end.  One that definitely effects my pain.  Both in my heart and my back.  


I turned on my stim the moment I got out of bed this morning and has not stopped running since.  I only changed the program once.  Speaking of changing the program, my dog absolutely hates the sound when the unit is locating the IPG.  It makes a sharp beeping sound until it finds it  then one long beep.  He now recognizes it and runs for cover when I get it out of its pouch.  One other thing scares him so and that is the vacuum.


First day with no pain medication.  No side effects.  Just the big nasty demon back there.  Its a different hurt now.  Kind of like before surgery maybe?  IDK.  I turned my stim off after getting in the car to drive to therapy and right back on before I got out.  So I am having an opportunity to feel thats its working.   No way I could tolerate without something for pain if this stimulator wasn't working.  By tonight watching tv it was starting to get annoying.  You kind of get tired of the buzzing, or whatever you want to call it.  It feels good but even a good feeling you can get enough of.  But you turn it off, you have to pay!  Maybe I won't be able to be med free.  But I want to try.  Even though I woke up hurting just like every other day, I had more energy and didn't feel so fatigued.  Most days I plead with myself to get up because I know if I stay in bed I don't have to deal with the pain.  I've accepted the fact that I may have to stay on it, maybe take less, but I have this mission to find out if a little more in tense pain is worth the other nasty feeling the pain med was causing.  I didn't know until now how it was dragging me down with side effects.  I have more time to heal, no rush I'll figure it all out.


My card from St. Jude came in today.  I'm supposed to carry around at all time.  Just means its stuck in my wallet with all the others.  If I'm at airport or any other place they want to scan me this card will save me.  I spent an hour searching for the "perfect" bracelet on line.  Med Alert bracelet that is.  They're all UGLY!  Don't like 'em.  Besides my dear husband gave me a tennis bracelet that is PRETTY for Valentines day this year.  So here is my plan.  The UGLY bracelet will stay in the car and I just slip it on when I get in and take it off when I get out.  My husband says, that won't work. ( me only wearing in the car)  What if something happens to you here at home alone, or when your shopping?  He knows I hate shopping.  I'm just trying to get out of wearing the darn thing.  Hence putting off choosing one.  It can wait.


I'll have guests for the week end.  Going to try cooking.  It's been tv dinners during recovery.  I may not be back until Sunday. Just have to see how it goes.  My son has requested chocolate cake for Father's day and D wants the Nutella cookies he saw me pin on pinterest.
I've got my work cut out for me.  I'll be cruising with the IPG on high!  Lets hope its enough.


Happy Fathers Day to all the Dads out there.  Including mine.  He's not here with us but he is definitely in our hearts.   

Hanging in there

This post was actually from last night but forgot to publish.  I'm not all here right now!  It should be dated June 11th 


Last night was awful.  It reminded me of the first night I skipped the Ambien.  Here is how the last few days have been.  Friday I had an Am and PM.  Saturday an Am and PM.  Sunday only AM.  Wasn't a wise idea I should have did half in AM and half in PM it was to soon to just drop down to one all day.  Around 5 my pain was sky rocketing and I felt the hives coming on.


There is an argument between my allergist and my therapist that anxiety causes my hives but I say and the allergist aggress stress does not cause hives but it definitely exacerbates them.  Every time I have some "break through" pain my hives appear.  Like the pictures you saw two days after surgery.  I live it so I know, it comes out with the more severe pain.


Back to last night, I was so miserable that I got my stim unit out and tried all the programs again.  With no sleep my body is not thinking straight so not sure if I mentioned that I have been sadden since Friday night that the new programs were not helping at all.  Saturday I didn't turn on at all.  Some of them were actually uncomfortable.  So out of desperation I tried again last night and 1 out of the six had changed a little and seemed that it may be helpful.  I let it run until I was ready to lie down.  I wish I would have used some of the things I read on the internet to be helpful but my mind wasn't working right.  It's like there buzzing in my head and legs had control of me. Something holding my eyelids open.Like taking a warm shower or bath.  A muscle relaxer.  Only if you've experienced this before (withdrawals of a medication) it seems odd what I'm saying.   Watching TV didn't help it was only aggravating.
Last time I saw was 3. Turned the clock over then I remembering D tell me good bye and feeling like I had never slept.   


Today I took muscle relaxer and the neurontin.  I was weak all day.  Spent most of it on the couch except for taking a hot shower.  That did seem to help.  No appetite at all and when I did try to eat to get some energy it went right through me.  The one program is mildly helping with the back pain.  It's the closest its ever been.


 Mr. R is out of town :-(.  He great though. He emailed me right back to let me know that he would have his replacement get in tough with me.  I got a call form her this morning and she will be in Baton Rouge on Wednesday so we set something up.  Hope I'm over some of this other nasty stuff.  If she and I are successful maybe I can stay off.  Through more readying I know that I'm really being impatient on finding the exact program.  But I know that's what their there for and if I need to go once a week I will.  It's not like I had the right one and something changed through scar tissue or movement.   That's likely also.  We just need to get a little closer its so close now but it's complicated to just pick out right one because there are so many combinations to try.  I have high expectation that we can find one or two until I reach my 3 month mark which is where most people experience the stimulator to really be starting to help.  Hives still around today but in control compared to had bad they can get.


I hope I can sleep a little tonight.  I may try leaving my stimulator on.  It will take a little fine tuning because lying down makes it increase.  Tomorrow I drop down to one half in the AM and nothing in PM.  Hopefully only another 36 hours of these symptoms.  I need to be strong enough to drive to the clinic to meet with the St. Jude rep. the following morning. 


I also made an appointment with my therapist for Thursday morning.  I haven't seen her since the week before my surgery.   I know that will be helpful with these blues I'm having.  I'm really hard on myself.  I guess after everything I've been through I expected to just bounce right back and it feels like forever even though its not even been a month.  4 weeks on Wednesday.  I need to be more patient.


Thanks for being here.  Even though I haven't had many comments I know someone is checking in on me because I can see the page views daily.   On the 11th I had the most ever in one day 65.  Total to date is 761.  Your support helps me know there are others I may be helping.  


Sweet dreams to those of you who sleep :-)