Where do I start?

2 week pictures

Spring pictures of A

Where do I start?  I'm not doing to well and it shows in keeping up with my blog.  I've come to realize when I'm feeling better I tend to "want" to blog.  I've really had a tough time through this hard winter we had this year.   I think about it a lot, and feel like all I will do is complain and who wants to hear that. 

I was reading something in a book about dealing with chronic pain and the writer mentioned to not be afraid to let your friends and family know and help them understand how your feeling.  If you don't, they won't understand your behavior at times.  What happens to "you" is you shut yourself off from everyone.  I watched it happen to me  multiple times even though I've been in therapy for 3 years now.  This blog was meant for reaching people who deal with chronic pain and/or have a SCS.  it was meant to be a pain journal so to speak.  Someplace I could feel comfortable talking about how I feel and how I'm dealing with it.   So here I am back to complain.  I really should continue to do more of it here.  As I get through some tough days I'm angry by the time I arrive home.  Depressed or angry.  I don't know how to stay in the middle.  As I've said many times my husband ends up take the brunt of my release.  

My latest ailments outside of the everyday trials are a flare up of my gastritis/reflux and the bursitis.  In my last post I was feeling so positive that the bursitis was almost gone.  I was feeling very little and was continuing to do the stretches even though I'd been released from OT.  Within weeks it was much better but unfortunately it just moved areas.  I woke up during the night soon after with my upper arm on same side hurting.  The pain was all the way from top of shoulder to my elbow on the back side of the arm.  (tricep area)  Over the last month it has increased to the point I can't lift my arm straight out or past shoulder area.  I decided to just deal with it because I had an appointment coming up with my rheumatologist.  My OT had already told me the PT would be the person to help me with anything above the elbow.  I know Dr. C could give the recommendations and stretches I needed.  I preferred to wait for his advise.  

Meanwhile, during the same time I was waking up every morning with a burning sensation in my stomach.  I was also very nauseous to the point I didn't want to eat anything.  I put up with it for two weeks then decided to go ahead and schedule with my gastroenterologist.  I figured they'd be sending me a card soon since it had been a year since I'd seen him and my Nexium was about to be out of refills.  It just so happened the appointment that was available was the same day as my rheumatologist.  The times worked out perfect.  I really love getting two over with in one day instead of going back to town on another day.  

I saw the gastro doctor first.   He said some people build up a tolerance to reflux medication just like a pain reliever so first thing he wanted me to try something new for the reflux.  Secondly, and sadly, he wants to do another scope to compare the changes to the gastritis.  He was not comfortable with he amount of ibuprofen I'm taking.  I told him I really don't have a choice.  I refuse to increase my pain medication.  I may have a change of heart if my scope shows a big difference but I'm praying it's his first thought. Maybe the Nexium isn't working any longer.  My husband has been taking Nexium for years and never had to change.  His symptoms haven't returned though.  

After leaving there I went straight to see my favorite doctor of all of them.  He is the nicest person in the health care field I have ever seen.  Believe me when I say I've seen a lot.  He always sits and talks with me first.  Then he always does an exam.  How many of your doctors examine you?  Maybe your GP?  My PM doctor or my previous orthopedic doctor who did my fusion never once examined my back.  They all rely on notes and x rays.  Focus, back to topic...he cares about everything else going on, not just my Fibromyalgia.  When we discussed my appointment with gastroenterologist he told me he liked the medication he wanted me to try.  ( I really appreciation his opinions whether I ask or not ) He was really concerned about that issue for me and asked me to come back 3 months instead of 6 so I could update him on the scope results and my decision about the Fibromyalgia medication I'm taking.

During his exam he had me do all kinds of things with my arm.  He conclusion was the bursitis was in my rotator cuff not my arm.  The arm is just where the pain refers to.  The good news, it's in place you just have some bursitis there.  Seriously?  So it just left one area of the arm to another.  I really just thought it was fibromyalgia pain.  He reminded me that for most people the pain level is one number but when you have fibromyalgia it amplifies.  He spent quite some time showing me what stretches to do and gave me a print out with instructions.  We decided I could do this on my own at home instead of returning to PT.

