Where do I start?

2 week pictures

Spring pictures of A

Where do I start?  I'm not doing to well and it shows in keeping up with my blog.  I've come to realize when I'm feeling better I tend to "want" to blog.  I've really had a tough time through this hard winter we had this year.   I think about it a lot, and feel like all I will do is complain and who wants to hear that. 

I was reading something in a book about dealing with chronic pain and the writer mentioned to not be afraid to let your friends and family know and help them understand how your feeling.  If you don't, they won't understand your behavior at times.  What happens to "you" is you shut yourself off from everyone.  I watched it happen to me  multiple times even though I've been in therapy for 3 years now.  This blog was meant for reaching people who deal with chronic pain and/or have a SCS.  it was meant to be a pain journal so to speak.  Someplace I could feel comfortable talking about how I feel and how I'm dealing with it.   So here I am back to complain.  I really should continue to do more of it here.  As I get through some tough days I'm angry by the time I arrive home.  Depressed or angry.  I don't know how to stay in the middle.  As I've said many times my husband ends up take the brunt of my release.  

My latest ailments outside of the everyday trials are a flare up of my gastritis/reflux and the bursitis.  In my last post I was feeling so positive that the bursitis was almost gone.  I was feeling very little and was continuing to do the stretches even though I'd been released from OT.  Within weeks it was much better but unfortunately it just moved areas.  I woke up during the night soon after with my upper arm on same side hurting.  The pain was all the way from top of shoulder to my elbow on the back side of the arm.  (tricep area)  Over the last month it has increased to the point I can't lift my arm straight out or past shoulder area.  I decided to just deal with it because I had an appointment coming up with my rheumatologist.  My OT had already told me the PT would be the person to help me with anything above the elbow.  I know Dr. C could give the recommendations and stretches I needed.  I preferred to wait for his advise.  

Meanwhile, during the same time I was waking up every morning with a burning sensation in my stomach.  I was also very nauseous to the point I didn't want to eat anything.  I put up with it for two weeks then decided to go ahead and schedule with my gastroenterologist.  I figured they'd be sending me a card soon since it had been a year since I'd seen him and my Nexium was about to be out of refills.  It just so happened the appointment that was available was the same day as my rheumatologist.  The times worked out perfect.  I really love getting two over with in one day instead of going back to town on another day.  

I saw the gastro doctor first.   He said some people build up a tolerance to reflux medication just like a pain reliever so first thing he wanted me to try something new for the reflux.  Secondly, and sadly, he wants to do another scope to compare the changes to the gastritis.  He was not comfortable with he amount of ibuprofen I'm taking.  I told him I really don't have a choice.  I refuse to increase my pain medication.  I may have a change of heart if my scope shows a big difference but I'm praying it's his first thought. Maybe the Nexium isn't working any longer.  My husband has been taking Nexium for years and never had to change.  His symptoms haven't returned though.  

After leaving there I went straight to see my favorite doctor of all of them.  He is the nicest person in the health care field I have ever seen.  Believe me when I say I've seen a lot.  He always sits and talks with me first.  Then he always does an exam.  How many of your doctors examine you?  Maybe your GP?  My PM doctor or my previous orthopedic doctor who did my fusion never once examined my back.  They all rely on notes and x rays.  Focus, back to topic...he cares about everything else going on, not just my Fibromyalgia.  When we discussed my appointment with gastroenterologist he told me he liked the medication he wanted me to try.  ( I really appreciation his opinions whether I ask or not ) He was really concerned about that issue for me and asked me to come back 3 months instead of 6 so I could update him on the scope results and my decision about the Fibromyalgia medication I'm taking.

During his exam he had me do all kinds of things with my arm.  He conclusion was the bursitis was in my rotator cuff not my arm.  The arm is just where the pain refers to.  The good news, it's in place you just have some bursitis there.  Seriously?  So it just left one area of the arm to another.  I really just thought it was fibromyalgia pain.  He reminded me that for most people the pain level is one number but when you have fibromyalgia it amplifies.  He spent quite some time showing me what stretches to do and gave me a print out with instructions.  We decided I could do this on my own at home instead of returning to PT.

