I need a break!

From what you might ask?  From this flare up that started the day after the 4th of July.  That particular week end was terrible.  We had the threat of rain or rain everyday until the week end passed.   The barometric pressure highly determines my day.   My husband was off from Thursday until Monday and all of this time with him home I felt like doing absolutely nothing.
I scared him at one point when I let it get to me and went on one of my "feel sorry for me" binges.  Why me?  Why can't I feel normal just one day?  Please...just one.   I want to remember what it feels like.  I told him I couldn't take it any more and he completely took it wrong.  I meant I couldn't take pretending like I'm fine and I've learned to deal with it.  

I have learned to deal with it.  A long time ago.  I also learned that if you can't just let go and stop pretending sometime you'll go nuts.  If you go nuts your doctor will put you on medication.  In my case, increase my medication.  I had a mad fit, a good cry, 2 pain pills and crawled in bed and found something funny to watch.  I tried not to feel guilty about being in bed or lashing out.  By the time the program was over, I felt the "edge" reduced and not so sad and angry any longer.

Why haven't I written?  I really have no excuse.  Well, maybe the one I use last time about the program I'm watching.  Now on season 6 episode 9 and I'm going to really be sad when I'm done.  I have one season left after this one.  Ok, so back to not writing,  A dear friend text last week wondering and I quote, "Ok enough already! I keep checking your blog everyday for an update :-(  I apologized and filled her in that I was having a rough time and figured I'd just complain.  She said that was what she was thinking.  Either I was doing really good or really bad.  None the less knowing she was thinking about me helped.   Then there was the text at the end of the week asking, "Is my page not reloading or have you not posted since June 27th?"  Your page is reloading fine.  I have no real excuse.  I will get past this flare up.  Then I have the friend who checked in and said, "Go ahead and complain, we're listening:-)"

You see my readers, I have the best friends in the world.  They all still want to hear from me good or bad.  That is one of the many things that give me strength to keep fighting and not giving up and crawl in bed to quit the fight.  Trust me, I want to do it on many days.  Especially these last 4.

4th of July Good food and great friends

I remember last summer at the hottest point, humidity high with chances of rain all the time making it tough.  I told myself it was worse than winter.  In the winter I always say its worse in the summer.  I've been riding my bike and swimming.  That's about it.  It's been a couple of weeks or longer since I've had a good walk.  Your going to be hearing from me regularly again because after this week end I will start the Weight Watchers program over.  Yes readers that 17 pounds you cheered me through last year is BACK ON.  All but 6 of them.  I don't know what I'm waiting for?   I guess to hit the 17 mark back so it can be even harder.  
Any one want to join me?

Along with the added pain on top of the chronic "failed back surgery syndrome" my hives are determined to make me miserable.  I know, give it up.  They aren't going away.  I'm not giving up hope that the will some day.  I guess they like showing up to visit when my back is flared up.  This isn't the best pictures but it gives you an idea starting in block one in the am
and how it gets larger and larger as the day goes on.  I can feel them before they even expose themself.

last week

Monday

I'm getting tired and falling a sleep while trying to finish this.  I haven't slept the last few nights with some particular nasty hives, no relief from this back flare up and kkkkkkkkka cut on my pinky that is healing so slowkkkkkkkkkkkk. ( That's what you get when your drifting off and won't give up.  I started @ 11:00 and it's now 2 am.  I wake up and my finger has typed its self!)   I'll be back to finish tomorrow after my therapy session.

I'm back.  It's Tuesday afternoon and I should be able to stay awake to finish lol.  I've returned from seeing my therapist and stopping at a few stores so I need a rest.  I'm not getting up until I'm done here!

This week end we have some friends coming from out of town for the week end.  I'm trying to slowly each day get a few things done around here that I've put off because of the way I've been feeling.  The gentleman is a longtime college friend of my husbands.  They go way back and he has been coming to stay for the week end to visit long before I was in the picture.  I started in the guest room.  I have a habit of putting things in there until I "feel like"
taking care of them if I'm having a bad day.  I finally got a new bed set and found a topper for the current curtains that match new comforter.  I love when things like that work out.  

My nephew is in town visiting his dad, stepmom and siblings this week.  He lives out of state and its a rare occasion if we get to see him when he is here. (my immediate family)  He is 16 now and I'm not sure he was a teenager last time we saw him.  My sister in law asked about them all coming Sunday so he could see us and of course us see him.  I'm really excited about it.  I'm anxious about the busy week end and how I will feel by Monday.  I'll make it but know it will take some recouping after.  

The last time they came (fathers day)  we had such a great time.  It was so hot outside but we didn't let it stop us.  My husband grilled and he put up a tent topper to provide some shade.  As of yesterday we now have a patio cover AND a fan under there so it will be much cooler this visit.  

My regret is that my granddaughter can't be here.  My son met with her mom last week and Thursday he will see his daughter for the first time since Christmas day.  I'm so excited for him and A.  I hope it all goes well for all three of them.  He has taken so many steps forward and this one will surely encourage more of them.  It will take some time before her mom is ready for A to spend alone time with her daddy so it is not an option to have both here on Sunday to see my nephew and family.   I'd really like my son to be here.  Being with family is so good for him and my brother and his wife were there for him during some of his "bad" days.  They really enjoyed seeing him doing so great last time they were here.  As well as my mom.  Unfortunately if one comes the other can't.  Not the end of the world, I know.  Every thing takes time.  

It just always seems when A is here nothing is going on.  My daughter always does her best to get here with P so she can see some of her family here.  It's just fell like that recently that when family is here she isn't .  A hasn't seen my mom or my brothers family in a very long time.  I'd love for her to be able to participate in the fun we will have.  She loves the pool now and is very comfortable.   Next month is her birthday.  She's so excited about that.  I can't believe her and P both will soon be 4 years old.  I also can't believe I'll have another grandchild soon and P will be a "big brother".

very involved with "Daniel" 

girl loves to pose :-)

I know I already promised to write more.  I definitely will.  I have so much to share but don't want to bore all in one post.  Honestly I can't sit and type that long anyway.  I'm starting my diet back on Monday too.  You guys are my inspiration and knowing I have to post my weight up there every Monday holds me accountable.  Some may be short but I'll be back.

I hope all my pain friends who stay in touch with me are feeling some relief right now.   Your emails, posts and comments always encourage me to stay strong.  

Filled with H.O.P.E. (hold on pain ends)
Theresa