I talked to him about my medication not helping any longer.  He gave me the option of stopping.  Sometime when you have so many other things going on you think something isn't working but if you stop it you can tell it is helping.  He doesn't doubt it's not, but he suggests I get off and see how much different I feel.  The other option is to bump up to two and see if that helps.  Before I could get it out, (my concern of weight gain), he reminded me it put some more weight on me.  Yes, I know.  It already has.  Even though I've continued to stay on WW's it still creeped on.  I'm back to where I was when I started WW's. I had lost 8 pounds when I started the medication.  I can't imagine if I wouldn't have been following a diet where I'd be.  I like that he gives me options and he's truly honest with me on how "he" feels about it.  

I have a close friend who has dealt with elbow and shoulder pain.  I know she really understands where I'm coming from.  If I try and find the good in having the bursitis not leave but move to a different area it is that if I don't use my arm it doesn't hurt.  I wish it was that way with my back.  In some ways I think they are all tied together.  

On to some good things.   This makes week four of watching two of my grandchildren one day a week.  Even though we've never been very far apart life just keeps everyone busy.  For me, if I'm not busy, I'm recovering.  It's been nice to see them on a regular basis.  When P was born I tried really hard in the beginning to see him as often as possible.  I was still working at the time and it seemed to get harder and harder to get it done.  My daughter brought him to see us plenty of the time.  I can remember so many week ends longing to be with him but just couldn't pull myself out of bed to get in the car to go.  

Not only do I love spending the day with them it also makes me very happy to be helping my daughter and son in law.  It's so hard for mom's to go back to work at any age of their children's life.  I believe it's especially hard when you have to leave an infant or even a toddler especially if its not with family.  It's a long day for me, but worth every minute of it.
AJ is smiling at her big brother and he loves her so.  If I'm not sure where something is he can help me out for sure.

Hanging out with sista

2 week old angel

smiling

Five more days until my mom and I set sail for our caribbean getaway.  The closer it gets the more excited I am.  I usually get really nervous about leaving town any method of traveling.  One or two nights before I start thinking of all the reasons I shouldn't go or what could happen while I'm gone.  I've always been anxious about being away from my children.  Now I have my grandchildren I think about and miss. And then there is my baby at home, Dallas.  Of course I will worry about him.  We have a follow up appointment at the vet on Friday so at least I will have an update before I leave.

My mom and I have been off on a short trip together and a longer one with more of the family but never for this length of time just her and I.  We will have plenty of time to catch up, enjoy some great food, entertainment, soak up some sunshine and most importantly just relax. 

Weekend before last A was here for a visit.  She spent Friday night and Saturday with Poppa and Nonna.  On Saturday afternoon I brought her to have some spring pictures taken.  She loves to get dressed up.  After she was done she couldn't wait for her daddy to get there and see her in her beautiful dress and she didn't want to take it off to make sure Aunt B could see "how pretty" (her words) she was.  And I agree.  Take a look for yourself.

I hope to check back in before leaving on Sunday.  If for some reason I don't I will be around soon after to show off some pictures from our trip!  Enjoy the rest of the week.  We will return on the following Sunday.

Until we chat again....remember to have HOPE-Hold on Pain ends

Another down 2 to go

A little more progress!  I'm now at the point WW's says I've met my goal.  My real goal is 130 but according to them 132 is my "safe weight" goal.  I'm ok with where I'm at, but I'd like to get there so I can splurge a little over the holidays.

Friday I saw my pain management doctor.  We had a good talk about how things are going.  I asked him if and when my elbow is better if I can try some needling on my back.  He said it would be ok as long as she stays away from the leads going from spine to battery.  He said they should talk first.  When I go for my OT appointment this week I will discuss with the PT who does it and see if she will call him.  

My back pain seems to be increasing lately.  I think it's the weather.  If there is some chance this will help I'm willing to try anything.  Even if it's temporary.  It would be nice to have a little relief over Christmas.  

Now I can't seem to put anything in my buggy without looking for trans fat or Tertiary Butylhydroquinone.  Commonly called TBHQ.  TBHQ is a preservative which is made from butane.  It's used to delay the onset of rancidness and greatly effects the storage life of food.  You can find a lot of information just by googling "TBHQ"  You will find people who disagree but I think there is enough evidence to stay away as much as possible.  I don't think I can completely avoid it but I surely plan to try.  Here are a couple things I found in my pantry.

red bean seasonings 

crackers

I mentioned last week that D got my tree down and put together for me.  It's all arranged and has been plugged in every night.  Other than that it's just there.  My daughter and grandson came to visit Saturday.  We were going to decorate but never got around to it. We spent some time outside then had lunch.  B even did some sewing for me while here.  There is never a dull moment with P around.  A good laugh and a lot of questions!