I talked to him about my medication not helping any longer.  He gave me the option of stopping.  Sometime when you have so many other things going on you think something isn't working but if you stop it you can tell it is helping.  He doesn't doubt it's not, but he suggests I get off and see how much different I feel.  The other option is to bump up to two and see if that helps.  Before I could get it out, (my concern of weight gain), he reminded me it put some more weight on me.  Yes, I know.  It already has.  Even though I've continued to stay on WW's it still creeped on.  I'm back to where I was when I started WW's. I had lost 8 pounds when I started the medication.  I can't imagine if I wouldn't have been following a diet where I'd be.  I like that he gives me options and he's truly honest with me on how "he" feels about it.  

I have a close friend who has dealt with elbow and shoulder pain.  I know she really understands where I'm coming from.  If I try and find the good in having the bursitis not leave but move to a different area it is that if I don't use my arm it doesn't hurt.  I wish it was that way with my back.  In some ways I think they are all tied together.  

On to some good things.   This makes week four of watching two of my grandchildren one day a week.  Even though we've never been very far apart life just keeps everyone busy.  For me, if I'm not busy, I'm recovering.  It's been nice to see them on a regular basis.  When P was born I tried really hard in the beginning to see him as often as possible.  I was still working at the time and it seemed to get harder and harder to get it done.  My daughter brought him to see us plenty of the time.  I can remember so many week ends longing to be with him but just couldn't pull myself out of bed to get in the car to go.  

Not only do I love spending the day with them it also makes me very happy to be helping my daughter and son in law.  It's so hard for mom's to go back to work at any age of their children's life.  I believe it's especially hard when you have to leave an infant or even a toddler especially if its not with family.  It's a long day for me, but worth every minute of it.
AJ is smiling at her big brother and he loves her so.  If I'm not sure where something is he can help me out for sure.

Hanging out with sista

2 week old angel

smiling

Five more days until my mom and I set sail for our caribbean getaway.  The closer it gets the more excited I am.  I usually get really nervous about leaving town any method of traveling.  One or two nights before I start thinking of all the reasons I shouldn't go or what could happen while I'm gone.  I've always been anxious about being away from my children.  Now I have my grandchildren I think about and miss. And then there is my baby at home, Dallas.  Of course I will worry about him.  We have a follow up appointment at the vet on Friday so at least I will have an update before I leave.

My mom and I have been off on a short trip together and a longer one with more of the family but never for this length of time just her and I.  We will have plenty of time to catch up, enjoy some great food, entertainment, soak up some sunshine and most importantly just relax. 

Weekend before last A was here for a visit.  She spent Friday night and Saturday with Poppa and Nonna.  On Saturday afternoon I brought her to have some spring pictures taken.  She loves to get dressed up.  After she was done she couldn't wait for her daddy to get there and see her in her beautiful dress and she didn't want to take it off to make sure Aunt B could see "how pretty" (her words) she was.  And I agree.  Take a look for yourself.

I hope to check back in before leaving on Sunday.  If for some reason I don't I will be around soon after to show off some pictures from our trip!  Enjoy the rest of the week.  We will return on the following Sunday.

Until we chat again....remember to have HOPE-Hold on Pain ends

And the countdown begins

A week and four days since I've last written.  As I'm sure you've all been as well, I've been busy. Leading up to Thanksgiving I started feeling better and better as far as the gastritis.  The one time I failed to take the medication an hour before eating it reared it's ugly head and let me know I better make sure I get it done.   I now have an alarm to remind me am and pm.

