1.5 that's about what I was expecting, maybe less. Last week was a high pain level week. Thursday was rough. I had a visit from my grand daughter over the week end so I had a bit more activity than I'm used to. Poor baby had some head congestion and coughing keeping her up at night, so Nonna was up too. I believe last week I had the least exercise I've had since starting WW's.
Loss it better than gain, so I'm not complaining.
On Saturday my daughter and grandson came to spend morning with A and I in the pool. They had a great time. I believe some of this flare up that started yesterday was from not being able to tell how much I'm actually using my muscles in the water. A hasn't been in the water much so she hung on pretty tight. I played around with her and P quite a bit and I felt it on Sunday. Then I made a two hour ride to bring her to meet her mommy after lunch and around two hours later I just really started feeling the pain increase.
We woke up to rain early this morning so I'm sure that contributes to this burning nagging pain back there. I'm still not satisfied with the programs I have with the stimulator right now. There just not getting where I need them to be. The few that do I have to tolerate somewhere I just hate the way it feels. I'll survive. I'm going to hang with it for at least a week because any day things can change. No walking this evening. When I returned home from watching baby C I went straight to the couch with an ice pack. A little different than my normal pain. I'm just sore across my entire back like someone hit me with a two by four. Who knows? I've spent countless hours trying to decide what makes some days so much worse and some much better. I did manage to ride my recumbent bike and stretch a little later during the night. It seemed to help for a short time.
I should be sleeping. Another early day tomorrow and on Wednesday Dallas will have me up early to bring him to the vet. He is scheduled for surgery to have a mass removed in his belly.
:-( While he's sleeping they will clean his teeth too. I have a hair cut after dropping him off and therapy at 2. No resting on hump day either.
Last night I really had planned to be in bed at 8pm I was so tired from little sleep on Friday and Saturday night. My son called and asked if I had cooked any food. This saddened me because I knew if he was asking he was hungry and possible without food. It was a hard decision to make. Of course he didn't call until 7 and I knew I'd never get to bed at 8 like I planned all evening if I let him come. What mother leaves her child hungry. Even if he is an adult. His paycheck last week was small. He missed several days for hurricane Isaac then after only working 2 days he had the accident and was off for another three. I let him come and fed him some left overs and sent him home with some food from freezer. He was very thankful. Unfortunately he was wanting to talk. I can't ever get him to open up and talk to me so what was I to do but sit and listen.
While he was talking I was trying so hard to focus all the while I was miserable and the bed was calling my name. He had a lot to get off his chest from the past several days. He is missing his daughter so much right now he can't think straight. It's sad because he wants nothing more than for him and A's mom to get along and be civil to one another. I'm not taking sides for either but I can speak for what I have seen him do for A. He's made some bad choices in jobs and financial decisions but no matter what he does his best to do for her first. He gave every penny he had to get his child support paid and it left him with no money. I'm not saying he shouldn't do that, it's his responsibility to support her. He doesn't complain about it. It just left him in a position to do something he really didn't want to do, call on me.
There are a lot of things that I'm disappointed about in his life but there are some things I'm proud of in all his troubles. He has made an effort many times to do nice things for A's mom. Like remembering her bd and taking A to get her a mother's day card and other simple things to show her he respects her as A's mom. He tells his friends that A has a great mom and is smart and is in nursing school. This may seem like something you'd be expecting him to do but it's not easy for him to continue to work on a relationship with her. He tells me all he gets is ugly name calling and he's worthless as a father. I could go on and on. He even wanted me to read the texts because he thinks I don't believe him. I told him I didn't need to see that I know it's important to him for A to see them get along. He worries night and day what she thinks about him. I know A's mom is disappointed in him just as I am but it could be worse. He could not care at all. I know dad's who never support their children and even care to see them. My own biological father never knew me. His choice. I've wondered over the years how do get up every day and not think about a child you fathered and what they are like. What did they grow up to be? Do I have grandchildren? I'm finding little to encourage my son with these days but I have that one thing to hold on to to support him. He is doing his best to be a good dad. He wants nothing more than to have his own place and have quality visits with her. I think his life will turn around for the better for sure when he can get in a position to do this.
Every human being needs some kind words said to them. I know even if we look at a homeless stranger on the street we could look deep in our heart and find something nice to say. If not, how about nothing at all. It only brings them down farther. It's especially hard for me because he has no one else to talk to and no matter how much I might agree with the hurting things being said are not necessary, I must always maintain a healthy relationship with A's mom. She can't spend time with her dad, so she has to spend time with this side of her family. It broke my heart listening to him tell me these things and knowing all along she'd been with us all week end and he didn't get to see her. When we starting packing up her stuff to go home, I was able to get a taste of what he was going through when he was having regular visits with her. She immediately asked to stay. She said she didn't want to go home. When we met up with her mom, she didn't want to get out of her car seat. Very heart breaking. She is very well cared for and happy at her home with her momma, paw paw and maw maw, but it's obvious she'd love to spend more time here. I just pray it will all work out soon. I'm so sad for my son and what he is missing out on right now. Believe me, he is too.
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| A and P having fun in the pool |
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| put out seed for the bird |
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| only hours later |
God bless and good night....Theresa
The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.
The things you take for granted someone else is praying for.
1 comment:
Theresa.....heartbreaking to read this post. I must say, as a child that grew up knowing my father didn't want to have anything to do with me...still to this day, No explanation, just rejection....I can honestly say that at least Brad is making some sort of effort. I know it takes money to raise a child and it's hard going it alone but, and I say this fully knowing what doing without it, money isn't everything. Needed? Yes, His responsibilty? Yes, but A knowing her dad loves her and cares for her the only way he knows how right now means everything. From my own daughters situation, a good communication between both parents, even if they hate each other is so important for the sake of the child. If all those concerned really are putting her first then this would be what they were willing to do. A child isn't a possesion or a pawn. I pray this situation improves for your family sake. It is a most painful thing. You know I've been there on both ends of this thing. Love and prayers
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