Dallas, my canine best friend

If you follow my blog you know Dallas has been having a tough year.  We nursed him through a surgery to have a mass removed from his stomach in 2012.  It was a long healing.  Due to the nature of where it was he just seemed to take so long to heal and stop bleeding.  We went back in with him on three different occasions.

This past summer he starting having some problems with wetting inside (the house) suddenly.  We had him checked out and they suspected a bladder stone.  It was confirmed with an x ray.   Our veterinarian recommended if we wanted to try antibiotics first it may dissolve on it's on.  She put him on a special diet (food and snacks) and we waited.  After he finished the antibiotic he was still having trouble controlling his bladder and we were now spotting blood in his urine. 

At this point she (our veterinarian) decided we should go ahead with the surgery.  It was definitely easier as far as recovery but at his first post op check I let her know things just weren't right still.  He was still struggling to make it outside.  Dallas has always made it all day, sometime up to 10-12 hours without going out.  He wasn't even making it for 6 hours.

We tried switching back to his other food now that the stone was gone.  The special diet food makes them very thirsty causing them to drink a lot of extra water.  She thought maybe that was causing the problem.

After discussing with the male veterinarian on another follow up visit he recommended we try an incontinent medication.  After a couple of weeks of being on it everything seemed to be back to normal and we realized Dallas was nearing 10 years old and he'd likely be on this medication for the rest of his dog years.  

Then one fall day on a evening walk we noticed some blood in his urine again.  Oh wow, not again.  It didn't just go away like we hoped and the accidents inside started again.  We took him in and they took an x ray.  No stone.  Yeah, good news.  But what?  The veterinarian put him back on the special dog food and an antibiotic and we crossed our fingers.  It seemed to get better but right towards the end of the medication it seemed to come back stronger.  We called in asking for another round but of course they wanted to see him.  They recommended he have some blood work done.  On the Friday after AJ was born while I was at her home visiting, D took Dallas in for his blood work.

She called me last Tuesday evening and said some crystals showed up in his bladder which could be a sign of a stone but could also be a tumor.  She didn't really like the way his little bladder felt and decided our next step should be an ultrasound.  She wanted me to schedule it on a day that both her and Dr. Tony was there so the could get together on his case.  She had been treating him through this latest issue but he does all the ultrasounds.  Between their schedules and ours today was the day for it to work out.  

On our way to the vet

It was pretty chilly outside and he was shaking all the way there even under his blanket.  He's so nosey.  He wanted to stay under the blanket but he had to pop out now and then and see where we were going.   I've never been worried or scared for him with either surgery he had.  For some reason today, I was exceptionally nervous for him.  Puzzled why they couldn't give us an answer of what was going on with him.  I felt very uncomfortable when I left him and it was sad, he was crying when I left.  He never does that.

where we going mom?

While I was at home waiting I had the must uncomfortable feeling in my gut.  I can't explain it, I just knew we were not going to get good news.  Something simple wouldn't be so hard to find.  I found my self missing him following me around and not having to remember to leave the gate closed.  One thing I didn't miss was getting him outside twice an hour and cleaning up blood drips here and there that he can't help.  

4:30 rolled around and I hadn't heard anything.  I called at 5 and asked why I hadn't heard anything.  They said I should get a call before 5 to come back and pick him up.  The receptionist called back at 5:15 and she said to come on to office and Dr. Gretchen would talk to me when I got here.  I asked did they get any answers with the ultra sound and she said Dr. Gretchen prefers to discuss with you in person.  I called D.  I knew it must be bad news if they wouldn't say anything over the phone.  I wanted him to meet me there on his way home in case it was.

We had to wait about 25 minutes.  It was such a long time.  She called us in and start saying she was sorry right away.  I read her face it said it all.  The ultrasound showed what looked like to her as a tumor.  She was pretty matter of fact about it.  She said she wanted our permission to send to LSU for a second opinion from a radiologist there.  "What else could it be we asked?" It could be a stone, an unusual one if it is because it doesn't feel like one when I check him with my hands or on the xray.  She said in her opinion it was most likely a cancerous mass.  Could it be removed?  She couldn't say.  That's what she is hoping LSU will tell her.  In his little body there is not much room in the bladder so removing it is probably out of question, but a biopsy maybe.  I took her pretty seriously.  D said I wasn't thinking positive and didn't hear her clear about having LSU confirm her suspensions.  

