4 weeks

My first time out by myself today.  It really felt weird to drive not having done so in 4 weeks.  I have a little anxiety about an accident.  Under normal circumstances I'm a paranoid passenger.  If I'm driving and in control, not so bad.  Most of my family does not understand where this comes from.  I've always been a little anxious about it but it has increased since the back pain became chronic.  I'm always fearful of being rear ended and messing up my fusion, and now the leads in place. 


Ok, enough ranting about that.  It's been a good day so far.  I meet with a representative from St. Jude at my doctors office.  Mr. R is on vacation.  Hope your having a great time.  I really mean that.  He has back pain also so I'm hoping he is relaxing and it is giving him some relief getting away from work and the daily stress of life in general.


 Not that I have a preference, but this rep was female.  She was lovely, think I'll give her that name for my blog.  Lovely was very patient and praised me for the courage to try and taper off of the Lortab, but felt it may be a little soon.  As I already read and heard from other professionals like Mr. R that it could take up to 6 months to get the coverage where I need it and have it stay.  She said I'm still in baby stage as far as recovery.  But she patted me on the back and said I was strong for trying. I had written a log with what I feel with each program to make it easier to see what we need to do to change it for the better.  This pleased Lovely very much so I will continue so that maybe it will help Mr. R too.  I remembered to ask about the heating pad and was happy to hear its ok to use again. Woo Hoo.


Lovely fine tuned the ones that I couldn't use because they were to uncomfortable and we did some work to the ones that were initially placed at my one week check that only lasted for a couple of days.  Goes to show you how quickly things can change.  When I saw Mr. R last week I couldn't use any of them because they gave a lasso effect around my stomach and since about three days ago one of them was my favorite.  I'm understanding why they keep telling me it could be awhile before I can really expect to get a program to work for me in the area most needed and to actually stay there.  The tissue needs to develop around leads enough so that they stop moving.  Until then my programs will change. 


Lovely made it clear she is here for me and by no means did she want me to feel like because it was to early that she would not help me again.  She even offered to see me another time this week if I needed her.  She lives in Metarie which is an hour away so I thought so kind of her to offer.   When you battle chronic pain for a long period you feel alone like people just don't , or can't understand what your experiencing and she truly made me feel like she does.  I had to ask how long she has been working for St. Jude and her answer was 6 months.  I could have sworn it had been years.  She worked with dying cancer patients before which quickly reminded me it could be worse.


After leaving there I felt brave and went to Hobby Lobby to pick up a few sheets of scrapbook paper.  Darn, the $ Tree is next door.  I've been wanting to pop in there for a couple of weeks now.  Between the two I spent an hour.  It was 2pm before I made it home, left at 9:30 so I was pretty tired.  The encouraging part is my pain level I'd score a 6 so the new program is helping because only half a pill today and staying away from the ibuprofen as much as possible.  I used so much of it during the years before surgery I want to take as little as possible.  What I won't do it let it get so bad that it takes to much medicine to get it under control. 


By the way, I slept from somewhere around 12:30 until 8 this morning.  Wow I don't think my body knew what to think.  It's been quite sometime since I've had that many hours of sleep.  Tomorrow I have a much needed appointment with my therapist and between that visit and this morning  it will be like a make over, just not a "beauty" make over. 


Here is my incisions at 4 weeks.  They still look terrible to me but my eyes back there (D) says there is a huge difference from the last pics he took for me.  My doctor said the same last week.  They look fine, so why am I so blue about the way they look?  No one can see them. Ha ha that's funny.  Everyone reading my blog can see them.  I think that is the silliest thing I've written.  Maybe a good sign that I'm finding some humor.  


Thinking about my dad with Father's day coming up.  Make sure you reach out to yours and let him know how you feel.  Here one day and gone tomorrow and there is no changing that.
Don't let it be to late.


Peace and love to all.