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| half a pound! |
I did some cooking last Sunday so I was happy to have something left to eat and not have to cook. WW's Chili for lunch and broccoli soup and sweet potato for supper. Killed both chili and soup just in time. I'm still in my pajamas at 3 pm.
So while I'm having to take this day of rest I'm watching some Christmas movies on LifeTime. I'm hoping it will help spread some cheer in me to get excited about this upcoming holiday season. I'm also charging my battery. Something I never want to sit still long enough to get done. We talked about decorating...wait start decorating this week end. I don't decorate in one week end. Last year I worked on my tree for two weeks. Hey, it got done though. I do what I can.
What is really bugging me right now is knowing that someone is unhappy with me and my husband. We both feel the same about having an enemy. We never want to have one. I've always let it bug me to death if someone was upset with me. Others would say, "so what it's their problem". I don't have to be best friends with them, but I don't ever want to be in a position that I have to avoid someone if I see them. Right now, I'm in that situation and I'll work hard until I change it.
During the early part of the summer my neighbor called me to the fence to talk to me. I didn't think anything of it because we talk at the fence often. I've shared plants with her. Shared baked goodies with her at Christmas last year. When I first met her I thought we'd get along great always because of a common bond. Pain. She's had hip and knee replacement. Back issues that cause her pain. Another words she's hurting all the time like me. She'd fuss at me when she'd see me doing something outside she thought I shouldn't be doing. It felt nice to know someone knew, or at least I thought, how I felt.
Back to the conversation at the fence. She told me she was really unhappy about the extra fencing my husband had put up for privacy. She said it looked really tacky on her side. ( I noted her and my husband deciding this earlier in the year in a post along with a picture )
We added the additional height to fence because she was complaining to the neighbor on the other side of her and he shared with us. My husband just confronted her while he was outside working in the yard and she agreed it might be just the thing for her not to feel like we were invading her privacy. On this day though it was obvious that there was more to it than that. She had a tone in her voice I'd never heard before. She told me she wished we were more like the people who lived here before us. They didn't have so many things in their yard and they didn't invade her privacy. I told her we never intentionally look at her in her yard. I can see through the fence from my patio at anytime and see her when she is on her patio so I wasn't sure of the big deal. It turned into something ugly because I was so shocked at where it all was coming from. I ended up telling her I didn't like the way she was talking to me and I was going inside. Needless to say she was not happy with me that I stood up for myself and told her a few things she probably didn't want to hear either.
I was in tears when I went inside. I couldn't let it go. My anxiety went right to the roof. I called D and couldn't reach him so I called our HOA president. She had already heard from my neighbor. What? I couldn't believe it. She told me she was about to drive down to her house and see for herself what all the hoop law was about. I asked if she'd give me a call after to tell me what was the REAL problem. An hour later our HOA president rang my bell. She came in and asked to go look in our back yard at our deck, fence, patio and shed. "Are you serious?", I asked her. She said in a nut shell that she's never liked the fact that we even have a deck around our pool so when we finished and started using it it just made her unhappier that we could see over the fence at times. Then we had the nerve to have a patio put up. I guess she didn't like the way it looked. We had it run past our patio on the side that is on her side to cover my husbands pit so when he is grilling and it may rain there is no problem. She swore it was going to drain in her yard. (even though we had gutters around the end ) The president said she had taken pictures while the people were installing the patio. She showed them to her that's how she knew.
There is so much more to the story, but I'll tell you bottom line is we believe she is just an unhappy person who doesn't want us to be happy either. I'd never thought that someone like herself (disabled) couldn't understand that I have to have the deck to get in and out of my pool. To be completely honest many times last summer when I was in there I thought of my neighbor and how she would benefit getting into the pool. I never took the time to ask her because I really thought she'd refuse anyway. Guess now I'll never now. I want to tell her but she would never believe me. The HOA president told me she was clear on one thing, she'd was going to do what ever it took to get us to take down our deck. We were definitely willing to take down the fencing because we never liked it anyway. She informed us that she would settle with just that. "What can we do?", I asked her. She wants your deck to come down too.