I heard her clear.  I don't think a veterinarian would tell you the worst unless she was trying to prepare you for it.  I asked her if it for sure is a tumor what next?  Our two options were to keep him comfortable with a steroid medication.  As the tumor grows he will be less able to control bladder and there will be more blood.  She said his need to go more often is because as it gets bigger he can't hold it because the tumor takes up some of his room.  He will start to get uncomfortable and we can give him pain medications.   By this time I'm crying.  D thinks I'm over reacting.  He kept saying, "we don't know yet".  I still asked the questions.  How long will be live if this is indeed whats wrong.  She couldn't say for sure but suspected 3-4 months.  Give or take a month.  Now I'm overwhelmed.  No way.  I knew something was wrong.  I wanted so bad to be mad at her but she was just so nice about it and kept saying she was sorry.  I could see in her eyes that she didn't feel we would find anything different.  D still wanted to know option 2.  She could send us to see an Oncologist for treatment options.  She said they would do a consultation to tell us what might or might not work.  Dr. Gretchen pointed out that this kind of treatment is very hard for some humans and definitely would be hard on Dallas and our pocket book but we could certainly make the decision when the time came.  

Then I asked when will we know?  She said sometime they are very busy and it could take up to 3 days but sometime they are slow and call back the same day.  She asked me to call her if I hadn't heard from her by Friday.  You bet I will.  I cried all the way home.  Poor Dallas just whined with me.  He is very sensitive to your feelings as most dogs are and he was very bothered by my sadness.  D stayed behind to pay the bill and when he came in after us he asked me to not take everything so seriously and to wait and see what LSU says.  I didn't hear her say, "I don't know what it is and I need their help".  I heard her say, "I want a second opinion that it is indeed a bladder tumor".  I really don't think she would have answered all my questions so truthfully if she wasn't pretty sure of what was wrong with him.

 I'm trying to remain positive but it's hard.  Being negative is what has kept me away from my blog.  I've been having quite a few pity parties by myself as soon as I can't get alone.  In the bathroom after D goes to bed.  After he leaves to workout or where ever he is going.  Sometime I can't hold it together when he is here.  I try hard not to break down to much around him because he has to hold everything together now.  I'm no help at all.  Poor man never know what he will find when he returns home at the end of the day.  Either I'm crying because I'm hurting or I'm angry.  I'm angry about my pain, but I take it out on him as some other issue that is really not important.  He knows that because he will ask me.  Are you hurting today?  I give him that "are you serious look" that means I'm hurting everyday.  Do you mean, Is it a 10 day?  God Bless him, I couldn't put up with me.  I really couldn't.  

With all this said, when I come in and I'm hurting and all I want to do is get to the heating pad Dallas is there to greet me the same way every day.  He doesn't care if I scold him, talk sweet to him or shoo him out the door for wetting the floor.  He is still so happy to see me.  Runs to the gate with his blanket still on to have a pet on the head.  That little moment makes me push a few minutes more to let him out, feed him, love him or whatever is necessary before I take care of me.  Just like a child, they come first most times.  If he will only be with us a short time longer I will love those moments even more than I do now if thats possible.

Dallas is such a big part of D and ours relationship.  Almost like a child.  My children gave Dallas to me for Christmas as a puppy in 2004.  D and I married in 2005.  We've joked about how it's easy to keep up with our anniversary years because of Dallas.  Just one more year than his age.  He will be 10 in October.  We will celebrate 9 years of marriage in November.

Everyday that I put my feet on the floor and make myself get dressed and go it's a good day.  I can tell you I don't want to do it.  I'd rather, and it would be much easier, if I just stayed in bed.  To bad I can't make my brain work like Dallas and just be happy all the time no matter what. :-)

Full of H.O.P.E. 