I'm so proud of my daughter.  She is quite the homemaker.  She has already made the new baby a blanket, outfits and some crochet for her hair.  That girl can accomplish anything she puts her mind to.  I can't seem to get past the dishcloth with my crocheting.  

finding ways to entertain himself!

fixing my favorite shorts

My granddaughter was supposed to come too but she became sick during the week so it was best for her to stay near her doctor.  I got to ichat with her last night.  We read some books and she sang some songs for me.  Thank goodness for technology.  Her grandmother there where she lives sent some pictures to share with me. Her preschool went to a pumpkin patch.  Appears they had a grand time.

shared by "Maw Maw" :-)

 I have actually bought a few Christmas presents. I saved the toy ad and both of my grandkids have circled toys they would like for Santa to bring them. This is a big help for Nonna.  I'll bring it with me and hopefully that shopping trip will be successful too!

I can't believe Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away.  I'm already getting anxiety about being prepared.  It will all be fine and I have to remember that.

It's getting late.  I'm closing to try and get some rest tonight.  I've been having trouble sleeping through the night with my back and arm hurting together.  It's been slow but I can finally say I'm showing signs of improvement.  I've increased my number of reps the OT has me doing at home. The majority of the pain is at night again.  

Ha, I just completely forgot to hit publish. I signed on today to read some of the blogs I follow and see my post in drafts.  Felt like I needed to explain why the days may not make sense!
Have an awesome week.  Watching DWTS can't wait to see who wins next week.

Not giving up H.O.P.E.
Theresa

BACK SAVERS

Bend at your hips not at your waist.

Avoid lying on your stomach.

Lift heavy objects no higher than your waist.

Sit down to put on socks, shoes, pants--don't bend over

Get down on one knee before picking up

a small child or infant from the floor.

When reading, don't bend your neck or shoulders --bring

your book up to your eyes by placing two pillows on your lap 

and propping the book on top of them.

Home Sweet Home

I believe coming home is the hardest part of vacation.  Your never ready to leave and you have to pack your things anyway. Then you all ways come home with more than you left with.  Right away I started planning Saturday when we started home Friday evening so I could rest on Sunday.  1/3 into the ride home I was so uncomfortable I literally didn't think I could make it.  My stimulator was so high it was nerve racking.  When we stopped for something to eat I was like a robot getting out of the truck.   

When we made it in I was never so happy to get out of an automobile.  Between the packing and loading to leave, unloading when home and I think the biggest culprit was the rain.  Something we had not seen in a week in FL.
That's very typical of how it starts too.  About 6-7 hours before the weather gets here.  I didn't sleep worth a flip even though I was thrilled to be back in my bed.  

On Saturday I hardly did anything.  My back was so sore.  It was different than my "normal" pain.  I felt like I'd been beat with a board.  I took an epson soak and did a little laundry.  Other than that I stayed on the heating pad and in bed most of the day.  Thank goodness I felt a little better on Sunday because I really needed to go grocery shopping and finish up around here.  Of course there is the huge stack of mail when you return to go through.  Blah...

open and sorted

I did find one thing very exciting in this stack of mail.  The hundred dollar check that I was promised for doing the Television study.  Nothing like coming home from a week off and finding some extra money!

I was determined to cook Sunday.  Maybe even two things.  I just love having supper already done for a couple of nights during the week.  By the time I went to Sam's and Wal Mart I was hungry and tired.  I had lunch, a rest on the heating pad then back at it.   I started a pot of red beans and decided I really wanted some chili.  I like for it to get cold but I'd been craving some for a couple of weeks.  

I've always cooked my chili from scratch the same way.  Being on Weight Watchers I knew I'd have to do some work to figure out the points or I could use a recipe already calculated, tried and rated.  It was different than my chili but I absolutely loved it.  5 points for a cup.  Some 2 point Mexican WW's cheese, and 1 pt worth of light sour cream on top and it was off the hook!!
My son stopped by on his way home from work to get a bite to eat and gave it a star rating also.  I liked it enough I'd cook it that way again WW's or not.  Matter of fact, I usually like to skip a night between left overs.  I didn't mind at all having again tonight.  It's red beans tomorrow night!

I bought a huge pack of chicken Sunday to make Chicken tortilla soup.  Another favorite when fall sets in.  It freezes so well and so easy to make.  Those are two big factors for me if I'm going to cook a "big" batch.  I have an appointment with my psychologist and the OT tomorrow.  After I get home I'll get that soup going. I love this season, but not the switch of warm to cold then back and forth.  It's really hard on the joints.  