I was so shocked. For sometime I let it eat me up. I was angry one day and so hurt the next. What did we ever do to have her feel this way. The houses that are behind ours, two to three down, have a party at least once a month. It starts early in the afternoon and goes late into night. Loud music, cheering, lights and obvious parting. Now if we can hear this from our patio I know she can hear it from hers. That my friends is something to complain about. We have never had anything even close to that. We hosted several small gatherings before and after this incident but saw nothing in these occasions that would cause her to be angry. We thought about contacting an attorney but decided to let sleeping dogs lay.
Nothing has been said the rest of the summer. I can't say it hasn't been on our minds. What is she up to? Did she decided to just let it go? Well, we got our answer. Wednesday night we had a HOA meeting at the library near out home. I was a little surprised to see her right there on the front row when I walked in. Oh my, I hope she isn't going to bring things up. Surely, she isn't. As we went through the agenda I held my breath through every topic. As the end neared she raised her hand and asked to talk about the grandfathering rule. At the previous meeting before this particular night that topic was discussed and voted on. A decision was made that anything that was erected during the time of no architectural committee (2009-2013) would be grandfathered in and we formed a new architectural committee to handle these types of issues in the future. (there are several other throughout the neighborhood) shocking, I know. My neighbor was clear to the board and our management company that she was not settling for that. She wanted something done.
First of all, I should have never let her get me so upset. My blood pressure hit the roof along with my big mouth. I was hurting from 1) in general because it was the end of day 2) sitting in a chair for an hour and a half. I did get up a walk on the back row multiple times to stretch. 3) just the stress of wonder why, why, why. When she starting telling this complete stranger that we look at her over the fence, I just lost it. I told her, " Get over yourself, we do not want to look at you". My husband was so embarrassed. I was too later on. At the time I was pretty proud of my rude self stooping to her level. I'd just had enough. Past my chin, it was up to my mouth and I was chocking on it. Just what did she think she could do? I can tell you what ever she can, she will. And why? That's something we may never know I guess. It's a complete nightmare I can't stop worrying about.
The next evening our HOA president stopped me as I was walking my dog and wanted to talk about what happened. I told her I really didn't want to gossip and was so sorry I had such an awful outburst at my neighbor. I said I would be willing to apologize if she would listen to me. The president said to hold off because Saturday am the management company was meeting to discuss ours and some other neighborhood disputes. I forgot to mention as we left the meeting that night the management company asked us to send them pictures of the back yard and our pool with deck.
I had a discussion with an attorney on Friday regarding the matter and she made me feel a little better. She recommended since we will be living next to this woman for some time the best deal is to try and work anything out with her. She said to ask her to sit and talk with my husband and I and someone from the management company as a third party for a witness. The attorney said our best hope is to try and connect with her on a level she can relate to, our common chronic pain. Explaining to her how helpful and beneficial it is to me. Also, how I was interested in helping her out by letting her use the pool. If that did not help at all then let her go forward and we just sit back and see where she can go. Not far she is pretty confidant of. If she does, we will just need to call this attorney back and she will already be aware of what is going on.
My point in all of this goes back to what I said in the beginning. I'm loosing sleep over the fact that someone is unhappy with me. I really want to make it right. I don't really care who is wrong and who is right. I have to live next to this woman for some time. If I were to fall and knock myself out coming up the drive ( silly, I know but it could happen) I would feel better knowing she had enough compassion to call help for me. I would definitely do the same for her even if we hadn't cleared up the.
So enough about that drama. I took a break from this computer earlier and got wrapped up in a movie then let myself just roll right into the next one. Tomorrow no matter how I feel I have to get moving again no matter how hard. It's late, I'm closing. I'll fill you in if I get word of any new news. I can tell you I almost feel like a prisoner in my own home like she is watching my every move. I have to move past this. I'm going to keep thinking WWJD?
I know my answer will come. Good night everyone and I hope your pain is tolerable.
Living with H.O.P.E.
Theresa
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