Theresa

***a note that I wrote this very late Tuesday night and am to sleepy to proof so the todays mean Tuesday.  Not Wednesday.  I think Dallas and I will commit to just being lazy around here on this rainy day we are supposed to have and I will just let him sit or sleep where every he wants.  It's his day, King for a day!

Meet A J

8lbs 14ozs 21in of Gods love for us





 

Let me start by apologizing for being away so long.  Today will not be anything about me, but about our newest bundle of joy.  My next post I'll update you on what's been going on with my "ailments".  They are a big part of what's kept me away from my blog.  Thank you to friends and followers who have emailed and messaged me to check on me and why I haven't been blogging.  

Friday January 24th was a very high anxiety day for me.  To start the weather conditions here in Baton Rouge were not normal for us.  We had freezing numbers with some precipitation and that equaled a mess for people who are not used to driving in these conditions.  

I had appointments for OT (the elbow) and PT (the back).  At the same time as my second appointment my daughter was at the doctor having a follow up ultrasound.  Baby girl wasn't moving satisfactory to doctor's liking on the Tuesday before.  She wasn't going to let B go another week without rechecking.  I was a nervous wreck while there at therapy.  The weather had my pain scale up and I was fretting the weather outside.  Everyone coming in after me said it was only getting worse and the car windows were icing over within their visit. That told me mine was for sure since I had already been there an hour and a half.  

I had plans to have my granddaughter who lives out of town to come for the week end because we all knew that my daughter would be delivering any time now.  I figured it was her last time to come for a few weeks since Nonna would be helping out with my "new" granddaughter.  Her maw maw and I had been watching the weather and texting back and forth before my appointment.  It wasn't looking good.  The interstate closed then a bridge for her and myself that had to be crossed closed.  

With all of this going on I was a nervous wreck and had both of my therapist worrying over me.  They are the greatest.  If you live here in Baton Rouge and need PT please let me give you there information.  This is my second go around there and I've been other places and there is no comparison.  The entire office including the front office is full of compassion.

I got a text from B saying AJ passed her movement test but barely.  She was not waiting to see the doctor which was not in the plans so of course we both worried briefly.  Shortly after she text me back and said they would be inducing on the Monday.  January 27th.  It hit me, we now know her birthday.  January 27th 2014.  

I got the sad face from my daughter on her text.  She wanted to go into labor on her own.  She had to be induced with P which made her labor harder and of course being your first it took so long.  She really wanted to deliver natural but it just wasn't in the cards for P.  Now with this news I'm sure that was the meaning of the sad face.   Pitocin induced contractions are different from your body's natural contractions , in strength and effect.  I'm sure that flashbacks were already in her mind of P's long hard labor ending with an epidural.  

When I was ready to leave therapy one of the aids had to walk me all the way to my car because the parking lot was iced over.  If I hadn't held on to this strong gentlemen it would have been like trying to ice skate to my car and I KNOW I wouldn't have made it.  Both my front and back windshield had iced over.  I sat for awhile with defrost on and thankfully was on my way slowly out the parking lot soon after.  

I talked to A's Maw Maw on the way home to update her on B and we discussed meeting in the morning.  Still no way to meet, due to iced bridges and closed interstate.   We did get to meet up later Saturday morning.  Although still very cold the rain cleared and the sun melted the ice.  She was one happy little girl to know that even if for a shorter time she could spend some time with Nonna and Poppa.  She was very curious about Aunt B and how she was. When was baby girl coming?  She loves her cousin P but very excited about having a girl cousin.  A has already planned what she wants to teach baby girl when she meets her.  A understood that at her next visit her new cousin would be here and Nonna promised her she would get to visit.  

A with her friend A2

6:30am Monday rolled around fast.  Once I got word she was settled in a room I headed to the hospital.  I'm grateful I live very close to the Womans Hospital.  During her stay I made some drives to and from hospital on icy roads.  When I arrived they were starting her Pitocin and her pains started quickly.  It was so hard as her mother to watch her go through the labor pains once they got really intense.  At one point I couldn't help cry for her.  I just laid across her bed and prayed for things to move along quickly.  Myself, her mother in law, baby girls Nannie and of course her supporting husband were with her too.

