Let me asure you I'm a big fan of the beach, always have been. It's not all about getting a tan for me.
I just love the sound and the peacefulness of being here. I love at night when we're outside like I am now hearing boats passing in the bay and boat horns instead of car horns. I could go on. But things changed for me. Nothing's changed for D. Only his age. He is a beach lover more than me if thats possible. But he however feels the need to jump right out of bed when the sun comes up and start packing the beach bag and asking me "what all do you need to do before we can go?" Um, sleep a few more hours and give my body a chance to work with me. LOL
Anyone reading this that deals with chronic pain, especially in your back finds most positions UNcomfortable. Even at the beach. Even where you see the most beautiful scenery :-) So I'm sorry D
that I don't get as excited as I used to about packing up the car and unpack the car and carrying all the stuff out there. ( I sound like I don't want to be here but I do, really I do)
Tomorrow at some point in the day I am excited about getting in the pool and just floating and stretching and swimming some laps. Been awhile since I've done that. When I heal from surgery there are so many things I can't wait to do. DId you catch my POSITIVE attitude in there. I will be able to do some thing I haven't been able to do in awhile. And if it doesn't happen right away I'll keep working with them until it does. I understand that from reading so many of your reviews and blogs that it could take up to a year to really get the right coverage and settings to work for you. As long as I know I will get there I'm OK. Hell, its been 10 years. What's ONE?
I told you in beginning, I'm not a writer so I tend to jump around a lot. I do that in normal conversation. try to get a word in with me, my daughter and my mom in the room. My husband used to say when my daughter still lived at home that he couldn't get a word in at the supper table. Oh, I feel a tear in my eye. I'm thinking about when my daughter was at home. She has been married and gone for six years. We can have some knock down drag outs when we're together because we both are hard headed but I'd give anything for her to be in grade school again and giving her advise, tucking her in bed at night. Some parents are so ready to get rid of there kids when they reach their teenage years. I had to remind myself when she left for her honeymoon that she didn't die, she just fell in love and moved out. I'd see her again. And besides, she married the best son in law a mother can have. He really gets on my nerves some times because he thinks he is funny but he's NOT, just corny. And they have given me a handsome little grandson that you've seen in some pictures. Him and my granddaughter are 2 of the biggest reasons I've been strong enough to do yet ONE more thing to get rid of this nagging pain in my back. I'm just so tired of it all.
I can't wait to see how pretty the beach is tomorrow. We mostly come in October. Perfect time. We've never been here at a better time. Once we came in June with my daughter and her family. The beach was full of seaweed. We had never seen that before. I asked a lot of the locals and they said that was common in June. If it bothers you, don't come in June. I wish I still had those pics on my computer I'd show you my daughter with green hair. YUCK. SHe has beautiful red hair btw. Last year in October we sight plenty of jelly fish and that was a new thing also. But the water was absolutely amazing. So like I said, can't wait to see what the water looks like tomorrow.
We went grocery shopping after we unpacked and stretched a bit. In my eyes, the worst is over. I hate grocery shopping. I hate any shopping. Especially the mall, any kind of mall...outlet or stip. Doesn't matter. Who needs to just browse around? I get what I need and race back home. Since my pain level has been staying way past that 5 my favorite place has become my bed. But my husband will tell you, I'm a fighter, I get up and get done then go back to bed. Of course I'm moaning and complaining the entire time but I want credit for doing it anyway. I know not everyone would just get it done feeling like I feel. People out there hurting know what I'm talking about. We go down, we stay down.
My therapist wants me to be more social with my friends again. Why? I ask her. Their only going to want to know how I'm feeling and I'm tired of lying. I feel like S__t. Really. Tired of faking it. My first therapist recommended that I write down how I'm feeling either with by starting a blog or journal or something. I'm starting to understand why. It doesn't even matter if no one reads it. You just feel better about it.
Since I just rambled tonight, I'll skip some back history. I still have um.....12 more days. Thats plenty of time. Its so boring anyhow. I know, what I wrote is to. But it doesn't matter. Its my blog. My husband doesn't even have to correct my spelling or english. I'm not complaining....I ask him to do it sometime. I can't spell to save my life and I stunk at English. He's a writer so he is great at all those things.
Tomorrow I'll put a pic of the beach good or bad. We have some chance of rain here this week but I'm not to concerned about it. Indoor and outdoor pool here. Either way I can swim. The one thing I can do that feels good.
I wish for everyone tonight a good comfortable nights sleep. Something I yearn for every night.
And I do miss my babies. I think of them all the time. A special shout out prayer for my mom. She is dealing with a great deal of pain herself right now. I'm hoping she is better because hurting or not I won't be able to stop her from coming to help me. Good night all.
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