It's a long one!

On Friday I went for my first appointment with the Occupational Therapist.  You know how it is on the first visit.  Just like PT, completing forms and a lot of history taking.  She measured everything from my elbow down all the way to my fingertips.  It was amazing the things she pointed out to me.  A few minutes into her exam she said to me, "your hurting aren't you?"  Yes, I answered, but it's my back.  I had sat in waiting area for 15 minutes and been in her chair for 15 minutes. I asked her how long did she think we'd be today.  About another hour she told me. 

She offered me heat and I declined.  The therapist next to her told her she should sign me up for PT on my back also while I'm there.  I told her I'd already been through that numerous times and continued at home to this day.  She asked me who I saw and was surprised I remembered her name.  As we proceeded she pointed out to me that my left elbow was swollen and fingers on left hand swollen.  I mentioned I had told my rheumatologist that it was obvious the left side was worse.  She put me in a BANDIT.  A brace worn on the forearm commonly used for lateral epicondylitis, carpal tunnel and other types of forearm and wrist pain.  She also recommended and gave me some gloves for when I'm sleeping to help with the swelling. She had me put one on to try for size and it was insane how it felt so soothing just to have a "glove" on my hand.

Whats weird is I'd been complaining to my husband that I couldn't wear my wedding ring for some time now. This is something he definitely notices.   After I'd been dieting these past weeks and dropped some pounds I still couldn't put it on.  If I did get it on I couldn't get it off without soap.  Now I know why.  

The BANDIT

During this exam they have you make various hand gestures and movements with your fingers.  You also have to squeeze and press on different instruments with your fingers/hands.  As we moved to the right arm she noticed that a certain placement with my thumb caused pain shooting from wrist to thumb area.  It's crazy the things they look at.  After this discovery she had me flip my palms over and flatten my hand.  The left side was flat across the thumb to other side of hand.  The right side was strangely uneven.  It was like an incline, not flat like the other side.  I'm assuming this had something to do with why the pain was created with the movement she had me make?  

When we're done I think I'm getting out of there and she tells me she is next going to make me a splint for my right hand. It will prevent my thumb and wrist from moving so that over time....a short time I hope, it will get better with rest.  I was cool with that.  I'm a compliant patient.  It took about 20 minutes for her to cut out this form, heat it and mold it around my wrist.  We get it on for good after trimming and smoothing ruff edges and I immediately begin to think this might be difficult being it's my right hand.  Then she drops the bombshell that I should refrain from texting.  If you use your thumb you won't be able to anyhow. 
Ha, Ha, I told her.  Most of the people I commonly text with on daily basis do not want to be on the phone.  Guess I'll be leaving some voice mails.  

Exactly at hour and a half mark we were done.  I walked out with apparatus on each side.  I asked how long I could expect my two visits next week to last and she told me an hour now that all the other stuff was out of the way.  We'll be starting the therapy next visit. 

Right arm

Left arm

My husband and I had plans to take my grandson to members night at the zoo.  I thought to myself as the day progressed, and I saw how challenging it was really going to have this brace on my hand, was I sure we could still go?  I just felt so dysfunctional.  I knew D would be able to do anything I couldn't and I was really looking forward to taking P to this event.  

We headed out at 4:15 to make our way to the zoo and instantly was shut down with a back up on the interstate.  An update from D's app told us there was a lane closure ahead and an accident on the Mississippi river bridge.  Holy cow, what luck.  We crawled for 30 minutes to get to a loup that puts you on another interstate and then we took Airline Hwy to I-110.  It was 6pm when we made it there.  An hour and a half.  It's typically a 40 minute drive from my house.  

All was well though.  We made it.  P had a great time.  He wanted to get his face painted and was willing to wait in a seriously long line.  Never complained once.  I guess he really wanted this.  His mom told me via text that he'd never had this done and we may be waiting for nothing.  Oh well, it's what he wants to do and thats what this trip was all about. How are you texting she wanted to know?  With my left thumb...slowly. 