Thankfully things moved along quickly.  Well, easy for me to call quickly but compared to P it was.  By 10:30 she was at a 9.  They called the doctor in, nurses started scrambling and B was in transition.  No turning back, she did it!  A calm came over her for a short period then a few pushes, along with such pain in her face it scared me, and baby AJ was here. 

Minutes before delivery

We were all in awe over our new pretty big, blessing.  After daddy cut the cord they gave her straight to my daughter.  I can't begin to try and tell you how it felt to see my daughter hold her first girl skin to skin immediately after birth.  She was beautiful even without being cleaned up. 

This was the second time I witnessed the miracle of birth.  I can never thank my daughter enough for letting us be a part of it.  She was such a champ.  Hearing her tell the story to visitors after you could tell how worth it it was for her to deliver natural.  She had experienced both and said she would do it natural again if they were to have another.  I told her I'm a little scared how fast it may go on third child.  She didn't even look like she had a baby several hours later.  My daughter is very blessed to have a wonderful husband and a very loving and helpful mother in law.  It was just as hard for her to see B in pain.  We were just so happy for her in the end that she was able to accomplish her goal.  

Right before they unwrapped her for B

B had the normal 48 hour stay.  AJ gave us a scare in the early morning the next day. (Tuesday)  She ended up in the transition nursery, then on to NICU from there.  She definitely gave my daughter something to write about in her book.  B knew just what do, didn't panic and called for help right away.  I just regret for her that she had to experience the scare alone. 

My daughter was released Wednesday evening but AJ had to stay another night so mom stayed on the sofa in NICU with her.   In the end she was just fine.  The scare we had did reveal something with her little heart that they needed to know about.  She will have a follow up with the cardiologist next month, but they expect everything to be all clear by then.  

On Thursday they got to go home and begin life as a family of 4 now.  P loves his little sister. He's doing great with her.  Checks on her periodically and then on about his business.  He's so helpful too.  Already knows what we need before we do when changing her diaper.  :-)

P meeting little sister for the first time

P home with AJ

On Friday AJ had her first visit at the pediatrician.  She was so good.  She just let her doctor do her thing.  The only thing she didn't like was undressing and redressing.  Everyday she seems to look a little different.  It's been such a blessing to be around to help out my daughter and see the wonders of the first week of life.  Lets face it, I'm 49.  I remember a lot about my children but not so much about the first week of life.  What really amazes me is how everyone thinks she looks like someone different.  We've heard like her big brother, her momma, and 3 different people said she looks like her Nonna.  Imagine how that made Nonna smile and melt my heart.  What a blessing.  Three grandchildren all special in their own way.  A, my first.  Something very special.  P, the only boy and my daughters first child.  Then AJ, my 2nd granddaughter but my daughter having a daughter is something special in itself.  I love them all equally <3.

4 days old

6 days old

I'm home today for only 2nd time since she was born.  I decided I would do nothing else but laundry, clean up pictures on my computer and this post.  It was time.  Now that I've got this done I feel like I will be back into a routine again.  I will be so happy to see some warm weather come and have the pool open again.

In April my mom and I are taking a cruise together.  We've been saying for a good long time we wanted to take a trip together.  All to often we talk about doing things and never make them happen.  I'm glad to say we are, and there is no long car ride or plane ride involved.  Some warm weather is an excellent perk too!

A note about AJ.  That is not her name or what anyone calls her.  It is her initials of her first and second name. A beautiful name that I love more every day I see her.   As with everyone else I respect their privacy and prefer not to use full names.  

Thanks again for your understanding through some difficult times.  My pain level with my back, elbow and fibromyalgia has been off the chart through these winter months.  I'm hoping to be getting some relief soon.  There is rain coming this evening so it was a great day to just take it easy and get some blogging done.  I hope to catch up on some of my favorite blogs I follow next.

Full of H.O.P.E.
Theresa

What's "Not" Happening

It's been so long I decided best to go back and read my last post.  How long ago was that now?  I've been a slacker...but I have a good excuse ok?  I'm not going to tell you I haven't had time.  We all have the same amount in every day.  I just haven't physically felt like it period!  Here's why.