On the Friday before Thanksgiving I had the honor of going to my grandson's first movie at the big theater.  Sorry, it didn't leave a good enough impression on me to tell you the name but watching P watch the movie was very entertaining.  Mommy got him some popcorn and even if he didn't just love the movie, he sure loved his popcorn.  He sat in his chair through 75% of the movie then he sat with mommy.  I did ok my self.  I made sure I took some pain medicine before we left and I brought along my back cushion.  ( I've had this particular one for at least 6 years I can remember)  I never took it out of my car so it would always be there.  In my joy of the movie ending, I took P's hand and we started down the steps.  Never once thought about my back cushion until being dropped off at my car.  Oh boo, this is not good.  My dear daughter got right on the phone to see if anyone found it or it was in lost and found.  No luck.  Oh well, you live and you learn.  I have others but this one was perfect for the car and bringing it restaurants.

After my daughter dropped me off I had to go inside Albertson's to pick up an RX.  I needed to do a little shopping but between my back and some minor breathing/chest pain I headed right back to the car after paying for the RX.  I could feel a stomach ache coming on also.
Driving to the house I was day dreaming about the movie, P, my ailments and the thought of making it home with this stomach ache.  Not even a quarter of a mile from my house is a middle school that I just cruised through still day dreaming.  I hear this loud scream that I suddenly realize that it was directed at me.  OMG, I'm in front of the school between 2-4! Seriously, I'm so aware of the school and the hours of reduced speed.  I just had a moment, no excuse.  

There was no way to just turn around.  I turned down my street, backed out back on the main hwy and went back.  When I turned in where the state trooper was I apologized and told him I was feeling ill and just lost track of where I was.  I explained that I lived less   than a mile from where we were but before I could even finish he said, "YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THEN".  I mentioned that I could have kept going but I was honest and I came back but he had an answer for that also.  OH I HAD YOU HE SAID, I WOULD HAVE FOUND YOU ANYWAY.  Sitting there waiting seemed liked forever.  Finally he handed me the ugly ticket and I took it with tears in my eyes and headed home with head hanging down.   Darn, I lost my pillow AND I got a ticket.  This stinks!  Oh well, on to Thanksgiving.  I'll deal with it after.  I've yet to call and find out what I owe :-{

D and I did most of our cooking ahead of time.  On Wednesday I made my first pecan pie.  I've done a lot of baking in my day but a pie I had not.  It sure looked good after it cooled down and turned out it taste great too!  I also made some Nutella cookies.  Oh gosh they are so addicting.  Before going to bed I put the broccoli casserole together so it could just be pulled out and baked, then ready to go.   D took care of the turkey.  Started brining several days before and the poor bird was in the oven at 5am.  While it was cooking he made the stuffing.  We loaded the car and went to my daughters home in a small town 25 minutes away.

It was a small quite Thanksgiving.  My mom was with friends.  My brother with his wife's family and my husbands family was spread out visiting out of state relatives.  I've had Thanksgiving at my house for several years now for dinner.  It was nice to come home and my house like I left it and just a small amount of left overs.  Stating that day was the first temptation to go back to bad habits.  Snacking between meals and eating larger meal than my tummy is used to.  I've still been weighing every Monday and until two days after Thanksgiving was under my last weight posted by three pounds.  Now I've broke even so to speak.  Time to get serious again.  I kind of let Thanksgiving pour over into the week end.

My daughter and my wonderful son in law

Poppa carving the bird

P with his turkey shirt

On Friday I went to Lottie and picked up my granddaughter.  She was thrilled to be here.  Non stop talking.  D and I really enjoyed her company even though most of her time was spent taking care of her "babies".  On Saturday morning we met up with Aunt B and cousin P for beignet's at a coffee shop in a "Cajun Village"  It was a nice experience.  A got to spend some time with Aunt B taking pictures while P and I roamed through some stores.

Thanksgiving and Beignets weren't enough A and I had to make oatmeal cookies today.   I better watch it before I get in trouble.  I'm going to be a good girl this week and eat well and make sure I exercise no matter what.

Even though she was not ready to go home, A was happy to see her mommy and maw maw when we finally made it to meet them.  We ran into traffic we were not expecting.  As soon as I approached the interstate boom, dead still.  We crawled until we were over the bridge and reached Hwy 415. 

so tired!