His first face paint

After that we went to see some other activities they were having and then we came across the bubble activity.  It was a huge circle around you attached to a rope.  As you pulled the rope the circle came up and made a bubble ring around you.  It was pretty cool and P definitely wanted to try.  So, we get in another long line that he had no problem with.  It was around 7:15 and the sun was just starting to go down.  I took a picture of a young girl doing it so I could show mom what we were waiting for.  I was confidant that by the time we made it up there it would be dark.  It was as you could see by the difference in the pictures.  The mosquitos ate up my ankles and neck.  Even D was bothered with them.  He rarely gets bitten even when I end up covered with bites. I definitely wore the wrong shoes to walk around in especially when getting warm and sweating.  Just because some shoes are comfortable for some things, they are not for others.  I ended up with huge blisters on both pinky toes.  We stopped to eat on the way home then met my daughter to return P.  

Too proud!

Go Go Go everyone cheered!

I think it was around 9:30 when we made it home and I couldn't wait to take the brace off of my hand.  First I took off the BANTIT.  Other than leaving an imprint, it was fine.  I realized that it definitely was working.  There were things I did that normally cause it to really hurt and it was so mild vs moderately painful.  The brace was another story.  As I removed it I had deep imprints on the top of my hand near my knuckles.  I knew something wasn't right earlier and I should have taken it off then.  The OT said if it bothers you somewhere, take it off and we'll adjust it Tuesday.  With us being busy and I kind of brushed it off thinking it was hurting because of the correction.  I can tell you I had no pain in that area AT ALL before she put that brace on me and at that moment when I took it off and stopped to rest my hand/wrist was throbbing!  Almost to the point of tears a few minutes later.

I took some advil and propped it up on a pillow with ice.  I took pictures to show her on Tuesday and decided at that moment that I was not putting that contraption on again until I saw her on Tuesday. I'm sure it just needs to be trimmed but I can tell you I have a bad taste in my mouth for it now!  

Saturday I woke up with no pain at all in that hand/wrist. The brace today is right where I left it Friday night.  It was cutting me in between my thumb and pointer, the top of palm and on my wrist on bottom side.  My husband and I both said, "we're not doing anything today...let's take it easy."  Let's face it, that never really happens.  The morning I just did laundry but later I got into the pool and swam laps.  It had been two days off from exercise and I just had to do it.  Before that swim only my back was bothering me.  My hand had felt better when I woke up and I wore the BANDIT at all possible times.  

After swimming I decided to set up the vacuum to clean the pool.  It had been awhile.  It really wasn't too dirty but it seemed like a good time to do it.  There is a lot of hoses to be joined together involved in set up.  A twisting motion.  I told my husband after that it's crazy how you don't realize the muscles you use until they are painful to use.  Every hose I attached I cringed as I twisted it on.  As soon as I was done I put the BANDIT back on.  The plants still had to be watered.  

This is a 30 minute project front and back.  By the time I unwound and put back the hose front and back I was in tears.  When I came inside I told my husband I was going to lay down.  I literally cried my elbow hurt so bad.  What was it?  The lap swimming?  The twisting motion with the vacuum hoses. Watering the plants.  Heck, I guess maybe a combination off all things.  I don't know, but I went into depressed mode and shut down.  I put an ice pack on my elbow and alternated with heat ice heat ice for about two hours until I could stand the pain without it.  I had a HUGE pity party.  Why me?  Isn't my back enough.  Why?  Why?  Why?

Unfortunately we don't get these answers when we want them.  I tried to think of thing of things that could be worse and I came up with a lot.  When you deal with chronic pain everyday it becomes really easy to slip into depression and feeling like it's only you and why you?

The last two nights have been worst since revision surgery in May.  Friday night my hand and wrist throbbing and last night the elbow pain was unbearable.  I never left the bed after I came in from watering at 6:30.  Today has been better.  My hand has some relief but I'm dreading Tuesday to be put back into the brace after an adjustment.  It really brings some limitations. I question only because I didn't go there with pain in that area. 

I've had my BANDIT on the left side all day.  It's tender and sore but I've also REALLY taken it easy today.  Hint hint this long post. Typing is something you do that causes irritation to both problems so you'd think I'd keep it short.  I didn't type this all at one sitting.  It's been through out the day.  