During the week of my last post I started the move with my rheumatologist to try something for the fibromyalgia pain.  I've been putting if off because I don't like the choices of drugs for FM.   I had reached the desperate, I don't care any more, pain level.  "Give me something, I just want to feel better".  That's what God said through my thoughts when I opened my eyes that morning.  You can't deal with this any more.  So I emailed my doctor and asked him what he thought.  

At first he reminded me we tried it in 2011 and I asked to stop taking because of side effects and you didn't thing it was helping.  His positive side was that it was not "full blown" or a "flare up" at that time.  Now your experiencing the real ugly side of it, it can't hurt to try.  I wrote back and said, Lets go.  Last time one of the two side effects went away after two weeks even though the other hung around.  I'm ready to try anything.  So he recommended I start with a night time dose. 2-3 hours before bed time and 2-3 hours when first up is the worst.  If we can get results with a bed time dose that would be great. If that's not enough we'll make changes.   Sounded good to me so I started Thanksgiving Eve night.  I thought I noticed a small difference the following morning but didn't think possible to notice results that fast.  Night two, Thanksgiving night after traveling to and from D's families home town, even more noticeable.
  

D with his dad and one of his sisters

My family came here the day after Thanksgiving.  I had little to do.  My husband did the cooking.  My daughter brought pie and a dish.  I made a cake.  D's birthday was the day before and my moms the next day.  So I baked a birthday cake.  Not a big deal.  My granddaughter stayed the night before and she even helped.  Being on my feet a lot really effects how I feel also so I kind of jumped the game and took some of the medicine before the all over pain started with a morning dose. That has been the only day I've taken more than bedtime.  That night was my third dose.  Definitely a noticeable difference when getting up in the morning on Saturday.   I can't tell you how pleased I am with the results so far.  

Always ready to pose

My silly grandson

This medication does not effect my back in any way except that one pan level 8 is easier to manage without another pain level 8 present at same time.  I emailed Dr. C back that following Monday morning to him know I really felt like I was getting some good results.  He was thrilled to hear and hoped it continued.   

That week end after Thanksgiving brought something new to deal with though.  Life is never simple is it?  On the Saturday my pointer fingertip felt swollen and underneath side felt very tender.  Every time something touched it it felt tingly and sore.  I mentioned to D and he seemed to think I always have something hurting everywhere.   On Sunday it increased and by night time it was really feeling weird and swollen to point I couldn't bend it.  It kept waking me up during the night throbbing. 

When I went to OT Monday am she checked it out and asked the hand specialist to take a look.  Her opinion was I should get right on the phone and make an appointment with my dermatologist.  She said, "this is not going away.  What are you waiting for to happen?"  So I called.  Fooled around for 2 hours waiting for the appointment.  I had blood work at 8.  Saw my social worker at 8:45.  The OT at 10 and the PT at 11:15 to 12:30.  The PT did some more needling in my elbow and my second session on my back.  She inquired about results from the first but I let her know I'd traveled, had a day of company, and a busy week end.  Not to mention starting a new medicine in the middle of all that.  I didn't want to mislead any information to her.  I let her know in all fairness it wasn't a good week to try and judge on that.  

On to the dermatologist and he decided it was paronychia.  He treated it like staff to be on the safe side.  He said he really felt like that was what it was but without any infection present at this point to tell.  A medium dose antibiotic and recommended warm soaks or compresses which ever I preferred.  And when will this throbbing stop I asked him?  It kept me awake much of the night.  The soaks should help and after 2-3 of antibiotics in system I should feel much better.  I know I'm a pessimist, but I drove away knowing it wasn't going to be that simple based on how much it hurt.  Monday night it was worse.  Just couldn't sleep.  I soaked it on and off during night.  Tried propping it up.  Tried the TV to take my mind off of it.  Nothing worked.  At 5:30 am I gave up and got up with my husband and made coffee and tried to stop thinking about it.  I had my gloves on I wear for hand swelling at night and when I took it off in light I couldn't believe the difference it how it looked.  Oh goodness.  No wonder it's hurting even more.  It's even redder and more swollen.  

