I believe I now understand what comfort eating means. I've often wondered about it seeing people on T.V. How does eating make you feel better? Being a person who mostly eats simply because I'm hungry it didn't make sense to me. Now that I'm back on WW's I'm seeing that I had developed a routine during my day of eating something "bad" when my pain was at it worst point durning the day. Like a person would drink or take drugs to "feel better" I can now see how someone can eat to feel better. It did nothing for my pain, but I some how convinced myself that I deserved to do this because of the pain I'm dealing with. I now see I've been doing this since I lost my job. I was still eating healthy but with the mindset that since I was eating mostly healthy having the junk was ok. Not so, it caught up with me.
I made a stop by the WW store/meeting spot near my home. A couple of my friends who are on WW's right now told me that have a good selection of their brand snacks, shakes, and healthy bars. The store was empty except for the kind lady helping me decide on what I wanted. They really do have a nice selection to choose from. Unfortunately they were out of what I went in for. The WW staff said they fly out the door. I'm happy with what I choose though. The best part of the visit was my conversation with the lady that helped me. She told me her WW story and how she had done all the fad diets over the years. She had been overweight all her life she told me. After joining WW's,( she started weighing over 300), she met her goal weight and has kept it off since. She looked great! You'd never guess her a person to have struggled with weight by the way she looked today. We had a lovely conversation and she invited me to go to the meetings. Something I wasn't aware that I could do being an online member. She said the members are all close and support each other. Personally I don't think to meet my goal on WW's I need that, but I do think it would be good for me to get out and meet with some other people struggling with their own issues.
She mentioned how two ladies were cancer survivors and even went to Dr appointments and treatments with each other after becoming such good friends. I can't even use my excuse of not being able to sit for a period of time because she mentioned that there are members with back problems who prefer to stand in the back and move around. I left feeling like it is something I'd like to try. They offer a number of meeting times so I should find one that works for me. I'd really like to go when she is leading.
I finally made it yesterday back to the clinic where my rheumatologist is. He asked me to come back for some blood work to check my vitamin D level. A year ago it was really low and after 6 months of an additional 1000 IU it only went up a couple of numbers. So we increased to 2000 IU and its been another 6 months so he wanted to check again. I also discussed with him my chronic hives and how the allergist nor the dermatologist could give me answers on why we can't control them or get rid of them most importantly.
So in that blood work test he wanted to check C3 C4 ? Don't really understand what that means but I was giving the blood anyway so maybe we'll get an answer we need. We also talked about the joint pain I've been experiencing since last time I saw him and it has increased.
Speaking of the hives I had went 7 days free of them. It's been sometime that I've went that long without them. When I went to bed Tuesday night I could feel them coming to surface. Without a doubt they were there yesterday morning and still today new ones are coming out. When I had my blood drawn yesterday the nurse questioned the ones she saw on my arm. "Thats why I'm here", I told her. There's been questions on stress level and emotions causing them. I've always noticed that when my pain level is 7-10 my hives are worse. I wondered if the added exercising was reason for the flare up. I'm really proud of myself I haven't missed a from of exercise since Saturday. Either my recumbent bike or walking at the walking path. I've been alternating. My stimulator is definitely helping with that. Before trying to walk at a fast pace had become impossible. Now I'm moving faster with it on at a high level. It gets me through, but I pay for it later. I know I'm not physically hurting my back as far as the fusion or the SCS. It just causes more pain. Where ever or what ever causes it? You know what they say though, no pain....no gain.
I'm hoping for other results besides weight loss from the exercise. My mood, fighting inflammation and maybe even the insomnia. I know, I'm expecting a lot. Better to have high hopes that no hope at all. Tomorrow I step down another level on my Savella. Just lowering from 100mg to 50mg 2x day I see a big difference in my mood. I'm quite nervous about lowering to 25mg. I have to make it to Thursday when I see the new Psychologist. (mine retired) She will decide what I am to try next. I know for sure the Savella wasn't working for my depression but I'm beginning to think I may be wrong about the pain relief. I thought since the aches and pains, other that the back, that I was complaining about months ago when they started me on it wasn't helping. Now that I'm tapering they seem to be getting worse. Keeping me awake at night. I hope I not making a mistake, but what do you do? I have to change something to have something more for depression than the Savella. Just a little tired of changing medications. I have a drawer full of partial full bottles of things they've tried me on. You name it, I have it. I need to research to see how to properly dispose of them. Need to make room for new ones, lol.
I'm deeply concerned for a family member and I know that is adding to my issues. I have HIGH hopes that seeing this new dr and getting my issues under control will help ME to deal with the situation. I can't fix his, but I can hopefully fix, or help myself. My anxiety will not let me just forget that someone I love is hurting and I feel it just as it was myself. A good friend of mine after telling her what my therapist has asked me to do told me she understood but she also knows she could never do it that way. Turning her back no matter what they did, in a time of great need would not be an option for her. He's a good person and I'm the only person he has to lean on right now. He's lost all faith that anyone cares about him. That must be an awful feeling. When I feel like I just want to cry or give up hope that I'll ever feel normal again I pray and I remember how many people out there love and support me. I can call on anyone of them and they'd be there for me. He doesn't have that support system and he so badly needs it.
I've maintained my points everyday but one and if you've been on WW"s before you know you have a certain no of bonus points during one week and I've only dipped into those once. (using !) I've also earned activity points for the exercising. So... maybe I may need to use some of those extra points this week end because they don't roll over like cell phone minutes.
Thanks again for all who read. I don't know who you are, has to be more than family due to the number of page views. This blog has been very therapeutic for me. I hope it has been also for someone else. To know their not alone in what ever pain they may be dealing with. I also want to mention once again how lucky I am to have so much support from my husband D. If I were him, I think I'd have ran a long time ago. Now he's dealing with the weeping on a daily basis again. (dosage change) But he is my rock and continues to support me and remind me to be strong. He has more faith in me than I do in myself. I haven't mentioned much lately about where I am with the stimulator so next post I'll be sure and talk about that.
Kind hugs and healing to all :D
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| I'm not quite sure why he uses the bed because he always hangs off the side. Usually just his head, but last night took the cake over half of his body hanging off. Silly dog. |
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