My husband deals with shoulder pain on and off year after year.  He goes to PT it gets better then it comes back.  He's been swimming a good bit following seeing me swim laps.  Yesterday and this morning he volunteered at church helping prepare for a fundraiser at all masses today.  Yesterday was a lot of prep work and today he said he did a repetitive motion a lot.  I arrived home from Sam's to see him holding his shoulder (as near tears as a man can get) complaining about how bad he was hurting.  My husband rarely complains.  How can he?  I don't give him a chance.  Multiple times today I've heard some moaning and groaning while holding his shoulder.  I told him that people say they know how you feel but really they don't.  I really know how you feel babe.  Can you imagine at this moment if that pain doesn't go away with rest?  That's my life EVERYDAY!  I made sure he didn't think I did't have any sympathy for him.  It was just pointing out that I DO understand how you feel because I know, I feel it everyday.  Be grateful you always end up with relief at some point.  Something I'd give anything for.  I'm sure he'd give anything for me to have also.  Then I'd be like the person he married 9 years ago.

Maybe this caused it? He says "No"

The good news is two weeks from yesterday we're heading to the beach.  Surely when I leave my home I will take it easy and relax.  I can't believe September has just flown by us.  Tomorrow, Monday the beginning of a new week.  Let's just be joyful we're here and see what it brings us.  I know it's hard to believe here from what I write but there are many things I am thankful for.  

Have a blessed week.  Never giving up H.O.P.E. (hold on pain ends) Theresa

how the bubble ring looked with daylight

DESTINY

Watch your thoughts; they become words

Watch your words; they become actions

Watch your actions; they become habits

Watch your habits; they become character

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny

10,000 page views....wow

This is been a very busy and overwhelming week.  From the time we got home Monday evening from the beach until I returned home from meeting A's other grandparents this afternoon.  The weather here this week was bad.  Even when it wasn't raining the threat of rain is painful for me.  So much pressure across my back. 

I'm three days away, very anxious,  but I really have mixed feelings about it all.  I wish that since I was being cut on again the result would eliminate this chronic annoying and sometime "take control of my life" pain.  Ok, so it's not going to eliminate it,  I know that but please please let it serve the purpose it is supposed to. If your new to the blog, I'm having trouble with my battery placement so they are going in to replace with a smaller one.  The only down side is it requires charging more often vs the larger one.  That is least of my concerns.  It has been causing added pain since January so charging more often is a breeze if this gets rid of it.   I'm so tired of procedure after procedure with no good results.  Done...pity party over!

Back to A. Her paw paw meet me on Friday after lunch and we stayed busy all week end.  She really wanted to swim and I thought earlier in the week that would be possible but with the cold front that came through at the end of week the water temp went back down 
:-{

A and Dallas outside enjoying the sunshine.

D and I brought her to the zoo Saturday morning.  We did a lot of walking around.  Poppa pulled the wagon when A wanted to ride.  When she felt like walking, she wanted to pull the wagon.  After an hour, Nonna seriously considered riding in the wagon.  If I could have been certain it wouldn't break on me, I'd probably have given it a try.  

oops, there upside down!

loved petting the animals

look at that static hair :-)

When we returned home A went down for a nap and Nonna got on the heating pad and rested the entire time she slept.  She was ready for another outing when she was up.  I'd promised we'd go to the Dollar Tree before she went home and that's when she wanted to go.  So off we went to the DT.  Who would think you could spend an hour in DT?  We did.
After we went across the street to Chick fil A.  She couldn't miss it.  You'd have sworn there was a NEON sign flashing across the street.  For once there was no one on the play center and she had it all to her self.  Shorty after a group of "rowdy" kids came and did me a favor. 
A was ready to go as soon as they kicked their shoes off.  We ate then made it home around 7.  

worn out from the zoo trip

ready to go again after refueling!

Around the time we were resting during the day my beautiful daughter was in one of her friends wedding.  My grandson was the ring bearer.  A handsome one at that.  I thought about them all day.  Wishing I was there.  Wondering how it was going?  I couldn't go for reasons it would be best not to talk about here on my blog.  ( it had nothing to do with A )

How handsome is he?  VERY

After hair and make up

I wanted to see everyone, my daughter, P, the bride of course but I was also looking forward to seeing a long time friend who I haven't seen since I don't know when.  I seriously can't remember.  We used to spend so many hours in a week together.  More time than we spent with our husbands.  We took a lot of vacations together.  Concert groupies together.  And sometime we just got in the car and just drove.  No plan of where we were going.  Just getting away.    We shared a love of some of the same musical artists also.  So we sang away to them on our trips to nowhere.   She was also my walking buddy.  A very faithful one. 

