Monday Madness

I should be so happy about this! Two more pounds gone.  Hope I never see you again.  9.5 pounds and 4.5 inches.  When people say weight loss isn't easy, believe them.  Just the Weight Watcher's probably wouldn't work for me.  I have to add in the exercise.  That makes it so much harder.  Not because I don't like exercise.  I do.  Always have.  The added pain makes it that much harder though.  I'd like to quit so often.  Like today, at one mile the pain was creeping on so quick and intense, but I was determined to make two.  Why? Because no mater if I quit at one and called it a day, my back would still hurt the same in the end.  More often than not, if I get through it, I feel better in the end.  



I'm 5 days away from making 4 months post surgery.  I'd say I'm the same as last month.  Still struggling with soreness in my battery site. Still good news being I'm exercising, cut back on pain med's and getting a bit better sleep than before surgery. I've decided at 5 months if its still bothering me I'll go in.  Mr. R recommended such at our last visit. 

Myself, B and P went to see my mom, brother, sister in law and niece.  Hour drive.  P talking all the way.  Don't get me wrong.  I love listening to him talk.  There was a day when we couldn't wait for him to start talking.  He had a lot to say yesterday.  Enough that mom and I couldn't get through a sentence fast enough.  We met my mom first at Applebee's for lunch.  She noticed I'd lost some weight and she started in on me.  You look nice.  You've lost weight, how much?  Don't you think your good?  You don't need to loose any more.  I knew it was coming.  In 08 (last time I was on WW"s) I heard it from my dad a lot.  I told him I needed some cushion in case I gain some back.  Exactly what I told my mom yesterday.  I'm happy with 10 pounds because I can now fit back in my clothes but in 08 I lost a total of 25 and I was two pounds less than I started at this time.  So in 3 years, I gained it all back plus 2.  Same thing in '04 lost 15 and in 4 years gained it all back.  So if I stop now, it will be a short time and I'm right back where I was.  I have to loose while my body is cooperating with me.  This is not something that is a given.

I'm so glad I had a nice day with my family yesterday.  I was a little stiff when we got there to get out of car and sit right back down in a booth.  I had plenty of time to stretch later when we made it to my brothers hours to visit.  The ride back home was a little more uncomfortable.   It's odd, my back pain was there but I felt as though something else was added.  I realized when I got home and started walking around that the pressure of the seat on my battery site and the tie in the lead in spinal area was sore.  I couldn't even touch back there.  I covered myself with the mineral ice.  And it helped.  

I'm glad I had the advantage to stay home today.  I was pretty sore.  It was so nice outside.  Checked out the pool water expecting it to be could, but it wasn't. It was quite comfortable. After a long conversation with a dear friend I forced myself to go out for sandwich meat and fruit for the week.  Washed a few loads of clothes when I got back then around 3 I got in the pool for some stretching and hooked up the vacuum.  There wasn't much there so it didn't take long.  After supper I made it to the walk park for a walk.  That was nice also.  Painful, but nice.  A breeze blowing and some shade.  I get a phone call on the way home that blew me away.  I really can't talk about the contents of the discussion but I'll tell you I felt sick to my stomach and still do.  So much for all the pep talk in the morning from my friend.  It's ok, I see my therapist on Wednesday.  I don't know If I'm glad or scared ;/( 

There are somethings we just can't control no matter how hard we try.  WHY CAN"T I GET THIS? Thank you K for letting me ramble on this morning and sharing your take on things. Opening your heart to me to let me see how "your not perfect either".  But you seem to have it SO together.  And B, how many times have I promised to leave you out of this?  Yet I keep dragging you in.  I'm so truly so sorry.  I feel like the scared child and you are the mother.  Bear with me, I'll be back. I won't loose this battle.  

For what seemed a perfectly normal Monday full of nature and beauty, accomplishments achieved, hidden behind was sad news, hard calls and not so nice texts.  Sometime I hate technology.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I can count on the pain to still be there but maybe just maybe the heartache will be a tiny bit lighter,....please?

P on the front steps :-)

My brothers house

P and I on the front porch

My brother, sister in law and my niece 

B, P and P

P doing his thing with the shoes, lol