I called in at 8 when they opened and requested a call from the nurse.  At 10 I called back again.  What gives?  You saw me yesterday, I'm not making this up.  Finally at 1pm they called me back and said I needed a steroid Rx to help get the swelling under control.  All fine and dandy but I could have started on it this am.  Now I will be taking it in the evening when I haven't slept for 2 nights.  Prednisone always keeps me awake.  My pharmacist says, "didn't I see you here yesterday?". Yes sir, for the antibiotic.  In my opinion they should have given me this then too.  And yes, I was here Sunday also picking of three of the many others I take.  That's why you know me by my name.

Tuesday

Tuesday

I get home and eat some yogurt and slam back 3 prednisone's and pray that I'm awake from that and not from the throbbing feeling all night.  Unfortunately the one dose at 3pm didn't handle it.  Now on Wednesday, day 5 of the onset I see something very scary looking under my skin and a small black area under nail.  Of course this scares me.  So another call goes in.  When I reach someone I explain how many days I've taken antibiotic and i've started the prednisone.  The doctor said to call if 3 days go by and it's not better or it starts to drain.  It's not draining but it does feel like my finger will explode if it doesn't soon.  So that means it's not better!   I seriously thought about doing it myself.  I wasn't scared of poking my self just inflicting the pain to drain it.  They asked me to come in at 2:30 and I gladly agreed.

He took one look and said he was surprised I was back.  He really thought we caught it early before infection would get to that point.  He froze a small area and did a little slice and started draining.  It wasn't a pretty site and continued for some time to get it all.  I'd never have imagined he would have got that much out of my finger.  On the way home it felt so much better.  Sore, but I didn't feel the throbbing.  It was just really sore and tender.  The tough part was he wanted me to try at least 3 more time before bedtime to squeeze some more infection out.  UGH...I guess I can do this.  Yes you can he said if you don't want to come see me again.  I managed to get it done.  

Before doctor

4 hours later

I had mild throbbing and I slept so good.  I still had to keep it propped up because it tried to swell up again.  It got bumped and banged all day on Thursday.  It's the pointer finger on my prominent hand so every thing I do uses it.  Starting my car, unlock the door, writing, typing.  As long as it doesn't go on as long as the elbow pain I'm good.  I was feeling a little better that day and of course on the prednisone I feel like superwoman.  I bit off a little to much. It was throbbing again this evening.  It still looks amazingly better though.  Not sure why the swelling is sticking around.  I thought by Thursday night it would be gone but not yet.

Here it is Friday.  When I show up for OT/PT both therapist and the hand specialist wanted to know the scoop on my finger.  I showed them the pictures and of course they wanted me to uncover and see how it looked today.  It's still swollen on the underside and numb.  The hand specialist said if it was staff it will take a full 7-10 days to completely clear up.  The OT was smiling at how excited I was that my arm/elbow feels perfectly normal on this prednisone.  Of course I did have the dry needling done last week with the PT on my elbow so she deserves some credit too!  I can't wait to finish the prednisone and see how it really feels.  We did some more needling on my back today.  Nothing fun about it but I think it's helping.

So there it is, between the FM pain and this nasty infection in my finger I just couldn't bring myself to type a post.  I've been so tired.  Not even checking my email.  I really need to take a little time and get some of my surveys done before they kick me out of the program.   I've done what I can to get a little exercise in.  Trying not to worry too much because I've done ok with the WW's.  I'd would like to have lost more but I gained one the week starting Thanksgiving and back down this week.  You never know?  Somehow I deleted my picture.  You'll just have to take my word for it.  lol

I'll be challenged next week starting my treat making for all my doctors and some neighbors I like to share with.  I just try to lick the bowl instead of a sample.  My husband and I didn't get to do anything for our anniversary so we are going to dinner tomorrow night.  After we're going to stop by the outlet mall and after I pick up what is on my list for there, I will be really close to being finished shopping for Christmas.  

My mom and I

Happy Birthday D and mom

Filled with H.O.P.E. this week especially.  Hope everyone is enjoying this holiday time and not feeling stressed out over it.  It will come and go no matter what we get done so take a deep breath and enjoy the reason for the season.

Theresa