On Wednesday evening I'm having dinner with my group of friends that meet regularly.  I'm glad we're getting it in before the holidays.  I'm pretty sure the last time we got together was in May.  It's amazing it such a short period of time so much there is to talk about.  I'll have to talk fast.  It's the first night of the world series.  #redsox  #bostonstrong

I'm not sure If I mentioned or not I bought some Coconut Oil a few months ago.  I'd seen on Dr. Oz that it was good for many uses and I wanted to try for a particular use.  I had to research to find a good brand now I'm seeing it every where.  Even Sam's has a huge container of it.  Like the size you would get powder detergent in.  I don't need that much Coconut oil.  LOL.  Here are some uses.

1. It's great for your skin so slather it on.  I've been putting it around my heels at night before going to bed but any where is great.  Also great for your cuticles, dry knees or elbows.
2. Massage oil.  Why not?  You need the oil anyway so why not use something that smells great and is good for your skin if your giving your partner a massage.
3. Removes even the hardest mascara to take off.  Much better than using something with a lot of chemicals.
4. Lip balm
5. Frizz Fighter for your hair.
6. In the kitchen same as you would use EVVO.  It adds flavor to your recipe.  Yes, I've tried it.  
7. Popping pop corn
8. Making your own granola or nut butter.
9. Roasting vegetables
10. Replace vegetable oil for baking.  Everyone will want your recipe.
11. Nipple cream for breast feeding moms.  It's all natural so it's safe for nursing mothers to use.
12. As a sexual lubricant or vaginal dryness.

I could go on and on but you can look your self and find many more.  These are some I've tried myself.  Regarding the last one, things you buy Rx or over the counter really have chemicals in them you really don't want to absorb in your body.  Especially on a regular basis.  I can tell you I've paid a pretty penny for a prescription for estrogen cream that didn't work near as well as this does.  Check with your doctor first if your concerned.   

The brand I bought

Have a great week!  I plan to give it my best because I have H.O.P.E.
Theresa

Faith

I believe in the sun, even though it doesn't shine.

I believe in love, even when it isn't shown.

I believe in God, even when he doesn't speak.

Found on the wall of a concentration camp

A time for reflection

It's been an absolute amazing week.  Despite my aches and complaints D and I have throughly enjoyed this beach trip.  We're at a new place this time.  It's always nerve racking when you go to a new place you've never been until you see for yourself.  I'm a review reader, but you can't always believe everything you read.  Good or bad.

We had a safe trip here.  After checking in we got our grocery shopping done.  How convenient, a Sam's and a Wal Mart right next to each other just like at home.  It never fails, we over buy or under buy scared we'll have to much and have to find room to tote it home.

Not this time.  Perfect planning my friends.  Over supper we agreed that we shopped perfectly.  We have breakfast and lunch for tomorrow which is exactly what we need.

There is a beautiful view of the bay here.  Right on the docks a lovely place for grilling outside.  We had steaks on Tuesday night.  Nothing like cooking outdoors and watching the sunset.  Last night we went out to dinner and had another fabulous view while enjoying supper.  There were ducks everywhere right outside the window of our table.  We also enjoyed watching the sun set again for a second night.

We had a safe trip here.  After checking in we got our grocery shopping done.  How convenient, a Sam's and a Wal Mart right next to each other just like at home.  It never fails, we over buy or under buy scared we'll have to much and have to find room to tote it home.

Not this time.  Perfect planning my friends.  Over supper we agreed that we shopped perfectly.  We have breakfast and lunch for tomorrow which is exactly what we need.

D grilling supper

Sunset at resort

There is a beautiful view of the bay here.  Right on the docks a lovely place for grilling outside.  We had steaks on Tuesday night.  Nothing like cooking outdoors and watching the sunset.  Last night we went out to dinner and had another fabulous view while enjoying supper.  There were ducks everywhere right outside the window of our table.  We also enjoyed watching the sun set again for a second night.

Our normal little ritual is to hit the beach around 9-9:30.  Around 1-1:30 we come back and have lunch then back around 3.  After that we just stay based on our evening plans or what our stomachs decide for us.  Mainly me, I have to pack several small healthy snacks to make it through the morning and the afternoon.  D can go all day with a hearty breakfast.  Today we were especially enjoying the evening and ended up staying until sunset.  With a decent crowd during the day, leaving with just a hand full of people left.   3 days in row enjoying daylight end.   Now we could watch the sunset at home.  I can't tell you the last time we just stopped and watched the sun go down together.  

