We made it home around 9:15 last night. I didn't think I was going to make it. The last hour was horrible. I couldn't get comfortable for nothing. My leg went numb and my foot was full of needles. My back felt like someone was holding a blow torch to it. A positive note, you don't die from back pain, you just feel like you will.
First thing we noticed was we didn't get much of the rain we heard they had here at home. My plants were dry. It must have been isolated areas. Second, noticed my remote to car wouldn't unlock the door so I entered key in old fashion way and tried to push the button to open all doors and discovered that NOTHING worked. DEAD BATTERY in the car. The trunk was not closed. I'm not even going to release the name of guilty party. Important think was D was able to charge while we unpacked and had our baths and it started up this morning with no trouble. Lets just hope it still does tomorrow.
Oh my I was so happy to get out of the truck. Just walking around and unpacking helped me to start to feel better. It was like while we were riding in the car my back got all rusty and had to be cleaned off to work again. Thank you Jesus for bringing us home safely.
Now, where were we? I did everything PM (pain management) doctor wanted me to do. So then he gives me a booklet on a Spinal Cord stimulator and a Implanted pain pump. Both of which I turned my nose up to. I did at least watch the video on the SCS with no intention of getting one. I was just curious.
I asked my PM doctor to do one more MRI and see the difference from a year ago. The other orthopedic did his in May of 2010 ( 1 year after surgery) and now it was March 2011.
He agreed and sent me where the had a new machine that you sit in and it tilts back so your spine is just how it is when your in sitting position. He wanted this for me because sitting was the worst. Thats why my job had gotten so difficult for me. After 10-15 minutes of sitting I'm ready to scream. Walking around used to help but at this point and time that didn't work any more. My left leg had began to start hurting and so was my foot. Worse than before surgery. It just so bad thats when I decided to ask for the MRI, yes the 4th or 5th one.
When the MRI came back they called me to schedule an appointment. What did he see? Idk, they will have to go over that with you. I just knew I'd finally have an answer. How many times have I though that. I felt like I was at my worst, (I kept thinking that year after year, can't get any worse...unfortunately it could) The appointment day came and the minute he walked in he said, "I'm sorry, I don't see anything" It looks good. What? You have to be kidding. I just broke down this time, I didn't care that he saw me cry. Something must be wrong. You sure that's mine? Ms. Trahan, did you look at the cd I gave you on a SCS? Yes, I did. But I don't want one. I really wanted to say, I'm NOT giving up and I'm going to see a doctor that can find an answer. There has to be one. You just don't have this kind of pain for NO reason.
I remember calling my husband and my daughter bawling. I was beginning to feel as if I was crazy and no one believed me. Ok, now I'll go back to work and have all the 9 people I work with there ask, "whats wrong, what did they find". Oh nothing. I'm just CRAZY! Its all in my head. I was really getting nervous about work. I knew business was slow and he'd mentioned someone would have to go soon. I really didn't think it would be me. Id was 5 months shy of 6 years and only one other person, (the hygienist) had more time than me.
But lately I'd missed work with all these test and injections. Not a lot because most often as I could I scheduled for a Friday (we were closed on Friday) but sometimes that just would't work.
A few weeks after that I was having a terrible week end. My leg was hurting so bad I could hardly walk on it and of course my back worse than ever from limping around. My dad was at the hospital in a town an hour away. He'd been sick with CHF for the last couple of years. He'd been in before to have pacemaker checked or fluid drained from lungs so we weren't to concerned. I wanted to go on the Friday but decided I'd rest all day then I could make it Saturday. Saturday came and I stayed in bed all day again. Something I hate doing. Drives me nuts that things are going on around me and I'm stuck in bed. I talked to my mom several times and she kept saying your dad understands. You know he suffers with back pain so he really feels for you. He used to say to me all the time, "Sha, I should have back pain, not you. Your to young". As long as I can remember he saw a chiropractor and wore a brace when working outside or on one of our automobiles. He was just like me. You just couldn't keep him down. Well, let me rephrase that, I was just like him. I talked to him on the phone and my mom and they kept telling me to take care of myself and not worry about coming there they would keep me posted.