Looking forward to Thursday coming around.  After my appointment with my therapist I'm meeting with Mr. R.  It's been a month since I last meet with him so I'm praying for some success this go around.  If not, well I guess it's time to sit down with the doctor and see what we can do.  I see no point in having this bionic woman implant for no reason.  I've barely used it since I saw Mr. R last. Oct 24.

This coming week full of special days.  Tomorrow my hubby and I's anniversary, Wednesday-Hubby's birthday, Friday-my mom's birthday.  I'll try not to wait so long to write again.  A dear friend checked in on me a week or so back.  She likes quotes like me and ran one by me I needed to hear.  I'll pass it along.

.  "When you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill.

You bet I will. 

Fighting back, Theresa

Always something....

First and foremost please go and exercise your right to vote tomorrow.  This is such an important election.  Not just the Presidential ! 

For the last three weeks I've had this stabbing pain in my stomach on the right side right under my ribs.  It started out mild. I was just noticing it on and off during the day but nothing to even mention.  Week two I said something to my husband and he guessed maybe a pulled muscle.  It's worse when I try to sit or recline.  Lying flat or standing it goes away to where I hardly feel it.  No, it's not gall stones I had that out at age 21.  While they were in there they took out my appendix so it's not that either.  

Last Monday I realized it had been three weeks and maybe I should have it checked.  By Thursday evening it was so intense I emailed my GP my symptoms and asked if I should see her or maybe my gastroenterologist?  She said to come and see her to rule out some other things first then if she didn't have an answer I'd go there.  I knew in the back of my mind she would tell me to come in and see her.  So I got on the web site and made myself an appointment for Monday (today) morning.  I couldn't wait it's making me miserable along with my back.

For some reason my back was particularly worse this week end.  I spent a lot of time in bed.  Between back and the pain in my ribs I didn't even feel like getting on computer or reading.  On Friday night I started having shortness of breath.  I told myself it was just anxiety about the abdominal pain.  I didn't mention to my husband because he thinks I torment myself with worry already.  When we went to bed he could tell that I couldn't catch a good breath.  It was if someone was sitting on my chest.  This added condition just agitated me more.  

Both symptoms continued all week end.  A couple of times to the point that I thought I'd ask my husband to take me to ER.  Especially at night.  It's so much worse at night.  I could just scream right now it's so intense.  I was so confused if one had anything to do with the other.  Of course I got on the internet putting in my symptoms only to add to the apprehension of waiting to find an answer. I found on a medical site that some studies showed a SCS causing gastrointestinal effects severe enough to warrant the discontinuation of stimulator.  The side effects seemed to be due to an autonomic nervous system imbalance created by the stimulation of the spinal cord.  I tried to forget that I read that.

So I saw the GP this am.  I was there an hour and 45 minutes and left with an EKG, Chest x ray and my flu shot.  ( I wanted to add sore arm to my list of complaints).  All ok, so she had two conclusions.  In 08 I had to see a gastroenterologist by request of my ENT because she said she saw signs of reflux in the back of my throat.  So after the visit he ordered a scope and it showed I had a mild hiatal hernia.  Since I had no symptoms he told me he didn't see any reason for me to take medications.  If you start to have symptoms come back and see me and we'll start you on some medications.  With that said, my GP wanted me to make an appointment with him. (that's where I should have went first). 

I have an appointment next week.  She also recommended I discuss the abdominal pain with my back doctor being that I've been having complications with my stimulator.  It's so hard to get in to see him in a decent time frame so I called and talked to his nurse.  She said she'd check with him and ask him if the stimulator could be causing this type of pain and he said yes it could, to come in.  After getting a second opinion with Mr. R I decided I'd wait until I see gastro doctor next week and see what he says.  I don't find the abdominal pain as a symptom on any of sites I read about hernia's on.  I did however read just what the gastroenterologist told me that many people have the condition with no symptoms at all.  I just hope I can stick it out until next Wednesday :-(

He looks so grown up

Isn't he just the cutest grandson ever? I can't believe my grandchildren are three already.  I miss the baby stage.  You don't feel so needed anymore.  They can do most anything on their own now.  

Hanging in there....Theresa

The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.