To the East @ 5:50

To the West @ 5:50, amazing difference

I've done well with my eating choices.  I really don't like saying "my diet" because I really mean eating right again.  My WW's tracker has been nagging me since Wednesday to enter in my weight.  Ha, I left the scale at home.  It will have to wait.  I know I've done ok though.  On Tuesday I was splurging since it was the end of the WW's week for me and I had plenty bonus points and all my activity points left.   It's been a relaxing busy so for me it reduces my temptations. 

I've walked 5 days in a row on the beach and plan to make it tomorrow morning also.  I wish I could do it in the morning at home.  Not as painful and I like that it's over and done. This couldn't be possible without my stimulator.   D has walked with me every other day.  Nothing like having your spouse sweat it out with you!  I had to be mindful of not swinging my left arm back and forth.  Except for swimming I never manage any type of exercise 5 days in a row.  
Another reason I'm feeling positive about step on the scale when I return home. 
They actually have a heated pool here but we've spent 85% of our time at the beach. 

On my mornings walks alone I've had a lot of time for reflection and soul searching.  There are many things going on in my life right now and my choices are crucial.  In the beauty of walking the beach, things just don't seem quite so bad.  Somethings need to be dealt with and some need to just be let go....and let GOD.  

They really aren't concerned they are in your way!

I've had a couple of good days with my arm and a couple of not so good.   I've also had a really bad one that went into the night.  It kept me awake most of it.  A sharp dull pain deep in my elbow.   Bursitis stinks!  Thank goodness it finally calmed down.  Beats me what caused it to "flare" the way it did.  I've followed all my OT's instructions, including stretches and wearing both braces at all possible times.  ( I have pictures to prove it )  I don't think I'm going back next Tuesday with my arm any better, but hopefully with a better attitude.   One can only deal with so much.  

4:30 today

D and I went to the outlet mall in Destin yesterday.  He had several things on his shopping list.  He got them all but one I might add.  I met a lady in one of the shops that asked about my braces.  She had a feeling because she'd been there, done that.  After 3 years she had surgery to repair and she said she was so glad she did.  It was simple and easy and changed her life.  Oh, to hear those words.  What I longed the outcome of my back surgery to be.  Again with my stimulator surgery.  Hearing her say that made my stomach churn because I pray that's not what my injury comes down to.  I have a bad taste in my mouth for any kind of surgery.  

I've had fun writing notes to my grandkids, friends and husband in the sand.  I have a friend really having a hard time right now.  I know the place she is in.  It's no fun.  When I was really struggling last year she text me almost every other day.  Just hello, or I'm here.  It meant so much and some time I couldn't even respond.  One day she just told me, "I'm coming over there."  "What do you want for lunch?"  Despite my saying "I'm not up to it"  She came.  It's time for me to do the same.  I don't like what I'm hearing, or not hearing back.  However, I did get a response from my picture and for that I felt hopeful. 

I sure miss my babies 

For D, right after I took first one I caught wave coming on the second

 

I hope this made her smile

All good things must come to an end.  I really want to just stay here.  With little to do and no stress at all I have felt better than I have in some time.  My husband would probably not agree but he doesn't understand "pain" vs "PAIN"  lol  God Bless him.   We have a lot to look forward to when returning home.  My grandson's birthday party is coming up.  Thanksgiving, our Anniversary, D's bd, my Moms 70th bd, D's moms bd, Christmas and then.......grandchild number 3.  That dear readers, is the best wait of all.  A new life begins.  A new chapter for Nonna.  My daughter and her husband love their son so much.  I'm just so excited for my daughter to have a daughter of her own.  I think maybe just maybe when she arrives I will try and stop referring to A and P as my "babies".

 I used to tell her when she was little that when she grew up and had children I hope she had a little girl who was just like her.   Now you can take that how you want it.  It was meant "both" ways!  I love both my children the same.  No doubt.  But, a mothers love for her daughter is just different.  Especially when she only has one.  A bond no one can break or come between.  Her and I have been through a lot together.  Things that would surprise you.  I'll just say we both have endured an equal hardship that cuts deep.  We're better mothers, daughters and spouses because we survived.  It's not how I want the bond with her daughter to form but it is the "kind" of bond I want them to have.  

Have FAITH, have HOPE (hold on pain ends),
Theresa

Hold On Pain Ends <3

Beautiful as usual