Sunday came and I didn't feel any better but something in my gut told me I better make it there. I spent the entire day there. I would change it for nothing but it was very uncomfortable. I'm very picky about chairs I sit in. Some I can't sit in at all. Better off standing. At one point my dad wanted me to sit in bed with him. He was the sick one and he was telling me I looked bad. I had my computer so I laid next to him and caught him up on some photo's of his grandchildren. He really enjoyed that. I was comfortable so I just sat with him awhile. I just missed my brother and his wife at the hospital. They were coming in and I as leaving. My sister in law called me by the time I was on interstate and told me that she didn't know if my Mom really understood how sick my dad was. She said you should come back tomorrow if you can. She really scared me. Was there something mom didn't tell me?
I emailed my boss and let him know just how sick my dad was and that if I got a call during the day and he wasn't available I may just fly . On some busy days we (front dest staff) wouldn't see him all day or sometime until lunch. Well, I'm so sad to say I didn't even make it to work that Monday. I got a call at 3:30am, my sister in law saying I should get there asap. I work up Brad (my son) to take me over. I don't remember the drive it was a blur. He drove us there pretty fast. When I went int he room my dad had already passed and my mom was in the bed with him. Stoking his hair and talking to him.
A few hours later I brought my son back home, he had to go to work and I threw some clothes together and went straight back to meet with both brothers, my daughter, sister n law and my mom at the funeral home. ( these were hour drives) So many decisions to make in a short time. On my way home and the end of day to get dress clothes and get my husband my leg got so bad I could hardly stand the pain. I couldn't feel my foot at all. I decided to stop at the after hours clinic where my GP is. I saw an on call doctor who thought I was having muscle spasms caused from stress. She gave me a steroid shot in my hip and a RX for muscle relaxer. I just need to get through the next few days then I'm going to try PT again.
You know what happens from there. A living week of hell. My leg and back worse from the stress of everything. Mean while I forgot to mention I has started with a acupuncturist. Two visits and I need to go back but obviously not this week. I let him know what was going on and couldn't make it. Meanwhile PM office called and said try some PT again.
This would be second time. My PM doctor assured me they only use this clinic and I wouldn't experience what I did the first go around. They treat a lot of his patients and they wouldn't have me doing things I shouldn't be doing. After my first visit there my PT said she wanted me in the pool having aqua therapy. But of course we had to have an ok on that. After a week went by I got the ok from insurance for the pool. During all this we planned and arranged funeral for my dad and the service took place. It was beautiful service, family gathering after and then boom, back to our life. My dad passed on a Monday the service was on a Wednesday and I made it to PT on Thursday. I tried to go to work that following Monday but I couldn't do it. Got up to get ready and just fell apart. I asked for one more day and he gave it to me. When I went back on Tuesday everything was different. I had been moved to the back. With the purpose of less phone answering maybe easier emotionally in the back office I could get up and stretch more often that front.
Nothing was ever the same after that. Of course my GP made me come in for follow up on that emergency visit and she wanted a ultra sound done. I knew I didn't have a clot, but heck you never know. My leg did flare up out of now where. That came back fine then she wanted me to see neurologist since I'd never seen one for these problems and my leg was still hurting and foot tingling. In between that and waiting for neuro appointment I went in for work on a Thursday morning an boom, I was hit with a bomb. He laid me off. Never in my life. I felt like, Could you pick a better time? Please....I'll get better. The PT is helping. No discussing, it was cold. Get your things and go home. I was so hurt, then angry, then depressed. I continued the PT and didn't see any change from that. I did second set of what she did with me in am. I told you previously if a professional ask me to do something for my health I'm going to do it. I just wasn't getting any results. At 6 weeks I stopped.
The day came for the neurologist appointment and my mom came to go with me. She wanted to be there. He looked a all my MRI's and complimented my surgeon on my fusion. Looks great, never seen one like it before. The tests he did on my leg came back normal. You know, where they stick you with all those needles? He said I have "Failed Back Surgery Syndrome" Something new for me to go home and spend hours readying about on internet. Another doctor, still no answer. Just a confirmation that the fusion was perfect and it didn't seem to be the cause of my pain. He strongly recommended I go back and let my surgeon know that I was still hurting. It was important for him to know, that was his opinion. I decided to do it. Why not? I'd been everywhere else.
Ending here tonight. To many nights of midnight and just a few hours sleep. Grand baby is here and she'll probably have me up bright and early. Weird, today felt like a Saturday all day. Take care everyone. Enjoy your Mothers day week end. Do something special for your mom. She gave you life and that is something to celebrate!
GNA and sweet dreams!
Theresa
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