She asked my daughter about me.  I will make a point to get in touch with her while I'm home recovering with time on my hands.   We'll have to schedule more than one call with all we need to catch up on.  

This morning we took a ride to visit Aunt B and cousin P.  One of the first things she asked about when I picked her up.  By the time dragging Nonna was ready, we only had two hours to visit when we got there.  A was her normal shy self at first but by time to leave she didn't want to go.  We weren't on the interstate no time and she was fast asleep.  I had picked her up some lunch and she was still holding on to it when she crashed.  

My sweet babies <3

They are so precious, even from behind.

Not long after we started home, she was out!

If you remember back in December I mentioned loosing my great aunt.  She was my moms, dad's sister.  One of a twin.  And they were the babies of 13.  This week my mom was in touch all week regarding her husband.  He started feeling bad and having trouble breathing.  He and my aunt in their 90's.  He until recently went to the gym every morning and worked out.  Always outside in the heat of the summer working the yard and loved to fix things like my dad.  Matter of fact since I've lost my dad he has been to fix several things for my mom around her house.  Him and my dad were really close.  He had a hard time dealing with the fact that my dad went before him.  

At first the doctors thought pneumonia was cause due to all the fluid in his lungs.  After many tests it was discovered he has cancer.  In his lungs and has spread to his liver.  Now I know he is in his 90's, but it's not an easy thing to hear at any age.  Not the way you want to go and he has taken such good care of himself and his wife through a very touch illness over the last 6-8 years.  Now you know if you've followed my blog that my mom is right there.  Just like she was for my Aunt, and her brother several years before.   He was sick with cancer.  She brought him home from the nursing home to care for him there.  My aunt never forgot what my mom did for him.  She was starting to get ill herself so she couldn't care for him.  Obviously the same age being they were twins.  Now my uncle has a chance to breath again.  Not be in constant worry of carrying for his wife and dealing with the abuse that came along with her illness.  It's only been 5 months and he's hit with this news.  I think it's so sad.  With all that said, why aren't I more grateful that I just deal with pain every day and not be grateful that it isn't something that will kill me.  It has definitely weakened me, but I'm not going anywhere.  

I plan to get a menu together tomorrow and make it to the store on Tuesday so I'm prepared to be home for awhile.  I need some good healthy meals.  I've been pretty lazy lately.  I really loose my will power when I have a lot of pain going on because it's so easy to eat something bad rather than take the time to fix something healthy.  I lost 17 pounds on weight watchers last summer after the doctor released me to do what exercises I could.  I started in July and hit my goal at the end of October.  November December and January even though off WW's I still managed to keep within 1-2 pounds of goal weight.  When my battery issues started and things go more difficult I quit trying so hard.  With that said I've slowly put 6 of the 17 pounds back on.  It won't be hard to move on up to 10 if I don't do something especially with no exercise for several weeks.  My new clothes are fitting a little tight so I'm feeling it there too.  I'm not about to pass by my pre weight clothes and get to the bigger size I had to buy because it got so bad.  I have to at least get 3 of the 6 off then I'll be comfortable again but ultimately would like to get back down to the total 17.  That gives me a little play room.  Something I definitely don't have now.

I've had a lot of friends offer to come visit after surgery.  Last year I was just got so down in the dumps after and had trouble getting my stimulator to work so I didn't want to see or talk to anyone for sometime.  I'm looking for the visitors this time so give me a ring if your free to come by and visit.  I'll gladly take you up on it.   I'm really looking forward to being released to get in the pool and then I'll stay busy for sure.  I know I've probably said that a million times.  I'm terrible about repeating my self.  

A few people have asked about my hives.  Although they continue to hang around they are so few compared to the previous 3 years when there were plenty every day to deal with.  Since they've returned I get 2-3 once or twice a week that hang around a couple of days.  I can live with that better that what I was dealing with.  Ultimately I'd love from them to go away and STAY away.  

Thank you again to all my readers, new friends I've made and old ones sticking by me.  Sometime in the last couple of days I've reached ten thousand page views.  That just blows my mind.  

I started this blog two weeks before surgery last year.  Here we are a year later and surgery again.  Lets just hope everything goes right this time.  I'm sue Mr. R is tired of hearing from me.   Happy Cinco De Mayo if you celebrate it.  This is the first time in our time together that we didn't go out for mexican dinner on this festive day.  Good night all!

Staying strong....Theresa
   The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.

Frustrated

Do you ever just feel like if you want something done, just do it yourself?  If I could I would.  Friday I decided to call my insurance company to see where we stand with an approval of the reposition of IPG.  I hadn't heard from the surgery center or the insurance person at the PM clinic. My insurance company couldn't seem to find any claims for a pre certification pending or denied from either place. This made my anxiety kick in high gear.  I started not to wait 2 weeks but I figured it would take at least that long so no need to call before.  I was so frustrated and disappointed :-(

After this call I was left feeling very saddened at the fact that two weeks have gone by and according to BC/BS we are still at square one.  I just felt like it was an added two weeks of dealing with this issue that could be avoided.  I want so badly to get this over with and move on.  I know it's not true but I felt like no one really cared.  I called my PM clinic and of course got the answering machine for insurance professional.  I told her what I knew and to please call me back because my insurance company told me under the circumstances they can call in for an approval.  That's another thing that bugged me, I could have had an answer a week ago.  

Next I called the person at the surgery center who would be ordering the new IPG and making sure everything is good to go there.  He wasn't available either.  Good ol voice mail.  Next I vented to Mr. R.  He apparently made some calls and at least got to talk to someone.  He said the person at the surgery center was out of town this week and would be back on Monday.  Mr. R said he'd personally call him and have someone get back with me or he would.

I tried really hard this morning to be patient and just wait for a call.  Then at 11 am it dawned on me that I'd been patient for two weeks and apparently did me no good.  If you want something done, done right....do it yourself.  I called back to both places and voice mail for both.  That can really be frustrating when you've already called once and your call has not been returned.  I don't know what else I can do though.  I can't make them talk to me.  If I don't get a call at all today I plan to just show up there tomorrow.  It may make no difference at all but I will let Doc know about the entire situation.  I also plan to ask help from Mr. R again.  I know he has Doc personal number.  Maybe he can light a fire under someone.  

I guess it really bothers me more than most because I did the very same job when I was working in the dental field.  If we didn't have an answer for a patient we called and got one.  We were human and made mistakes some time but always owned up to it and bent over backward to fix it and make them happy somehow.  To not even acknowledge that I'm waiting for an answer kind of makes me feel like they are just annoyed by my "making work" for them.
I know whats going on, their waiting to call me when they have an answer.  That just don't sit with me.  Call me and tell me where we are and what you've done to get an answer.  

On Saturday D and I took P to the zoo.  He had a good time.  It was a beautiful day.  Sun shinning but nice and cool.  We saw a good part of it but I tired out pretty quick.  After we were back home and P was back with mom Nonna hit the recliner.  I had a pretty good rest then went for a walk.  I haven't been doing much of that with my IPG troubles.  I have been however riding my recumbent bike most nights.  Saturday I covered myself with cream, took a pain pill and jacked up the stimulator.  After a 30 minute walk I actually felt a little better.  Later that evening though I was right back down.  I don't know what bothers me most now.  The IPG or back.  They just blend all together. 

Poppa with P at the zoo!

At 2:30 this afternoon I received a call from person I needed to speak to at surgery center.  He explained he had faxed the pre cert to my insurance the same week I saw Dr. but had no idea they didn't receive it.  Last week when I called him he was in Boston and just got my message this morning.  So he has now resent and states he will call tomorrow and make sure they have it.  He said it shouldn't take more than a couple days to get an answer.  The strange part is he said he just got off the phone with Dr. G and got an update on what's going on with my IPG.  ( I guess that was delay in a return call today)  Why would he have to call the doctor to find out what to request from insurance company if he had already sent it once?  That's odd! Oh well at least I know it's being worked on now.

We leave for our long week end get away Friday.  I'm looking forward to being at the beach and hearing the sound of the waves rolling in.  Reading a good book too.  I just hope I can find a way to get comfortable.  Not looking forward to the drive either.  I have to pay to play though.  

My heart goes out to all the victims and their families in Boston and West, TX.

Praying for peace in their hearts and to not be afraid to go forward with their daily lives. 

Hanging in there....Theresa

God is not so concerned about what we do, but why we do it.